Thursday, August 28, 2014

Scatterbrain....

It is now 1:35pm --- and I have no idea what I'm going to write about.

So here is what I'm going to do....I'm going to write about whatever pops into my head until I feel I have enough material that I can quit for the day.  In the end, this little exercise may give you some idea as to how my brain operates; and if you figure it out then please let me know.....I have not a clue.

So.....Here we go.

Exercise...

It's been a while since I have talked about exercising and, since then, my perspective on being healthy has changed somewhat.

I am not afraid to admit that I am a slightly overprotective dad when it comes to my daughter.....(the shotgun is in the gun locker and the overalls are in storage....I'm still working on the "Reasons I'm a good choice to date your daughter" application)

One of the things we talk about constantly is body image and being comfortable with who you are.  I have shown Tera the idiocy that is photoshop and gone over, ad nauseam, the totally unreasonable expectations of what a supposedly beautiful body should look like.

Then one day it hit me.....Have I been victim to the same unrealistic expectations?  Are those washboard abs and straight pearly white teeth that I see on the cover of my Men's Fitness magazine just another doctored photograph?

For years I have been chasing the ever elusive six pack abs and have gotten as close as four.  The problem with getting to the flat stomach is, from a dietary standpoint, you pretty much have to give up on life.  No pizza, no beer, nothing fried ---- no thick, juicy cheeseburger......No McDonalds.....(Yes, I'm a grown man that loves McDonalds.)

Have I been busting my ass to get my flat stomach while someone else on the cover of a glossy magazine is getting their stomach photoshopped?  Cripes, I've been suckered.

So, needless to say, while the washboard abs is still a goal it has dropped quite a ways down on the priority list.  At 43, I will just settle for getting through a workout without hurting myself.

It's probably a good thing that my perspective has changed.  I was beginning to correlate the journey to six pack abs with the search for the holy grail; only the bravest and truest knight has what it takes to find the grail.  Well, this squire will keep trying -- just not as hard.

The new workouts start next week.....Until then, I think I'll have a bowl of ice cream.  Probably a few beers this weekend.

You know what?  To steal a good friends phrase....I actually do have a six pack....It's just hidden under a bag of chips.

Cheerleader....

On the walk home from school Tera told me that her teacher handed out fliers for jr. cheerleaders.

Tera's response to her teacher?  "Can I go ahead and recycle this?"

I'm not at all surprised; Tera doesn't strike me as a cheerleader.  Add some goth clothing and heavy metal music and she might reconsider.....But I doubt it.

Besides, I can't prove it but I'm fairly certain that cheerleaders don't rip off angry dinosaur, paint peeling farts.

Good choice kid......Let's just stick with softball.

Animal Cage.....

On the way home from the store I saw a rather large animal cage with a for sale sign on it.  I thought to myself, "You know, it probably wouldn't be a good PR move for a daycare to use that as a form of timeout."

I have no idea why I think the way I do.  It's not like I would ever do that to a kid.

Well.....I guess it depends on the kid.  There are some horrible ones out there.

NO.....NO, NO, NO.....

Maybe.

Anyway.....

Good News....
In total frustration I went out and found this site:

http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/

The news locally and from around the world has been nothing short of horrible.....I don't need to remind you and I wouldn't do it anyway.

Normally, after I have had my fill of childish negativity, I will just tune out and forget that the world beyond my front door exists.  This is easy to do when slightly introverted.

But I decided to go a different route this time......I went to google thinking that surely there is something positive about this rotten festering cesspool we call home....isn't there?

Praise the Lord (and google) there is.  If you find yourself dejected and feel as if the fate of the world rests in the hands of a few greasy palmed megalomaniacs then, by all means, check out this site.  You'll walk away feeling a little bit better about life in general.

The Ice Bucket Challenge......
Yes....I did it.  I won't waste too much time on this subject --- I promise.

For every good idea out there there is someone walking about who just can't wait to poop all over it.

Yes....I get that most of the money raised will not go to research.  But it's better than "0", isn't it?"

Yes....I get that some people are just dumping cold water on themselves which is not the same as the ice bucket....Still, I salute them for doing their part.

Why is it when a group of people want to sing "Ode to Joy" someone just has to break out in "Paint it Black?"

You people and your negative attitudes....Bunch of turd fondling shit weasels.....(I'm sorry, that's what I'm thinking....I thought about editing it out.....But I promised to give you some insight on my warped brain.)

HOWEVER........

Matt Damon made an excellent point when he did his ice bucket challenge with water taken out of his toilet.  He praised the movement but then went on to talk about how the water out of his toilet was in fact cleaner than the drinking water in most poor countries.

He talked about children dying from drinking bad water.......that hit home...

When it comes to kids, it doesn't take much to make me feel guilty.  Had I known about the unfortunate events happening in other parts of the world; the bad drinking water, I probably would not have done the ice bucket challenge and wasted a valuable resource that could have been put to better use.  I would have most likely just made my donation and called it good.

I would not have followed suit and used toilet water.  I have a teenage son at home and nothing good happens when he uses the toilet.....That's just gross.  (and a sure sign that I have it good....Not my son blowing up the toilet.  The fact that I have clean water.)

Damn you.....and bless you, Matt Damon.  You made a fine point.

YES!!! My life has meaning, dammit!!!

Every once in a while I will still run into that one individual that thinks just a little bit less of me because I am a stay at home dad.....and it is ALWAYS a man.

When I told this individual that I was a stay at home dad the look on his face said it all --

"Sooo....Your'e telling me that you have a vagina?"

Yeah, whatever buddy, bite me.

But I do have to admit that there are occasions where I do feel like I'm not quite the contributing member of society that I should be.  Like this week for instance.

Karla started her first class, something about production and inventory management, creating the first rungs that will hopefully help her climb that corporate ladder.

Meanwhile, I'm at home matching and folding socks....Woo hoo!!!!

Usually I get over it fairly quick.  The only time it really grates on me is when I have to attend that dreaded social outing involving interaction with strangers.  You can just see the eyes glaze over that very instant you tell them that you are a stay at home dad.

"Sooooo.....You're telling me that you're lazy and unmotivated.  Tsk, tsk.....You're wife could have done so much better."

Sometimes I have to resist the temptation to make up a bunch of B.S.......

"Yes, I'm a middle aged stripper that specializes in nursing home parties....Don't let those little old ladies fool you....They aren't THAT sweet."

It....just....gets.....frustrating......sometimes.

Still, I wouldn't trade what I have for anything in the world.  I love being around my kids ---- so I can deal with a little frustration.....



Ok...It is now 2:38.  I believe a little over an hour is all the glimpse you need of my warped brain.....I'm outta here.  See you next week.

Until then I believe I will watch a few good movies, play with my kids, read happy stories and just leave the world behind.  Looking back, this blog seems a tad bit grumpy......

Stay away world!!! I'm off to my happy place.