Hair....

Hair......

On a woman's head it is beautiful; flowing, curly, wavy, blonde, brunette, red head.....Purple, Gray, Pink.....on and on and on.

Hair......

On a toilet, sink, and bath tub is the most vile creation on the face of God's green earth.  (Although, sadly, the earth is not nearly as green as it used to be.)

I once harbored no ill will towards the curls, the tresses, the mop, the mohawk, or long straight follicles that many a woman wished were curly.  But once I took over the cleaning duties my indifference towards hair turned to outright hatred.

Hair -- as one of many descriptions given by dictionary.com --

"any of the numerous fine, usually cylindrical, keratinous filaments growing from  the  skin of humans and animals; a pilus."


Nowhere in the dictionary does it divulge the information that hair has a highly magnetic attraction to porcelain and tile and, once deeply rooted and firmly entrenched on said surfaces, will split, grow, twist, tangle, and multiply.

I get so damn aggravated when I clean the bathroom.  I swear when I wipe away a long, disgusting, hair it is immediately replaced by several others.  What the Hell?  I feel like Hercules fighting the dreaded Hydra....Cut off one head and two more will take it's place.

Accept that Hercules, with the help of his faithful sidekick Iolaus, killed the Hydra by cutting of it's head and cauterizing the neck before another head had a chance to grow back.

Somehow, I seriously doubt Karla would appreciate me setting the toilet on fire after wiping off a hair.....Dammit.   Well, I probably couldn't actually set it on fire....I would have to blow it up.

Am I missing out on something?  Is there a proper tool that I'm not aware of designed for quick and efficient removal of hair?  A magic wash cloth?  A magnet?  A cheap maid?

Dammit, man......The thought of cleaning the bathroom just makes me want to gag.

Far worse than the vile human hair are the short, irritatingly profuse, amounts of hair shed by none other than the Canis Lupis Familiarus.......i.e.  the F@#%ing dog!!!!

I swear my beagle is like that sad Christmas tree in A Charlie Brown Christmas. Every move he makes just shakes loose seemingly thousands of tiny little hairs.  Seriously, how can this animal not be hairless?

Although Wrigley, I find, has super shedding powers, sweeping and mopping the floor isn't a completely worthless endeavor..... but it can certainly feel that way.  I feel like an ant trying to build a dam to hold off the incoming ocean tide.  Whoosh.....Shit.....try again tomorrow.

I wonder what the kids would think if, when the dogs pass on, we got a naked mole rat for a pet.  That would take care of the hair problem right there.

Ugh.....That is absolutely hideous....I wouldn't pet that with someone else's hand.....Eww...You know what....Never mind.

I'm leaving now.  I'm off to scrub the effing bathroom whilst daydreaming of an industrial sized, super bad ass, lint roller the will take all my hair problems away in one mighty roll....

You know, the cauterizing thing did work for Hercules.  Maybe I could take a lighter in with me and burn all the hair away.....Yeah, that's just stupid....

ARRRGGHH!!!!

(Sigh).....Yeah, never mind......