Thursday, October 2, 2014

Like looking in the mirror....

Tera has a temper.  She has always had a temper.

We are barely two months into the school year and Tera's temper has already gotten her into trouble -- twice.  The second time she got in trouble, the principal deemed her behavior as completely unacceptable.  Not really something you want to hear about your child.

As a parent I find this very disturbing.  No parent likes to be told that their child is a disruption.  I can't even begin to explain just how terribly disappointed I am and I have found myself at a point where I am questioning my parenting style.  What exactly am I doing wrong?  What teaching tool am I not using?  Why can't Tera control her temper?

The answer is because, quite simply ------- she's just like me.  Damn....When I look at Tera it's like looking in the mirror.

I was exactly the same way when I was her age; which makes it difficult for me to be mad at her.  I understand what it is she's going through and how easy it is to give into raw emotion. It's a habit that is not easy to break, but I know that she can get over this issue like I did.

I just hope (perhaps against all reason) that we can resolve this matter quickly.  What I wouldn't give for a big red happy button right now.

When I was a kid I used to fly off the handle a lot but, most of the time, I exploded at home, rarely at school. One of the first things that would happen whenever I got mad was that my brain would shut down.  Everything inside my head was cleared out except for that one thing that set me off.  From this point on I acted on raw emotion -- I let my anger take me wherever it wanted to go. There was no rational thought, no trouble shooting the problem.  Just simple, unchecked anger; and that is never a good thing.

Another thing that anger can do is suck all the ambition out of you.  I've seen it displayed a couple of times on the softball field.  Things get tough, something happens that didn't go the way Tera thought it should, and she gets angry.

But instead of lashing out she does the exact opposite.  The brain shuts down, and the body follows.  She gets quiet, the shoulders slump, the run turns into a walk or stomp, and plays that she normally makes turn into mistakes.

Yep.  I've done that too.  Sometimes it's just easier to give up than to fight through the problem.  Or at least that's the logic at the time.

This is something that I am working with Tera on right now.  Whenever she starts to act this way I remind her to "turn her brain on" and to "stay positive" and "work the problem".  Letting your brain go on auto pilot during times of adversity is the worst thing that you can do.  We must learn to get through this......



The main difference between Tera and I is that when I was a kid I was all too aware of my small stature.  I was the runt of the class; one of the smallest if not THE smallest kid every year.  I didn't hit five foot or a hundred pounds until my freshman year in high school.

So I knew that getting angry at school was not going to do me an ounce of good.  My fear of ending up a splat mark on the play ground, remnants of me traveling about on the bottoms of someone's shoes, did a wonderful job of keeping my temper in check.

The only time I ever lashed out was in the fifth grade.  I have no idea what I was thinking.  No, actually, I wasn't thinking.  You don't think when you are mad.

The kid I had been jawing back and forth with was a helluva lot bigger than I was.  The top of my head barely came up to his chest as we pushed each other back and forth.  (Well, he pushed me.  I couldn't get him to budge)

Finally, I couldn't take it any longer and I planted a fist into his gut.

Thank God the principal had been watching.  As soon as I landed that first punch, he flew out the door and broke things up.  I would not end up a splat mark on this day.

I lost all of my recesses for the entire week. Considering that I went to school back in the day of the paddle, I feel I got off lucky.  I definitely earned a good case of the red ass that day.



So.....what to do?

Knowing that we haven't made a strong enough impression with our current parenting tactics, Karla and I are attempting to think outside the box.

I have to admit that when Karla suggested meditation I had a hard time buying into it.

Outside the box, Tom, outside the box.

So I got on youtube and looked for some meditation videos.  What I found were a ton of videos with the words "Relaxation" and "Positive Energy" and "Channeling".

Yeah, I don't know about this.  It all sounds cheesy to me.

But.  I have to try.  Outside the box, Tom, outside the box.

So I just picked one and played it.  The video was nothing more than some strange, brightly colored, abstract picture.  Okay, whatever.

Then a woman's disembodied voice filled the room.  It was slow, soft, and, I don't know, kind of wispy and sexy.  I had to admit that it was very relaxing.  At that moment in time I thought that a nap was not a bad idea.

But when actually I started listening to what she was saying it just didn't work for me.  All I could think of was "Cheesy"......

"Breeath deeeply, reeelaaax you're mind -- and caaahhllmm you're body"

Wow.  Just how much pot did this woman have to smoke to sound like this?  All I could envision now was a baked woman with tousled hair and red eyes eating a bag of Cheetos in between airy phrases.

"Liiiive in haaarmony, wiiith your conscience."

Ugh.......I think I'm dying......

And what is it with people sitting crossed legged, with hands on knees, palms to the sky and eyes closed chanting "AAAaaaaahhhhhhhmmmmmm"?

How does "AAAaaaaahhhhhhhmmmmmm" relax anyone?

I just can't help it, whenever I see anyone doing this in public (it hasn't happened often, but I have seen it) I am overcome with this insane desire to land a flat palm upside their forehead.

SMACK!!!!!!

AAAaaaaahhhhhhhmmmmmm...........

Now, THAT, I would find relaxing.......



Then the mediation video went to hell when a vision of Bob Ross popped into my head.  If you don't know who Bob Ross is let me fill you in.  He was a painter who had an art show on a public broadcast station that I watched almost every Saturday morning.  In retrospect, I have no idea why.

A white guy sporting an Afro and speaking in the same airy voice that I was hearing now; he always talked about his paintings as if they were his way, and soon to be your way, of achieving nirvana.

"It's your painting, you can do whatever you want with it."

"There are no mistakes, only happy little accidents."

"It's all just a bunch of happy little trees."

Holy shit......STOP....JUST....STOP....

I turn off the video.  Ugh. This just isn't my thing.


Ok.....Karla is in charge of the meditation.

I believe what I will do is start sharing with Tera my angry moments as a kid.  Maybe that way Tera and I can reach some common ground and, from there, find a solution.

She's a great kid.  But, just like all kids, she's not perfect.  It's my job to make this imperfection work for her.

To learn how to controoooool and chaaaaaannel it.

Holy shit.....Did I really just say that?

AAAaaaaahhhhhhhmmmmmm..............









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