No Meat? Are You Crazy?...

Wow.....I can't believe I actually talked Karla into it.  Then again, maybe it wasn't me but her recent allergic reactions to processed food that compelled her to take me seriously.

Next Monday will start week two of a three week vegetarian journey that Karla and I are taking together.  Well, I say together but I am safely keeping my distance for fear that I may have poked the sleeping bear.  This could possibly go down as one of the dumbest ideas that I have ever had.  It may even be worthy of a Darwin Award.

Having done the whole vegetarian thing before and gone through the withdrawals, it won't be that big of a deal for me but I'm curious to see how Karla, a woman with a long history of crappy eating habits, is going to handle it -- or if she'll even make it. (or, more importantly, if I will make it)

As of Tuesday she was already getting tired of it....Oh boy, the growling has begun.  Maybe I should go ahead and take my pillow to the couch.

This whole thing is starting to remind me of childbirth.  Karla didn't blame me for her condition, but that certainly didn't stop her urge to kill me.  I spent part of the labor process standing in the corner of the delivery room ----- far, far away from her.  Only after the epidural kicked in did I feel it was safe enough to crawl out from behind the TV.


Anyway, as I stated, I have done this before.....sort of.  Being in the midwest where a sprig of parsley on a steak is considered a salad, I had made concessions and ate meat during the occasional family cookout; I just wasn't ready to tell all friends and family that I was content with eating a salad. Tell a beefy midwesterner that you are making an attempt at going vegetarian and you will most likely receive a fair amount of good natured ribbing and hear references to tree hugging and hippies. (It's all good.....live and let live.)

   Plus, I only get to eat my brother-in-laws barbecue once in a great while.....I should probably take advantage of that when I can.  Man....Can....Cook....

There was no deeply meaningful reason for giving up meat the first time I did it;  no political agenda or search for a Nirvana/Zen/Utopia type thing.  I'm not what one would consider a deep thinker.  And let's face it, if it's prepared right, there is nothing better than a thick juicy steak.

As my daughter so astutely put it, "I don't like killing animals --- but they taste really good when their cooked."

Yes, pumpkin, yes they do.

No, the real reason I went vegetarian was just to satisfy a curiosity; I just wondered if I could actually do it without going crazy.

I'll be honest, initially it was rough.....very rough.

The hardest part, for me, to get used to when going meatless is that, with very few exceptions, everything I ate was so light that I never really got any satisfaction from eating.  Initially, all eating was a severe letdown; damn near depressing.

I ate a lot of salads, drank smoothies and nearly wore out my juicer.  I also ate tons of yogurt, nuts, bananas, oranges, apples, and hard boiled eggs; and none of it sits in the pit of your stomach quite like a greasy cheeseburger and fries.  After week one I had serious doubts that I was going to make the six week goal I had set for myself.

Eating is such a large part of (at least American) society.  WE WON!!!! Hooray, let's eat!!!!  We lost.....dammit let's go get something to eat.  We eat when we are happy......we eat even more when we are sad.....We eat when we are bored.  And what do we eat?  Heavy, heavy, HEAVY, and greasy, greasy, GREASY food.  Man, we can put away a lot of junk.  It's no wonder we are one of the most obese countries in the world......(Surprisingly, in the latest article I read, Mexico is first....Er, I'm sorry...Numero UNO)

So imagine being accustomed to that lifestyle and then being told if it's meat, or if it's processed or fried you can't have it.......The world will seem like it's coming to a cruel and abrupt end......Trust me, I know.

But I pushed on, week after week, and almost had an aneurysm in the process....I really started to wonder why in the hell I was doing this.  Why not just give up and call it a loss?

Because I hated admitting that I couldn't do it.......

Every time Karla made spaghetti, every time she brought home pizza, every time we drove by a McDonalds, the smell was so intense it nearly drove me crazy.  Before every meaty meal at home I secretly began to wonder if perhaps I needed a straight jacket to help me resist the wonderfully greasy temptation sitting upon the kitchen counter that everyone else was going to enjoy while I drank my spinach smoothie. (Which, by the way, tastes a lot better than it looks.)

I began to compare myself to Odysseus, the greek character in Homer's odyssey who had himself tied to the mast of his ship so that he could hear the beautiful voices of the sirens without falling prey to their alluring call.  I would rock back and forth in the car as Karla drove by McDonalds, ninety percent of my brain thinking I could survive the jump out of the moving vehicle and into oncoming traffic, where I  would then stealthily dodge, bob and weave my way to the sacred golden arches.  The other ten percent of my brain begged Karla to drive faster, speeding ticket be damned.

Yes, I was truly going off the deep end.

However, after a while, the signals of massive dissatisfaction I was receiving from my stomach was beginning to subside and then became offset by the progress being made by other parts of my body -- specifically my brain.  I'm no scientist and I can't really explain why but the switch to fruits and vegetables had an extremely positive affect on me mentally, epic greasy food battle notwithstanding.  I didn't struggle to get out of bed in the morning, I felt mentally sharper and my outlook on life was a little more positive.

But, maybe that's just me....For every article on the internet stating that a vegetarian diet has positive affects on the brain there is another article claiming that a lack of meat in the diet can lead to psychological disorders.  So, who knows what the truth is....I'm just telling you how it worked out for me.

And, of course, I lost weight.....About fifteen pounds (not in six weeks.  I think that would be dangerous -- I actually kept going beyond the goal I set for myself) before I went on vacation with my family and fell (ok, joyously jumped) off the wagon in an ultra mega huge way........But hey, when is the next time I'm going to get to go to an all you can eat German Biergarten?  I was miserable (and slightly inebriated) afterwards, but it made for some great memories.

Still, I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed that I just went nuts like that.  Especially considering how hard I had to work to get through my bout with vegetarian torture.

Looking back, I remember how great I felt after it was all said and done.  Along with the radical change in diet and exercise four days a week I felt nearly invincible.  Why I didn't get back on the horse after falling (enthusiastically diving) off the wagon is a bit of a mystery to me.

But, thanks to the fish fry I recently attended, (burp) I'm back on.  For ten bucks I got a plate over flowing with fried catfish, baked cod, fried shrimp, mashed potatoes and gravy with apple pie for dessert.

Left overs?  What's that?  Om nom nom......

I finished my plate, waddled to the car and could barely keep my eyes open all the way back home.  It was damn good eating, but I felt horrible......And Karla felt equally bad.  I felt the lead weight in my stomach and thought back to my vegetarian experiment......it was time to try it again.

This time, however, it will be done with a purpose more meaningful than merely satisfying a curiosity.  I badger Karla constantly about her unhealthy eating habits so, perhaps in a warped way, I thought that going vegetarian for three weeks would be a great way to help her (and me) to get back on track.

Now I have no plans of making vegetarianism a permanent lifestyle change.  I love hamburgers and steak way too much.  To try and do without those things is setting Karla and myself up for one failure after another.  This has to be a lifestyle choice that we can maintain.

No, after three weeks we will start to slowly bring meat back into our diet.  Perhaps once a week at first and then go from there.  I'm hoping that in time meat will again be a regular part of our diet; just not the dominant part. I'm hoping that, when all is said and done, meat will take up only one fourth of our dinner plate instead of half or, admittedly, all of it.

I'm hoping that Karla acquires a taste for a healthier diet and that she gets the kind of satisfying results, both mentally and physically, that I did.  Despite the difficulties, I feel it was a worthwhile endeavor and a great learning experience.

In the immediate future, however, we both need to get through the next two weeks without one of us becoming a casualty.  Karla has been a trooper up to this point, but I fear this may get a lot worse before it gets better.

I think I will tell the kids to lock their bedroom doors at night.

I wonder how comfortable the back seat of the car is?  It's bear proof, isn't it?

A Great Day Fishing...

3/20/14

What an awesome day.....I'm sitting here, tired as hell, a little wind burnt, sneezing my ass off and eyes slightly itchy but, man oh man, was it worth it.

Spring break here, until today, was anything but. Cold and overcast all week I was starting to get irritated because I really wanted to take the kids on at least one good fishing trip before baseball/softball season started.  If I didn't get it done now I may not have another opportunity until July or August.

I tried to take them yesterday but thirty nine degrees and windy turned the outing into an absolute suck fest. Shivering and totally miserable, we left the little farm pond dejected.  Not one single nibble.

And this morning didn't show a whole lot of promise either.  The clouds were gone but it was still just thirty five degrees.  My brother Tony, who was planning on going with us, talked it over with me and we came to the conclusion that maybe we should wait until this afternoon when it was supposed to be around seventy degrees.  Yeah, right....It hasn't been seventy all week.  I'll believe it when I see it.

I couldn't tell you if it hit seventy, but by the afternoon it got warm enough to ditch the blue jeans and put on a pair of shorts. And despite the twenty five mile per hour winds I was beginning to feel slightly optimistic about my chances of getting the kids a good day of fishing.

"The wind is blowing out of the south," Tony said, "That's promising."

I took his word for it.  As much as I love to fish I'm really not that good at it.

Tony reminds me a lot of granddad; short, barrel chested and strong as an ox.  Also like granddad he will say things that I don't always understand but will at least give it a try because, after all, it SEEMS to make sense.

Tony is studying the small farm pond that Toby, Tera, and I struck out on just the day before.  Then he nods his head; his way of showing that he is done assessing the situation.

"Well," he says, "I have always heard that early in the fishing season when the water is still cold it's best to fish in the northwest corner."

"I don't even know where that is," I tell him.  I don't know why but I have no sense of direction.  If you were to drop me in the middle of some strange field, tell me to head west and find my way home......There will be a search party out looking for me the following day because it will never happen.  A pathfinder I am not.

"Over there," Tony points, "That's the part of the pond that the sun hits first, so it will warm up the fastest."

Tony starts to head that way and I think to myself, "You know, sometimes it's like granddad never left."

But then I remember that my little brother is the same guy that text me a picture of his poop.

"I call this one here.........the crocodile......Roar!!!"

Oh my God, I'm going to throw up.......

No, I don't think Granddad would do that.

Not wanting to be accused of cherry picking I set the kids up on the opposite bank; where I was planning on setting up in the first place.  It's my firm belief that if a man has picked out a spot to fish, unless there is no other alternative, you don't go and plant yourself right next to him.  I mean, if you happen to land a hawg cherry picking another fisherman I guarantee he will be praying to the fishing gods that you get struck by lightning.  Twice if said hawg happens to be a record breaker.

So I'm setting the kids up (I don't have a pole because I broke it pulling it out of the attic) with what I think would give them the best chance of catching a fish on a windy day in March.  Thinking that the water is cold and the fish will be sluggish I felt that a slow moving jig or plastic worm would be our best option.

As I'm tying a jig onto Tera's pole I hear Toby ask his Uncle what he was going to use.

"Oh, just a little Mepps spinnerbait.  I think the fish will go after it when the sun reflects off the spinner."

Five minutes later the kids let out a groan of envy as Uncle Tony lands the first fish of the day.  Perhaps a couple of pounds.....Not a bad start.

"Let's keep it." Toby says, "I want to have a fish fry."

"Alright," Tony nods, "But you're gonna have to catch a lot more than this."

Five minutes later Tony lands another one --- bigger than the last.  The kids are in awe.

Meanwhile, Tera is getting pissed.  I haven't taken her out fishing as much as I would like and she is having a hard time casting her bait.  She doesn't let off the trigger soon enough and she proceeds to pile drive the bait into the water not two feet in front of her.

PLOONK.....  "Dang it."

PLOONK.....  "Darn it....."

PLOONK...... "DAMN IT, DAD!!!!  I NEED A NEW LURE; THIS ONE ISN'T WORKING!!!!!"

Whatever you say there, Princess Potty Mouth.

Up to this point neither of the kids has even gotten a nibble.  So I man up and face the fact that my line of thinking isn't worth a hill of beans.  I pull out a Mepps Aglia spinner and tie it on to Tera's pole.  It's a size 2 with a spinner that looks like the side of a rainbow trout.

I no sooner finish tying the spinner when Tony lands number three.  Tera tenses up, pulls back on the rod and buries the treble hook into my hand.

"AHHH.....WAIT!!!"

"Oh....Sorry."  But I don't think Tera is really sorry.  Her words weren't exactly dripping with sincerity.

Tera makes her way over to the next bank over from Uncle Tony.  He had just caught number four and was heading for the stringer when Tera finally got on the board.

"Woo hoo!!!!!"   And it's a keeper.

Big brother, still fishless, shows his support and continues to fish.

A couple of casts later Tera lands another one ---  and it would end up being the biggest catch of the day:

"Great job, pumpkin!!!!  Do you want to have your picture taken with it?"

"YES!!!!!"

"Do you want me to show you how to hold it?"

"NOOOO!!!!"

So I held up Tera's catch while Toby took the picture.

After the pic, Tera continued to catch fish.  But supportive big brother disappeared.  Now after every catch Tera would beam and Toby could be heard yelling, "Man, what the hell?"

It probably would have been better had Toby not asked, "What the hell" because Tera began to rub it in.  After she caught her next fish she looked at Toby and started singing, "It's the best day ever!!!!"

Toby:  "Shut up."

Tera;  "Bwah ha ha!!! I'm on FIE-YAH!!!!"

After Tera hooked her fifth fish Tony and I, now just sitting on the bank and enjoying the day, decided Toby could be tortured no longer.

"Hey, Tera, why don't you trade poles with Toby for a few casts?"

"WHAAAT?  Pfft.....Fine, whatever."

Not five minutes after they switched poles, Toby finally landed his first fish:

Now Tera will loudly go out of her way to proudly point out that Toby's fish is MUCH smaller than hers.  But Toby didn't care, he caught his fish.....He could now leave the pond happy.

By the way, Toby is laughing in this picture because right before it was taken Tera screamed out, "YOU'RE WELCOME!!!! NOW GIVE ME MY POLE BACK!!!"

Tony and I had been sitting on the bank for about an hour just watching the kids have a good time.  The one of many things that Tony and I have in common is that we are all about the kids.  If our kids are happy, then we are happy.  The only thing that would have made this day complete was if I would have remember to bring a couple of beers with me.

"It's a good day."  said Tony

"Yup...It is."

"Dude, you're the only one that hasn't caught a fish.  Take my pole and give it a few casts."

"Nah, I'm alright."

"No," Tony insisted, "Go get a fish."

He really didn't have to twist.  I eagerly grabbed the pole and took a spot on the bank.

A few casts later I set the hook -- but I wasn't smiling.

"Ah, shit."

I did not want to pull this fish in.  I knew that the very instant everyone saw it I would catch all out hell. I reeled it in as slow as I could hoping it would get off.

Unfortunately:

As soon as I brought it in Toby, the hyena, was laughing hysterically.  Tony, on the far bank, was giving me hell. "Dammit, Tom.  We haven't caught a blue gill all day.  What the hell?  Do you know what you're doing?"

"Dad, give me your phone.  We got to have a picture."

"Shit......Whatever...."

Toby took about forty freaking photos in rapid fire succession.

"Dammit, son.  How many freaking pictures do you need?"

"Got to get all the angles," Toby said as he laughed, "He's so tiny and cute......We shall name him Pablo."

"Man, shut up and get me the pliers."

Having egg on my face I was determined to land a bass.  It didn't have to be a lunker, just a bass.

But, my next catch was another F^%$(*&  blue gill.  As Tony and the kids gave me hell I began to wonder what ancient fishing god I had offended in a previous life.

"AAAARRRGGHHH!!!!  Ok, this is it.  If I don't catch a bass this time I'm freaking done!!!!"

Sonofabitch:

There is no justice in this world.  Tony proceeded to tell me that if he were to compare my fishing skills to beer I would be Natural Light --- You can drink a lot of them, but the quality isn't worth a damn.

By the time we left the pond Tony was calling my Natty.......

Dammit, next trip....Next trip.

But what really mattered was that the kids were happy.  At then end of the day we had a good haul:

We even threw some back.

Back at Tony's house Toby happily filleted the fish while Tera, no longer afraid to grab a bass by the bottom lip, brought them over for him to clean.  It will be a nice little fish fry.

Thank God the weather cooperated and thank God Uncle Tony was there to help the kids actually catch something.  I can't wait to do it again.....

Now, it's time to drag my tired ass to the shower......and then off to bed.

What a great day.

Two Sports.....Two Different Life Lessons...

     As a coach/father I have always tried to correlate sports with life.  I have always attempted to preach the value of hard work, of using your head, and looking out for your family.  If you do those three things then, chances are, all will  be right with the world.

    But sports, just like life, is unpredictable and has a way of teaching it's own lessons.  It's up to us as players and coaches to recognize and learn from those lessons as they come along.

     For Toby, he has learned two very different sets of life lessons from two very different sports.  One about the value of hard work, the other about how, sometimes, no matter how hard you try, things just don't go your way.

     FOOTBALL -- 

     The funny thing about this sport is that Karla and I really had no intention of letting him play.  When he was little he was just that ---- LITTLE.

     One of, if not the smallest, kids in his class every year - Karla and I really felt that football was not even a sport worth trying.  In this line of thinking we missed a very important life lesson:

     "It's better to have tried and failed than to live life wondering what would have happened if I had tried."  --- Alfred Lord Tennyson

   Having, myself, been held out of football growing up I should have known better.  I wonder all the time what kind of football player I could have been.  I can still remember the conversations I had with my mom about football, it was quick and decisive:  "I'm not taking care of you for the rest of your life if you break your neck."

     Needless to say, Mom had a real hatred for football.  She has mellowed considerably now that she has grandsons playing the game......But I know she still worries, and I certainly can't fault her for that.

   But, in the summer before Toby's fourth grade year, Karla pulled a bone headed move that, to this day, still amazes me.

   In an effort to keep Toby away from the TV and busy over the summer Karla signed him up for the Lightning football camp; and Toby just ate it up.  After the first day of camp he was adamant that he wanted to play football.

     Karla's response, "Well, your dad and I will discuss it."

     In private I told her, "Discuss, my ass.....You can't sign the kid up for a football camp and then tell him he can't play.  That's just cruel."

     But, Karla, ever watchful of her precious little boy, had another trick up her sleeve.  When my brother and sister-in-law recommended that he play for the Lawrence Eagles, Karla jumped on the opportunity.  If Toby were to stay local, he was almost assured playing time just because of how small the team would be in terms of the number of players.  If he played for the Eagles, a much larger organization, he could wear all the gear and cheer his team on from the safety of the sidelines.  He's so tiny, there's no way he will find the field.

   Oh, how wrong Karla turned out to be.  By the first game of the season our little guy was the team's starting tight end, and I'll be the first to admit that when he was assigned the task of blocking linebackers almost twice his size I was a little concerned.  That concern quickly faded when I saw him play for the first time.  He never once backed down from anyone and, as an added bonus, he went to bed early every Sunday night.  :)

"It's not the size of the man, but the size of his heart that matters." -- Evander Holyfield

     Toby had spent his young football career, in my opinion, defying logic.  In a sport that is all about size and speed, Toby's mind had gotten him put in positions that I would never have put him in myself. He played a lot of cornerback, but with his discipline and attention to detail the little guy also played Tight End one year, Full Back the next year, saw time at Defensive End, and finished up his youth league playing days at middle linebacker.  All of this while being one of the smallest kids on the team.


     Of course, it helps when you have coaches that were willing to put him there.

"Humility is throwing oneself away in complete concentration on something or someone else." -- Madeleine L'Engle

     One of the refreshing things about Toby's coaches, Jeff and Stu, is that they were not afraid to admit their own mistakes and to use the mistakes they made growing up/playing/coaching to teach their kids to be better. "Discipline, Dedication, Determination",  "Work hard, work smart, and look after your family" and "Always happy, never satisfied."

     The coaches taught beyond the playing field.  Education and the future were always talked about.  The game was constantly used as a way to teach about life.

    Thank God Karla signed Toby up for football camp.  He would have missed out on meeting a lot of great people.

    By the way, Toby had his last football game with these coaches just recently.  He will always miss playing for them.  However he did achieve his final goal as a player.....He finally got to play running back, something he has always wanted to try, and he did well, making the most of his opportunity.

     I can only hope that his high school career is at least half as good as his youth football days.  But, I'm confident that Toby will do what he always does.....Work his ass off and find a way to get things done.


BASEBALL ----

"Life is not always fair.  Sometimes you get a splinter sliding down a rainbow." -- Terri Guillemets

     This part pains me greatly.  Toby and I both put our heart and soul into this game.  First to practice, last to leave, practicing on our own, taking lessons, watching video, and reading books.

    We have put a lot of love into the game and the game, unfortunately, has not loved us back.

     Toby is heading into his tenth year of baseball; and has enjoyed only one winning season.  In the previous nine years he has only been on one team that has won a (single) tournament.  In three of those nine years he never won a game, won only three one year, and only two another.

     "When life knocks you down, try to land on your back.  Because if you can look up, you can get up.  Let your reason get you back up."  -- Les Brown

     With the exception of one good year, Toby has spent his entire baseball career on his back; and I never once heard him complain --- until .....

     The phone call came in November.  The team was going in a different direction and while Toby was welcome to stay, I was told by the coach that he would hate for me to pay money to watch Toby ride the pine.  It wasn't hard to read between the lines.

     That is just the way competitive ball is, and I accept it for what it is.  It's a painful lesson but also a valuable one that I feel came at the right time.  Life isn't always easy or fair....It's not necessarily a bad thing to learn that lesson early.

     For a kid who had never once tasted the bitter pill of rejection, this was a really tough one for Toby to swallow.  For the first time in his life he was ready to do the unthinkable --- quit.......But out of sheer stubbornness  I would not allow it.  "If you're going out" I told him, "You're going out on your own terms.  Not some one else's"

     We managed to get on another team last season but Toby was not the same.  He didn't play the same, he didn't act the same.  The little workhorse that I had grown so accustomed to seeing just wasn't there.  And a two win season certainly didn't help matters.
   
   But this year is a new season, with a new team and a new attitude.  This is the year, I can just feel it.

"I don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hit's bottom." -- George S. Patton

     Last year and that unfortunate November day isn't quite a distant memory, but we are getting there.  For the first time in a very long time Toby is talking about baseball without me bringing it up.  The sting of failure and rejection is starting to wear off........The confidence is returning and, the best part of all, he is no longer the "little guy".  Compared to last season he has grown seven inches and packed on thirty five pounds.  The little bulldog is now just the bulldog; pissed off and with a big chip on his shoulder.  Toby is set to bounce back high.

     This is our year........

    Sports have been a great teacher for Toby.  He has learned about the value of hard work and the need to used your head.  He has learned about confidence and, though painful, humility.  Most importantly, he has learned that life does not provide you with opportunities.  Opportunities, are created through one's own grit and determination.

    I would say that football and baseball have prepared him well for life. And in high school, he is sure to learn more lessons to better prepare him for the future.

     Will he succeed?  Well, that remains to be seen.  But I like his chances.

   

 



   

   

Hair....

Hair......

On a woman's head it is beautiful; flowing, curly, wavy, blonde, brunette, red head.....Purple, Gray, Pink.....on and on and on.

Hair......

On a toilet, sink, and bath tub is the most vile creation on the face of God's green earth.  (Although, sadly, the earth is not nearly as green as it used to be.)

I once harbored no ill will towards the curls, the tresses, the mop, the mohawk, or long straight follicles that many a woman wished were curly.  But once I took over the cleaning duties my indifference towards hair turned to outright hatred.

Hair -- as one of many descriptions given by dictionary.com --

"any of the numerous fine, usually cylindrical, keratinous filaments growing from  the  skin of humans and animals; a pilus."


Nowhere in the dictionary does it divulge the information that hair has a highly magnetic attraction to porcelain and tile and, once deeply rooted and firmly entrenched on said surfaces, will split, grow, twist, tangle, and multiply.

I get so damn aggravated when I clean the bathroom.  I swear when I wipe away a long, disgusting, hair it is immediately replaced by several others.  What the Hell?  I feel like Hercules fighting the dreaded Hydra....Cut off one head and two more will take it's place.

Accept that Hercules, with the help of his faithful sidekick Iolaus, killed the Hydra by cutting of it's head and cauterizing the neck before another head had a chance to grow back.

Somehow, I seriously doubt Karla would appreciate me setting the toilet on fire after wiping off a hair.....Dammit.   Well, I probably couldn't actually set it on fire....I would have to blow it up.

Am I missing out on something?  Is there a proper tool that I'm not aware of designed for quick and efficient removal of hair?  A magic wash cloth?  A magnet?  A cheap maid?

Dammit, man......The thought of cleaning the bathroom just makes me want to gag.

Far worse than the vile human hair are the short, irritatingly profuse, amounts of hair shed by none other than the Canis Lupis Familiarus.......i.e.  the F@#%ing dog!!!!

I swear my beagle is like that sad Christmas tree in A Charlie Brown Christmas. Every move he makes just shakes loose seemingly thousands of tiny little hairs.  Seriously, how can this animal not be hairless?

Although Wrigley, I find, has super shedding powers, sweeping and mopping the floor isn't a completely worthless endeavor..... but it can certainly feel that way.  I feel like an ant trying to build a dam to hold off the incoming ocean tide.  Whoosh.....Shit.....try again tomorrow.

I wonder what the kids would think if, when the dogs pass on, we got a naked mole rat for a pet.  That would take care of the hair problem right there.

Ugh.....That is absolutely hideous....I wouldn't pet that with someone else's hand.....Eww...You know what....Never mind.

I'm leaving now.  I'm off to scrub the effing bathroom whilst daydreaming of an industrial sized, super bad ass, lint roller the will take all my hair problems away in one mighty roll....

You know, the cauterizing thing did work for Hercules.  Maybe I could take a lighter in with me and burn all the hair away.....Yeah, that's just stupid....

ARRRGGHH!!!!

(Sigh).....Yeah, never mind......