Thursday, October 31, 2013

Happy Halloween!!!!!

Happy Halloween everyone.

Has anyone else noticed that the Christmas advertisements and displays are already starting to appear?  My Lord, it isn't even November yet and the greedy corporate grab asses are already asking me what's on my Christmas with list.

SAVE NOW!!!!  BUY NOW!!!!  BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!!!!

Hey, Mr. Big Business, why don't you loosen that tie of yours and enjoy the day?  Did you happen to notice that the leaves are turning color?  It's nature's own fireworks display and you're missing the show, brother.

By the way, I find it irritatingly amusing that not only did you not wait for the end of Halloween, you also gave Mr. Tom Turkey a miss and went straight into jingle bells.  I guess Thanksgiving isn't quite as profitable for you, is it?

Mr. Big Business, you are the very reason I cut the cable and now have just an antennae so that I can catch a few ball games now and then.  I don't need your crappy advertisements telling my kids what all the "hot" and "must have" toys and clothes are.

Without your not so divine influence my kids Christmas list went from a couple of pages to just three or four items.......In fact, since we have kicked you out of our house it has been much easier to implement our new Christmas present philosophy.  Everyone in our family gets four items from Santa:

1. Something you want.
2. Something you need
3.  Something to wear
4. Something to read.

Okay.....I need to get off my rant before this blog veers way off course. (actually, it already has)

I absolutely love Halloween.  I will readily admit that I really have no idea where Halloween originated from and what's it's true meaning is.....and I don't care.

Part of the reason I love Halloween is that I do have a slight fascination for most things dark and morbid.  Tim Burton and Stephen King.......Need I say more?

And what goes better with death than chocolate?  Oh, boy!!!!!  Snickers bars, Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, Kit Kats......Drool.  Although, I wish more people gave out Reeses Pieces.....or, maybe not.  Probably not a good idea for me.

Halloween is a double edged sword for me.  On the one hand, I really get into the costumes and guessing what the kids are supposed to be.  I love putting the movie The Nightmare Before Christmas on and watching it over and over and over again.  When I'm not doing that I'm listening to the music of Danny Elfman, who did the film score for most of Tim Burton's movies.

But on the other hand, there's that candy.....All that beautiful candy.  It's a wonder I don't end up having my stomach pumped or lose a few teeth every Halloween.  The temptation is just to much for this chocoholic.

If I had been smart about it, I would have set a maximum number of houses that my kids can trick or treat and then call it good.  But I didn't, and now every year the kids come home with, quite literally, an entire pillow case full of candy.

I remember the one year when I took the kids to this house in town where, apparently, it did not make the list of places to visit by a majority of the kids in town.

The kind old man opened the door, smiled, and asked "Is there anyone else out there?"

"No, it's just us."

"Ok."

Then the kind old man took his entire bucket of candy and dumped it into both kids bags.  Tera looked as if she had just hit the lottery as the weight of all the candy hitting her bag made her lean forward.  She smiled big, thanked the kind old man, and grunted as she just barely got the bag thrown over her little shoulder.

"I gotta shut this down," smiled the old man, "The KU game is about to start......Can't be disturbed."

Then he closed the door and out went the front porch light.


The nice, but kind of sad, thing about this Halloween is that Toby is now thirteen, he has a social life and won't be going trick or treating this year.


That means I won't have to worry about him selling me his candy.....

Every year, Toby would go trick or treating, come home and dig out all the gum and a few pieces of chocolate, and then proceed to sell the rest to his friends.  (The entrepreneur.....I swear, he takes after his mother)

Well, he found out one year (I don't know how and I'm not sure I really want to know) that bringing candy to sell at school is a no-no.....So guess who ended up buying it all up?

It was a clever ploy.  Toby, knowing my love for all things chocolate, used to hide his candy so that I wouldn't get into it and eat up his profits.  But when his school and candy business got shut down he proceeded to set his candy right out in the open on our dining room table.....I'm not so sure he didn't strategically place all of my favorites right at the top of the bowl for me to see......The little prick.

Beside the bowl was his little menu with the prices of all the candy in the bowl.....How shrewd.

Of course, my wallet got a helluva lot lighter as I proceeded to om nom nom my teeth right out of my skull.

But, like I said, I don't have to deal with that this year........I already miss it.

Now Tera is just like her dad.  As soon as she comes home she dumps everything out on the floor and separates everything into piles.  Unlike her brother, she is only separating the candy out so she knows what order she's going to eat everything in.  Beside her are already at least three or four empty wrappers.

Karla allows Tera her few pieces and then tells her to go take a bath.  While Tera is in the tub, Karla then proceeds to hide then candy so that she may be able to ration it out later and monitor her intake....And, no.....I don't know where she hides it.....Dammit.

As I said earlier....I'm kind of sad that Toby is now too old (he thinks) to trick or treat.  I don't know what I'm going to do when Tera decides that she is too old.

I mean, yes, I could just buy way too much candy and then keep what's left over after all the trick or treaters have been through......But it's not the same.

Maybe I can talk Karla into adopting........  :)

Yeah, whatever.  Anyway,  Happy Halloween, everyone!!!!! Enjoy all that wonderful candy.....Life is good.


Monday, October 28, 2013

A girl and her old man....

It seems silly to think that something as simple as a run could make me feel as if I've gotten closer with my daughter; that I have created a stronger bond with her -- isn't it?

But as I sit here typing I can honestly say that I have never felt prouder of Tera.  My little girl, my former couch potato, without prompting, took the bull by the horns and jumped at the chance to participate in Girls on the Run.  And in the process she got her dad to jump in as well.

The big race is on November 16th, but Tera was not content to wait that long.  So we did a local 5K this past Sunday.


I was a surprised to find myself getting nervous about an hour before the race; the long dormant competitive juices from my playing days had returned.  Hell, I thought those emotions had died out years ago.  I was pacing the floor at the house, going to the bathroom several times, feeling the butterflies in my stomach.  It felt great.

I can't for the life of me explain why I felt this way.  I wasn't going to leave Tera's side and, even if I did, there was no way I was going to be even remotely close to finishing near the front of the pack.  I'm just not in that good of shape ---- yet.

(By the way, the individual that did win the overall race is a seventh grader....I'm sure if the local track coach hasn't caught wind of him yet, she will real soon.  That kid flew through the race and his mom said he hasn't even really been training for it......Oh, to be young and freakishly talented)

Before the race started I kept telling Tera, "It doesn't matter where you finish, pumpkin.  As long as you finish, that is all that matters and you should be proud."

Tera smiled and gave a barely noticeable nod.

Yet, despite what I told her, I found myself sizing up the competition and wondering how I would compare to certain individuals that I saw stretching and getting ready to run.  (Yeah, the competitive fire never really goes away)

Of course, deep down, my real worry was that I wouldn't even be able to keep up with my eight year old daughter.

                                                                           


By nature, Tera is a little chatter box;  get her excited and she talks non-stop.

On this day, Tera was amped and chattering constantly.  When the race started she kept talking as she ran and I began to wonder how long it would be before she wore her self out.  The answer would be at around a half a mile.

"Dad," she huffed, face flush, "I just can't talk and run. I'm just going to run. Is that okay?"

"That's perfectly fine, pumpkin.  Just do your thing and I'll try to keep up."

She had yet to run a full 5K, her furthest run being around two and a half miles, so we did shut it down and walk a couple of times.  I'm sure the first half mile where she talked non stop played a small part.

I don't recall ever seeing her work this hard so, concerned, I asked her if she was okay a couple of times.

"I'm fine."

Yes, it turns out, she was.  I was really proud of how well she was handling her first 5K.  But, as we got to end and Tera saw the finish line, I couldn't help but wonder if she may have been sandbagging a little.

Without hesitation, she bolted for the finish line and left me behind....What the Hell?


She has too much of her old man in her, I thought.  As she charged ahead she took a quick glance back to see where I was.  The little competitor in her had no intention of letting her dad finish before her.

That's fine kid.....In fact, I prefer it that way.  Enjoy your victory.

Although, in retrospect, I wish she would have enjoyed the moment just a little while longer....Once again, she's too much like her dad.  Always happy, never satisfied.

I gave her a hug and congratulated her.  Then, the instant we broke free, she looked at me and said, "I want to do another one."

That's awesome.  I mean, really, just how awesome is that?

"I tell you what," I said, "Why don't we celebrate with a big plate of spaghetti and then talk about our next race afterwards?"

"OOO....Spaghetti!!!"

I'll take that as a yes.

I told Karla afterwards that I guess I had better look into getting some good running shoes for the daughter and myself.  This may turn into a habit.

Proud of ya, kid......Real proud.   :)





Friday, October 25, 2013

Fried Brain....

I just can't seem to focus this week.......

So far, every time I have sat down behind the keyboard with the intent of writing my next blog, I have fallen asleep and gotten nothing accomplished.  Had I been putting my thoughts on paper someone would have come along and used it to wipe with by now.

I'm fairly certain that the new workout has a lot to do with it.  I've been running in the morning, then lifting weights with Toby in the afternoon.  The end result is a full on rebellion by every muscle in my body.  I've been doing the old man shuffle all week long while consuming double the amount of coffee that I usually drink......And I've still found myself taking a nap every day this week.

I think it has become fairly obvious that I need to scale back this new routine for a while.

I have ran......and I have lifted weights....Just never at the same time.

When I ran, I would compliment it with planks and crunches.  I even dabbled a bit in yoga and zumba, but found that neither were my thing.  Yoga bored me to tears and zumba was a disaster.....I can't dance unless I've been drinking...... a lot.

When I lifted weights I only did light cardio; a long walk or a slow, short jog.

So when I put the two together I, ignorantly, didn't think anything about it; I just figured that I could handle it.

Wrong......Wrong.....WRONG!!!!!

I have never tried to lift weights after a 5K run.  The first time I tried it, Toby and I did a total body workout that Toby planned out himself....I had no idea he was a sadist.

It was low weight, high reps, four to six sets of each exercise; and it took us nearly an hour to get through it all.

About half way through I was more than ready to die.  I secretly wondered if Toby knew to call 911 if I  should happen to flop down in a convulsing heap on the living room floor.

Actually, I know exactly what he would do.  He would tell me the same thing I've told him for years when things get tough for him on the baseball or football field:  "Suck it up."

I was not about to put myself in a position to hear that; I would gut this out....I hoped.

So when I finished with the last set of weights, I took a deep breath, exhaled, and felt triumphant....I had made it.

"You ready for the two hundred sit ups?"

What?

I have always hated sit ups.  Mostly because, no matter how good of shape I'm in, my stomach always cramps when I do them.  I tried to talk Toby into doing crunches instead but he just looked at me and said, "Crunches are tomorrow, old man."

Shit.

Sure enough, I got to fifty and my mid section locked up.

Have you ever poked at a rollie pollie with a stick?  The little bugs instantly curl up into a tight ball and roll around wherever you push them.

Well, that's how I felt when that first cramp hit my stomach; and it hit hard.  I screamed as I struggled to get myself out of the ball that I was involuntarily rolled into.

Mr. Sadist stopped long enough to get a good laugh in.  When I finally got myself stretched out, belly down, on the floor, Toby asked, "How d'ya feel?"

"No more sit ups today."

"That's cool, I got a few more to go, after that we have planks and hills, then we'll be done."

WTH?  The planks didn't surprise me, but I was in no way prepared for hills.

"What do you mean hills?" I asked.

"We still have to get our cardio in."

Shit.  I am fairly certain that you are supposed to do your cardio BEFORE you lift.  But, before all this mess started, Toby and I agreed that this was his baby, and so I rolled with it.

Sprint up hill, walk back down --- ten times; a mile and a half by the time it was all said and done.

Stick a fork in me.....I'm done.  I got through it out of sheer stubbornness; my son is going to be bigger and faster than me one day -- but not this day.  I ignored, as best as I could, the knife blades stuck in my ribs and finally finished the workout from hell.

That was on Monday....and here it is Friday and I still haven't recovered.  It's been bad enough that when Toby told me that he decided to go out for wrestling, and that we agreed to hold off on the father/son workouts,  I kind of jumped for joy.  That says a lot because I am not a fan of wrestling at all.  It may be fun for Toby, but if you've never been to a wrestling meet, it's one long ass numbing experience.  I literally spent an entire Saturday sitting on an uncomfortable bleacher to see my son wrestle three times for a total of less than ten minutes.

But, hey, if he wants to wrestle then by all means go for it.  That means he won't be at home running his old man into the ground.

I'm going to rest as much as I can this weekend and then I'm going to revamp my workouts to something I have a decent chance of surviving.

Hopefully, when the time comes, I'll be ready for the next workout Toby and I do together.

And, even more hopefully, I'll be able to think a little clearer and not struggle to write my blog.


Tuesday, October 22, 2013

When I grow up.......

So, what do you want to be when you grow up?

I'm forty two years old and, ever since the very first time I heard that question in grade school, I never had a clue.  I've spent nearly my entire adult life searching for the answer to that question; a question that has brought on a lot of frustration and a sense that I have sold myself way short, that I am nowhere near the person I should be.

But I have recently stopped searching for that Holy Grail of questions......and I am happy as Hell that I did.

Karla's family is incredible; a huge group of individuals with a long list of accomplishments.  I could probably write an entire book on her family.....Well, if I had the attention span for it.

For the purpose of this blog, Karla's immediate family will more than suffice.

Karla has a degree in business from the University of Kansas.  What I find remarkable about her degree is that she graduated in just three years while holding down a job to boot.  She is now climbing the corporate ladder in her company with titles and responsibilities I have long since given up trying to keep straight.

Karla's sister is a Dr. and, no, I can't remember what kind specifically....Something about old people.  I guess I should pay closer attention.

The Doc's husband is a former Officer on a nuclear submarine and, coincidentally, has a degree in nuclear engineering.  Once again, I don't have a good enough idea of what he does to accurately explain his occupation.  He engineers the building of shit ---- how's that for descriptive?

Listening to him talk about his job is fascinating; even though he tends to lose me about a third of the way into the conversation.  I don't bother asking him for explanations that will most likely just confuse me more.  I just drink my beer and take it all in.

Karla's brother is --- I think I have this right -- an IT Systems Engineer who possesses the rare gift of being exceptional in both the white collar and blue collar fields.  Hands or Brains --- he is very adept at both.

His wife is a physical therapist and, once again, I really don't know what all that entails --- but it sounds cool.  She is a Cornhusker fan, but we'll forgive her..   :)


Then........there's me. A high school diploma and, for the most part, a career factory worker.

A majority of the time, when someone on Karla's side of the family asked me how work was going the answer was, "Oh, you know, same old shit." and then, if I'm lucky, I let the conversation die.  No one would find it interesting that I accidentally knocked over a pallet of product with my lift truck.

It's not that I didn't make an honest attempt at self improvement...Well, ok, I didn't the first time I went to college.  That was a horrible and expensive mistake.  Thank God I paid for it and not my parents.

But the second time I went to college I maintained a 3.6 GPA before bailing out because I really couldn't find anything that I was passionate about.  I had thought about something in the medical field, but when all you can think about is that it's going to take forever to graduate as opposed the accepting the challenge and enjoying the ride, well, then perhaps you are getting into it for the wrong reasons.  That's how I felt about it, anyway.

I then went to vocational school where I earned a diploma in computer networking.  It was a real sense of accomplishment as I graduated with a 4.0 GPA.  But, I should have thought it out a little better.  For an individual that finds social interaction with strangers difficult, this was the wrong field to be in....I should have chosen programming instead --- at least there I could have zoned out and immersed myself into my code for hours on end without anyone around me giving it a second thought.

After graduating I did manage to find a part time job in my field where I learned that the term "Help desk" should have had the P removed and replace with an L.

My phone skills sucked,  I felt chained to my desk ----- and I absolutely loathed wearing dress clothes.

A year into my job, I decided that this was not my thing.  I didn't like being bored to tears on the factory floor, but I did like the idea that I could basically work alone ---- just me and my machine.

I do feel bad for some of the people that worked beside me.  A friend told me once that there was an individual who didn't like working with me.  He asked her, "Why, you don't like him?"

"No, it's not that.....He just doesn't talk."

Sorry......

I will say that by the time I left my most recent position my communication skills had improved dramatically.  But I was never entirely comfortable with it.....I just learned how to become a fairly decent actor.

Anyway.....So when I decided to become a stay at home parent I was once again confronted with the thought of being an under achiever; that I wasn't ambitious enough. In retrospect, it was completely asinine of me to have thought that way.

Being a stay at home parent in our society, especially if you're a man, is not viewed as a worthy profession.  In fact, by many individuals, it's not considered a job at all.

Being a stay at home parent is a lot like being an NFL linemen.  Most people don't really know or care what it is that you do; they only know when you're not doing it.

"Delay of Supper --- fifteen yards and loss of down."  (What did you do all day?)

Growing up, it was drilled into my head about how it's "The Man's" place in life was to be the bread winner (And that's not all my Dad, just society in general).  So it was completely understandable every time I heard one of my male counterparts say that he wouldn't feel like a man if he were at home and not working.

Well, rest assured my male friends, I didn't swap my blue jeans for a skirt......


Wait..............I just had an off the wall thought.........  So since there is a family role reversal going on, does that mean Karla gets to play the "traditional" male role?

Can you imagine that?

She walks in the door, tracks her muddy shoes though the house, throws her shit everywhere but where it's supposed to go, smacks her husband on the ass while he's washing dishes, belches and says, "Hey, babe, I'm home.  What's for supper? I'm taking Toby outside to throw the ball around,  can you get me a beer?"

Out comes the frying pan........

Sorry....I got sidetracked.

It just amazes me how it is perceived that if you are a stay at home parent then you are not working.  I simply don't get that.

In fact, my advice to all stay at home parents reading this is the next time your spouse or kids asks you that wonderful question "What did you do all day?", don't get pissed and list off everything you did in an effort to defend yourself.  Furthermore, don't yell at them and tell them how unappreciative they are.

Just....Stop....Working.  For one day.  Then, when they complain that they have no clean underwear and that there is nothing in the fridge to eat, or that they can't find their things because it's buried under a pile of crap on the floor or table --- you can smile and ask "Now, what was it your were asking me?  Oh, yes, what did I do all day?  Well, I saved some of what I do, just for you."

Then put their lazy, unappreciative asses to work.

This stay at home dad gig has been an eye opening experience and, quite honestly, I feel I have found the answer to that life long question that's been nagging at me all these years.


 "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I want to be a good parent. I want to be the individual that does his part to bring balance in his family's life.  The guy that works behind the scenes to help keep the ship afloat.

No, I'm not going to make any money doing it.  It won't cure any diseases or make me famous.  But it will make me happy.

Does that mean I've officially grown up?

Oh, hell no......Grown ups suck.   :)






Thursday, October 17, 2013

Mutts....

Hair, hair everywhere  --- and not a freaking place to sit.

Arrgh!!!  Cleaning up after pets has got to be, hands down, the most trying pain in ass in regards to my household duties.

I love my dogs, despite how much I complain about them.  But it's a never ending battle when it comes to picking up after them.  They are much worse than the kids; at least with Toby and Tera I can get on them and keep them in line.

But with super pooch one and two; every day their little canine brains hit the reset button.

Let's start with Wrigley.

First off, yes, I am a Cubs fan and Wrigley is named after that beautiful stadium that resides on the north side of Chicago.

Wrigley is a an older beagle who has earned two nicknames.

Nickname number one:  SHEDZILLA

I can't figure it out; how is it that long haired dogs, like my other mutt Mario, don't shed, yet short haired dogs like Wrigley can leave a thick trail of hair everywhere they go?  It seems backwards, doesn't it?  Shouldn't it be the long haired dogs shedding their fur?

Anyway, I've come to accept the fact that I am going to have to sweep the floor constantly because, if I don't, the lint trap in the dryer will be plastered in a thick wall of fur every time I wash socks.  Blech.

What aggravates me is when Wrigley jumps on the couch and disperses copious amounts of his filaments upon what is supposed to be a place for me to plop down and relax with a cup of coffee and some good music.  GRRRR.

It has been a battle of wills between Shedzilla and myself.  I can pull the couch cover, run it through the washer and dryer, place it back on the couch and within minutes, Stupid is rendering the couch unsuitable for the placement of human ass.

Well, unless you take extreme measures......I actually thought about placing a coaster by each chair with a lint roller on it......Or just handing them out at the door when company arrives -- "Here, you'll need this because my dog is stubborn and won't listen."

You know that adage, "you can't teach and old dog new tricks"?  Sooooo, true.  Wrigley is very set in his ways.  I spent all day chasing him away from the couch, and he just keeps trying to come back.  Of course, as soon as I step out for my run, he's all over it.

I will get him trained......Damn it.....

Nickname number two:  ASS ITCH

For this family, fall is the worst time of year for allergies; and Wrigley is no exception.

The first time I saw him scraping his butt on the patio I feared he may have worms.  But a trip to the Vet cleared that up.  "Nope," said the Doc, "He has allergies....Give him some Benadryl"

And the Benadryl works ---- as long as I don't forget to give it to him.  When I do forget that poor throw rug at the front door becomes the victim of Wrigley's butt scraping boogie. After the dance is over I take soiled rug out for a wash.

I cuss at myself for forgetting and then get Wrigley his medicine. After that I try to keep him from itching, but it's a losing battle --- there's just no stopping the boogie.  I know, I've tried; all you can do is let it run it's course.

First he starts by dragging his belly across the rug, then he does this twerking thing (I'm apologize profusely for using the word twerk, but that is honestly what it looks like).  After the twerk he sits on his butt and just goes around in circles.  And finally he lays on his back and thrashes about.  Add to that, he makes a lot of really annoying noises as he scratches.  It's enough to drive you crazy.

I thought about making a YouTube video out of the whole rotten mess but decided against it.  He really does suffer and there just isn't much humor in that.


Ok, so now that you know about Wrigley, on to the next dog.

Mario is a Shih Tzu who also has two nicknames to describe what I consider to be some peculiar habits.

Nickname number one:  ROCK HOUND

As long as I have had Mario, he has always had the habit of picking up rocks when he is outside and then bringing them in to chew on them.

Once again, we made a trip to the vet fearing something was wrong and, once again, the vet gave our mutt a clean bill of health.

I find this particular habit really strange, but, I've never tried to chew on a rock before.  Maybe the art of rock eating is a lot like wine drinking in that you just have to know what you're looking for.  I can just see Mario in the middle of the street with a small rock in his mouth, judging it.  "Hmm....Dust, with a strong rubber tire flavor....And I think I may detect a slight hint of motor oil.....Kind of a dry rock, but not bad."

Whatever it is that Mario is doing, the soles of my feet are paying dearly for it.  At least once or twice a week my foot lands on some small, pointy relic that the Rock Hound discovered on his latest archeological dig.  It's like when I used to step on that stray Lego that Toby left on the floor when he was little, but worse.

As stated earlier, old habits die hard.  Chew away brother, I will not deny you such joy.

Nickname number two:  SNOT MONSTER

The fall is prime Kleenex hunting season for Mario.  What I have discovered is that if you blow your nose you must put it in a trash receptacle that Mario can't get access too.  Otherwise, you will find used Kleenex shredded and scattered all over the house.

Disgusting.  Yet another reason not to let a dog lick my face.  Have you seen these people that let their pooches give them "kisses"?  Maybe I'm not a true dog lover.....The thought makes me ill.

Mario prefers to hunt at night......Apparently it's easier to sneak up on an unsuspecting snot rag in the dark.  Who knew you needed ninja skills to hunt snotty Kleenex?

The end result, assuming we had forgotten to put up the trash, is the next morning is almost like Christmas when you were a kid.  You're surprised by all the presents strewn about the house ---- accept that you don't really want these presents.

If I'm ever the first one out of bed and I stumble across a Mucous by Mario work of art, I turn right around and get back into bed hoping someone else will discover and pay the finder's fee.  Even with rubber gloves the thought of picking up shredded Kleenex makes my stomach turn.  EEEWWWW.


Yes, despite their strange idiosyncrasies, I still love my dogs.....And, yes, because of the kids I am quite certain we will always have a dog in the house.

But they really are disgusting sometimes.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Keeping up with the kids....

I just finished my first 5K this morning; at a clip of 10m 25s per mile.  Not a time that's going to wow anybody, but I'm just happy I finished.

I really wasn't planning on running that far this soon.  This was going to be a gradual process in preparation for the 5K in Kansas City that isn't being held until the middle of November.  But Tera, practically shaking with excitement, came home with a flyer for another 5K run being held here locally.

"Dad, I want to run in this one, too!!!"  she said as she handed me the flyer.

"Ok, pumpkin.....Oh, and look, it's only two weeks away...."  (Oh, shit)

I held the flyer in my hand and wondered if I could actually run a 5K; up until very recently, the only real running I did was on the ball diamonds, and that wasn't much.  I was really starting to worry.

So it felt really good when I knocked it out on the first try this morning.  My lungs did just fine and the numbness in my right arm is almost gone.  Now if I could just find a way to numb everything from the knees down.

I'm walking around the house all Jello legged and my knees, although not swollen, feel about the size of a pair of softballs.

"Shit, I'm going to be in a wheel chair by the time I'm sixty," I thought.

But I'm okay with that ----- as long as my wheel chair has roll bars and four wheel drive; maybe some fuzzy dice, too......

OOOHH!!! And personalized plates.  Maybe 1BDFART.....No, without the word old in it, it just looks wrong.  That could be seriously misconstrued.

Maybe,.....IRACEU...... ????  No, don't like it.

Hmmm......1SXYGPA.....Now that might work.  I'll have to mull it over some more.

Anyway, I'm getting off the subject here.....Let's move on.

I can't tell you how seriously proud of Tera I am.  My former couch potato has really taken to Girls on the Run; combine that with an improved diet, and I have seen some noticeable changes in her.

And it's not just physical changes; she has gotten a lot more energetic. (Not sure she really needed more energy, but, oh well)  I've noticed that she doesn't spend near as much time in front of the computer or on her iPod.  Yesterday, she took a bat and a few balls and spent some time hitting in the yard --- with no one else around.

It's great to see the progress she's made.  But part of me worries that the time when I can't keep up with her is coming sooner that I thought.  All I have to do is look to Toby for proof of that.

When kids are little they don't really fathom the concept of setting goals and self improvement.  They just want to have fun....You know, be kids.

But as adolescents, the idea of setting goals is now well understood.....Or, at least in the case of my 13 year old, it is.

Toby was introduced to the summer weight lifting program held by the school; and he bit into it hook, line, and sinker.  The first time I knew that this was his thing was when he took off his shirt and said, "Dad, check it out.."

He had a six pack and he was, justifiably, proud of it.

Now, suddenly, he has set personal goals for just about anything you can think of.  It's all about benching more, jumping higher, running faster.

He is constantly looking ahead.  He plays linebacker in middle school, but he told me one day.  "They are probably going to move me to corner in high school....I gotta get faster."

What has me worried is that I just picked up a home gym from a friend (Thanks, Chuck).  Toby is already salivating and planning workouts --- for both of us.

It's only fair.  After all, I coach him all the time, so I told him that this was his baby and that I'll do what he does........I just hope that I can keep up.

The weight part doesn't concern me....It's the number of reps that does and how my body will perform the day after.  At 42, I just don't bounce back quite like I used to.


But, the important thing here is that, with both kids, I'm creating a bond.  Karla has her connection with them through school and financial responsibility (how to be a better budget weenie).  So I get the diet and physical fitness part.

I realize that if I can make this a positive experience for the kids then they could possibly turn this little father/kid experience into a life long habit.  That would be huge.

And if it cripples me in the process?  No biggie.  Remember, four wheel drive and roll bars.  :)


Thursday, October 10, 2013

Slob....

I feel better now.

I should have cut my hair over a month ago.

After becoming a stay at home dad, one of the things I did that I shouldn't have was that I really let myself go.

The most noticeable sign that I became a slob was not only did I not get a hair for cut for nearly four months, I didn't even bother to comb it.

I would get up in the morning, take my shower, throw on a hat,  and walk out the door to my part time job.  As soon as I got home from work, I took off the hat, ruffled the matted mop on top, and released my inner Einstein.  (my hair, not my brain)

My line of thinking was simple:  "There is no one in the house to impress, so, who cares?"

Then I got to playing around with my hair; taking pomade and sticking my hair up in unorganized spikes.  After a while I thought to myself, "Man, I could totally do the Wayne Static thing.


I hope you don't mind that I borrowed a pic of you Mr. Static.....I really like your music.

But my journey to jacked up hair was simply not meant to be.

My brother, Tony, started giving me a rash about my do.

"Man, Tom, take off your hat."

After I remove my hat, "Damn, Silver back.......you got some gray, boy.....You got that skunk thing going on!!!"

Anyone who knows my brother is well aware that he is a good natured guy that just loves to give people shit.  In fact, I am most certain that Tony has a to do list and "Give People Shit" is at the top of said list.

It's all good.  That's just my family.  If we aren't giving you an earful then something is wrong.

But when Karla spoke up I knew my unkempt days were over.  She had been holding back for a while; but then, in a quiet moment, she looked at me and said.  "Wow, I didn't realize you were so ------ gray."

Ok, I get it......I get it.  Schedule the appointment.


One other slovenly thing I did was, after my workout, I would shower then put on just a pair of shorts and a crappy t-shirt.  Once again, no one is here but me.....who cares?

When I told Karla about this part of my blog she about came unglued.  "You can't tell people you go commando....That is way too much information."

Personally, I didn't see what she was all uncomfortable about.  For one thing, it's not like I'm walking around the house in the buff......to me this just wasn't a big deal.

Another thing is.....I have had a lot of female coworkers in my over twenty five years of full time employment.  You wouldn't believe how many times one of them said to me, "I can't wait to get home, take off my bra, and sit in front of the TV with a box of chocolates."

So I didn't want to hear it.......I wasn't doing anything that outrageous.

What changed my mind about the whole Fruit of the Loom-less affair was one unfortunate public outing.

I always made sure that I met Karla's stay at home dress code before anyone got home.....Sheesh....Whatever.

Then one day, realizing that we were out of milk, I jumped in the car and went to the local grocery store.

I had no idea that Captain Commando went public until the sliding door to the air conditioned grocery store opened up.  As soon as I stepped in I was greeted by a frosty blast of self consciousness.

Ah, shit.......

I temporarily froze and assessed the situation.  I could go back out the door and pretend I left my grocery list at home.....Or I could just forge ahead and just get it over with.

I chose to forge ahead.....As I took my first step I pulled my shirt down over my shorts as far as I could without ripping it.  It felt as if every pair of eyes in the store were staring at.....well....yeah.

To make matters even more uncomfortable I realized that I was wearing a pair of nike shorts that were missing the draw strings.  Not that anyone would, but I feared if someone were to de-pants me, then years of therapy would ensue for all parties involved.

I got in and out of the store in record time.

On that day, Captain Commando ceased to exist.

So now, as I sit here typing, my hair is cut and combed and my underwear is on........the balance has been restored.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Livestrong

My first timed mile -- 8 minutes and 57 seconds........That sucks; nowhere near what I'm capable of running the mile in.

But.....My left knee held up and my lungs didn't get worked as hard as they could have been.

Tomorrow.....Tomorrow, if the knee cooperates, I will pick up the pace.

After a trip to the chiropractor the numbness in my right arm has subsided.  I still have to go back for a follow up a couple of days from now; not something I'm looking forward to after the way the doc attacked my neck.  But I'm hopeful that I can get back into the pushups and dumbbells next week.

If only I could attack my diet the way I do working out......

I have been meaning to get back on the Livestrong website and start tracking my caloric intake again.  But I just can't seem to talk myself into it.

Livestrong is an outstanding (and free) way to monitor your intake.  The site breaks down what you are eating and tells you if you are meeting your daily caloric goals as far as sodium, fat, protein, etc.

It also forces you to take a strong look at what you're eating.  It can serve as a real wake up call the first time you eat a Big Mac meal and then realize you just ate two thirds of your caloric intake for the entire day....Um, not that I ever did that....eh hem.

But, I gotta be honest.  I really don't like counting calories.  For one thing, it's an absolute pain in the ass when you cook something and can't find it on the website; then you have to either input every individual ingredient or create a custom made recipe to input.

I'm also not a big measuring guy, but I feel that if I'm really going to be serious about counting calories then I have to do it.

Why, you ask?  Have you seen how large the portion sizes have grown in our restaurants and homes?  I really feel that a vast majority of Americans don't know what a proper serving size for anything really is.  We are no different than the livestock we raise ---- stuffing ourselves with way too much food.

No, eyeballing it, as Karla suggests, simply won't cut it.  In this case, your eyes will always be bigger than your stomach.

The first time I measured out a serving of rice and chicken it didn't even take up half of my plate.  I had portioned my calories out evenly throughout the day and this small meal that sat before me was supposed to last me the rest of the day......and it was only six o'clock in the evening.

Shit....I'm gonna starve, I thought.

I will say this though.  The reason I had a hard time staying within my caloric range while simultaneously feeling sated was that I had too many processed foods and meats in my diet.  (Just my opinion, nothing concrete to back that up)

If you need a visual aid to see what I'm getting at, just take four hundred calories worth of any meat or processed food and compare it to four hundred calories of fruits and vegetables.  Which food do you think is more likely to fill up your stomach?  (A cup and a half of spinach is only ten calories)

When I was in my best shape I cut way back on the meats and lived on apples, oranges, bananas, and spinach.  I also ate, at about 240 calories a cup, a ton of rice.  Rice is a good filler, in fact I considered the rice the main part of my meal and whatever small serving of meat I had was a compliment to it.

Yes, I was in great shape......But I was frustrated, too.

Through the power of Livestrong, going out to eat was impossible.  Have you tried the "HEALTHY choices" at the sit down restaurants?   In my opinion, they absolutely suck and not worth the money.  Plus, you don't really feel like eating your healthy choice when everything else around you looks and smells better.

And eating at home was no easier.  If the entire family isn't on board with eating healthy then the lone  healthy eater is basically screwed.  At least once a week someone will want to call in for pizza or I'll get up in the morning and find someone made a doughnut run...and at least once a week someone will bake enough cookies to feed an army....and it drives me absolutely insane.

Several times I've been tempted to go outside so I don't have to smell the evil, greasy, yet wonderfully delicious temptation emanating throughout the house.

"Hey dad, you want a.......oh, wait, that's right.  You can't have this."

Bite me.

Yes sir, nothing says compassion quite like watching your family eat pizza and guzzle pop, and then listen to them tell you how much they support your healthy life style......GRRRRRR.

You know what.....Screw it....no, maybe not.  Hell, I don't know.

PFFT.....Maybe Livestrong isn't such a good idea right now.  It's crazy to think that someone trying to adopt a healthy lifestyle can be seen as a fanatic....Whatever, eat your Doritos and leave me alone.

Then again, I've been giving myself a cheat day on Wednesday and Saturday....Basically, one meal where I just east whatever I want.  I suppose if I do that I can make this work.

And as a family we are doing a better about eating right.....Sort of......Except that the chips, little debbie cakes, mac and cheese, ice cream, and pastries are slowly starting to make their way back into the house.

GRR....I think I'll just put this on the shelf for now.....I'm already getting frustrated.



Thursday, October 3, 2013

Nuttiness and Netflix

NUTTINESS

Nuttiness; a slang term meaning crazy or insane.

Normal; defined as meaning a common pattern, situation, or type.

Combine the two and you get  ---- norminess?  Numiness?   I don't know, I'm still working on it.

Anyway, that is how I have come to view today's two income society; a delicate balancing act between financial security and family time that often leaves both parents frazzled, tired, and, occasionally, with the temperament of a sleep deprived two year old.  (Yes, I would be said two year old)

You don't hear the phrase that much nowadays, but when I was growing up I heard more than one old timer utter the pig headed phrase, "A woman's place is in the home."

I vehemently disagree with this way of thinking.  However, having been home for a couple of months I definitely see the value of SOMEONE being home. When someone is there during the day to take care of the laundry, dishes, etc, etc,  it cuts away a lot of catching up in the evenings ---- assuming, of course, that you have an evening free.

It's when you don't have an evening free that everything begin's to pile up and your house starts to look like one of those Hoarder's episodes that Karla has become so addicted to.  Personally, I don't see how she can watch that show.....It's kind of disturbing.

 Last weeks events are a good example of why I now feel so strongly about having one parent at home:

Monday night:  Make up football game in Holton.

Tuesday night:  Softball practice

Wednesday night:  Parent teacher conference.  (The business woman and social butterfly took care of this one)

Thursday night:  Football game

Friday night:  Softball tournament

Saturday and Sunday:  Softball tournament.

With one person staying home, we got through the week without the house falling apart.

With one person staying home we had time to make sandwiches with the idea of keeping us out of the restaurants during tournament weekend......(It didn't work....Tera knew her cheat day was Saturday, and so, we ended up eating at an Italian restaurant....Oh well.)

With one person staying home we had a home cooked meal for supper everyday.....Now if the kids would just eat what I cook.  I have to admit, even I'm not fond of some of the crap I've whipped up.  I still have a long way to go in this area of my stay at home journey.

Speaking of cooking; today I removed the trash and the compost thinking perhaps one of the two were responsible for the unpleasant odor floating about the house......Then I realized the smell was coming from the crock pot.......Shit.  I fear the cabbage rolls are yet another meal destined to make Tera's "Hall of Butt" list.

I can't tell you how nice it is to be able to get out of bed in the morning and not look around and think, "Man, this place is a dump."

Now, by man standards, our home is looking really good.  However,  Karla has been getting a little more vocal about the flylady website and deep cleaning......The honey do list is about to get longer.

Oh well, I'll cross that bridge whenever I finally get dragged to it......



NETFLIX

A couple of years ago, Karla and I made the decision to cut the cable.  The reason behind it was to save money and to get the kids away from hours of mind numbing crap TV.

The money part worked out well --- really well.  We knew that we would save a monthly bill by cutting the cable.  What we didn't know was the effect it would have on Christmas and birthdays.

It's incredible how much smaller a kid's wish list gets when they aren't being constantly bombarded with commercials about all the toys and video games that are the "must have" items that all of their friends are getting.

Last Christmas Tera had only five items on her wish list; Toby had only four.  I almost felt as if I were getting away with a heinous crime when I saw so few presents under the tree on Christmas morning.

As far as getting away from the mind numbing TV  ---- not so much.

I was dreading cutting the cable as much as the kids were.  As part of the deal I asked to have Netflix streamed into my computer.  Karla saw nothing wrong with it, and away we went.

The problem I have found with Netflix is,  should I find a TV show that I like, I will watch episodes back to back to back.  I get so sucked into the story that I can't tear myself away.

This week season three of The Walking Dead became available for streaming.  Now, I am smart enough not to watch TV or play video games during the day......The end result would be me going back to work full time because I wouldn't be getting anything accomplished at home.

In the evening however......

I knocked out season three in just three evenings.  I would fall asleep about one a.m. and have to get up at 4:45 to go to my part time job.  Needless to say, I've been dragging ass this week.  I have been a live version of The Walking Dead.

Toby has the same problem.  His hangup is the Myth Busters.  Season ten became available for streaming last week.  Plus, he figured out that he could stream Netflix through his X-Box....Shit.

Now Tera doesn't have this problem.....But her choices in entertainment most definitely has the "mind numbing" part we tried to rid ourselves of covered.

Thank God, Spongebob Squarepants is no longer available for streaming.....Now if we can just rid ourselves of My Little Pony.


Still.....It is a lot better than having cable.