Thursday, October 16, 2014

This is Halloween...


I absolutely love Halloween.  I used to constantly (well, okay, I still do) daydream that I was someone else. 24/7, 365 days a year I was; from the time I could first remember up until, well, now, my mind has always had a tendency to wander.  I don't know how many times I have been engaged in conversation with someone and not been aware of it.  I could be staring right at the person and not have a clue that he or she is even talking to me.  In my warped mind, I was already somewhere else. In fact, I'm fairly certain that I have spent at least half of my life in a daydream --- and I never daydream of being something practical.

So, as a kid when Halloween rolled around, I knew that for at least one glorious night I was free to be whomever I wanted to be in public without anyone suspecting that I was off my meds.....Hell yeah, I'm all about that.  Has anyone seen my cape and tights?  Dammit......

Oh, and there's candy -- a nice bonus.  The only difference now is that I don't have to go door to door for it.  I buy it "for the trick or treaters" and then begin to piece away at it.  I may as well just have my own bag by the front door because if the kids are getting treats, then by golly, I am too.

Every Halloween ends with a slight gut ache......Ugh....

Of course as an adult I have managed to (somewhat) control my imagination....I have no choice, I am an adult which, I must say, has to be the stupidest thing that I have ever done.

So no more costumes for me......I don't want to be known as the neighborhood's weird, creepy guy.  I'll just have to settle for weird.  :)

Anyway, it's bizarre when I think about my kids and how each one approaches Halloween.

Toby treated halloween as a golden opportunity to earn a profit; which means that he is just like his mother.  I'm not sure Toby ever really enjoyed dressing up; he just did it so he could get candy that he could sell to his classmates.

So picture this tiny, round face little boy dumping out all his booty on the living room floor.  If that were me I would have been separating all the candy out and then figuring out in what order I was going to eat everything.

Toby picked out all the gum and a few pieces of chocolate.  The rest he dumped into a bowl and taped a little sign on it that said ---- "10 cents"....

My little six year old egg head made a nice little profit.  His buddies would come over and buy up just about everything he had ---- but only after I bought all the Kit Kats and Snicker bars.  I'll be damned if I'm letting those fine pieces of chocolate leave the house.

As the years went by, Toby began to map out his territory.  He knew which houses he wanted to hit first and which ones (anywhere he got candy corn, I believe) were okay to pass on.  He had turned Halloween into a successful business; the only hiccup being that he found out that he could not sell his candy at school...Oops.

And it didn't escape me that the next year he went trick or treating he came back and marked up everything that I liked from .10 cents to .25 cents.  ----- That's highway robbery, you little shit......

But, my wallet (and my teeth) is safe this year.  Toby is a freshman this year and has given up trick or treating.  He mows lawns now to make his money.

Now Tera, on the other hand, is just like me.  She loves dressing up and when she trick or treats she does it intending to keep every little piece of candy that she has received.

Karla watches Tera dump all of her goodies out onto the floor.  As Tera is separating she is eating.  Two pieces over here --- and one piece for me.  OM NOM NOM.....  Two pieces over here -- and one piece for me.  OM NOM NOM.....

After about the fifth candy wrapper hits the floor Karla steps in and announces that she is taking Tera's goodies and hiding them so that they can be rationed out.

Tera protests (and I would have too) but Karla is right.  If she doesn't hide the candy Tera will eat herself sick.

Karla:  "You can have two pieces of candy when you get home from school."

Tera:  "AAAWWW....."

Karla takes Tera's goodies and stashes them away --- without letting me know where she hid it, dammit......

I'm surprised Karla hasn't put a shock collar on Tera and I when we go to the Halloween store.  Of course I guess she doesn't need to since she has control of the checkbook.

Tera and I usually skip the cheapo costumes and go right for the expensive paraphernalia.  The costume has to look as authentic a possible in order for halloween to be fun -- and it makes it easier to get into character.  :)

Karla does not see the amusement in it at all.  It's not a Roth IRA or a flow chart showing our  bank accounts and the "wonderful" power of compound interest.  Miss Practicality has a hard time understanding why on earth Tera and I just have to have one hundred and fifty pieces of halloween lawn art.

Tera and I:  "It's a werewolf.  Isn't that cool?"

Karla:  "You know you could just make ghosts out of pillow cases and hang them from the trees, right?"

Tera and I:  "Really?  Oh boy......"

Karla: "Yes, really."


I think Karla either totally missed the sarcasm in our voice of just chose to ignore it.  (I'm guessing ignore)

We spent the following afternoon hanging pillow case ghosts on the tree limbs for Halloween........Crap.

I didn't even bother asking to go to the Halloween store this year.  A grown man child can only hear
"No" so many times.

This year Tera decided that she wanted to be Coraline for Halloween.  Coraline is a character in a Neil Gaiman book and Tim Burton movie.

In the book/movie Coraline has a doll made to her likeness that she carries about.

So Tera and I decided that, in order for the costume to be authentic, a Coraline doll was a much needed accessory.

I got online and found the exact doll that I was searching for --- and it could be mine for $200.

Ouch.  How can a ten inch doll cost so damn much?  Karla will never go for it.

A search for yellow Wellington boots found a pair for $50.  Ouch....again.

If this keeps up Karla is going to have Tera trick or treating dressed in a bed sheet and a paper bag.

(I did find it amusing that after my search I got on Facebook and suddenly saw ads for Wellington boots.  Hmm.)

I didn't even bother looking for the raincoat and blue wig.  I turned it over to Karla and prayed that we could find some kind of compromise.  It wasn't five minutes before Karla decided that she could make the Coraline doll herself........(Please be a close to the real thing as possible....It's just not the same if it's not authentic.)

Tera and I have a couple of weeks to wear Mom down.....Pray for us.

This year Toby has a football game on Halloween night so it will be Karla and Tera trick or treating; which will drive Tera crazy.

Tera:  "Hurry up!!!!"

So if you happen to be one of my local readers just remember that I like Kit Kats and Snickers bar.....Er, I mean, TERA likes Kit Kats and Snickers bars.......

Have a happy Halloween!!!!