As a coach/father I have always tried to correlate sports with life. I have always attempted to preach the value of hard work, of using your head, and looking out for your family. If you do those three things then, chances are, all will be right with the world.
But sports, just like life, is unpredictable and has a way of teaching it's own lessons. It's up to us as players and coaches to recognize and learn from those lessons as they come along.
For Toby, he has learned two very different sets of life lessons from two very different sports. One about the value of hard work, the other about how, sometimes, no matter how hard you try, things just don't go your way.
FOOTBALL --
The funny thing about this sport is that Karla and I really had no intention of letting him play. When he was little he was just that ---- LITTLE.
One of, if not the smallest, kids in his class every year - Karla and I really felt that football was not even a sport worth trying. In this line of thinking we missed a very important life lesson:
"It's better to have tried and failed than to live life wondering what would have happened if I had tried." --- Alfred Lord Tennyson
Having, myself, been held out of football growing up I should have known better. I wonder all the time what kind of football player I could have been. I can still remember the conversations I had with my mom about football, it was quick and decisive: "I'm not taking care of you for the rest of your life if you break your neck."
Needless to say, Mom had a real hatred for football. She has mellowed considerably now that she has grandsons playing the game......But I know she still worries, and I certainly can't fault her for that.
But, in the summer before Toby's fourth grade year, Karla pulled a bone headed move that, to this day, still amazes me.
In an effort to keep Toby away from the TV and busy over the summer Karla signed him up for the Lightning football camp; and Toby just ate it up. After the first day of camp he was adamant that he wanted to play football.
Karla's response, "Well, your dad and I will discuss it."
In private I told her, "Discuss, my ass.....You can't sign the kid up for a football camp and then tell him he can't play. That's just cruel."
But, Karla, ever watchful of her precious little boy, had another trick up her sleeve. When my brother and sister-in-law recommended that he play for the Lawrence Eagles, Karla jumped on the opportunity. If Toby were to stay local, he was almost assured playing time just because of how small the team would be in terms of the number of players. If he played for the Eagles, a much larger organization, he could wear all the gear and cheer his team on from the safety of the sidelines. He's so tiny, there's no way he will find the field.
Oh, how wrong Karla turned out to be. By the first game of the season our little guy was the team's starting tight end, and I'll be the first to admit that when he was assigned the task of blocking linebackers almost twice his size I was a little concerned. That concern quickly faded when I saw him play for the first time. He never once backed down from anyone and, as an added bonus, he went to bed early every Sunday night. :)
"It's not the size of the man, but the size of his heart that matters." -- Evander Holyfield
Toby had spent his young football career, in my opinion, defying logic. In a sport that is all about size and speed, Toby's mind had gotten him put in positions that I would never have put him in myself. He played a lot of cornerback, but with his discipline and attention to detail the little guy also played Tight End one year, Full Back the next year, saw time at Defensive End, and finished up his youth league playing days at middle linebacker. All of this while being one of the smallest kids on the team.
Of course, it helps when you have coaches that were willing to put him there.
"Humility is throwing oneself away in complete concentration on something or someone else." -- Madeleine L'Engle
One of the refreshing things about Toby's coaches, Jeff and Stu, is that they were not afraid to admit their own mistakes and to use the mistakes they made growing up/playing/coaching to teach their kids to be better. "Discipline, Dedication, Determination", "Work hard, work smart, and look after your family" and "Always happy, never satisfied."
The coaches taught beyond the playing field. Education and the future were always talked about. The game was constantly used as a way to teach about life.
Thank God Karla signed Toby up for football camp. He would have missed out on meeting a lot of great people.
By the way, Toby had his last football game with these coaches just recently. He will always miss playing for them. However he did achieve his final goal as a player.....He finally got to play running back, something he has always wanted to try, and he did well, making the most of his opportunity.
I can only hope that his high school career is at least half as good as his youth football days. But, I'm confident that Toby will do what he always does.....Work his ass off and find a way to get things done.
BASEBALL ----
"Life is not always fair. Sometimes you get a splinter sliding down a rainbow." -- Terri Guillemets
This part pains me greatly. Toby and I both put our heart and soul into this game. First to practice, last to leave, practicing on our own, taking lessons, watching video, and reading books.
We have put a lot of love into the game and the game, unfortunately, has not loved us back.
Toby is heading into his tenth year of baseball; and has enjoyed only one winning season. In the previous nine years he has only been on one team that has won a (single) tournament. In three of those nine years he never won a game, won only three one year, and only two another.
"When life knocks you down, try to land on your back. Because if you can look up, you can get up. Let your reason get you back up." -- Les Brown
With the exception of one good year, Toby has spent his entire baseball career on his back; and I never once heard him complain --- until .....
The phone call came in November. The team was going in a different direction and while Toby was welcome to stay, I was told by the coach that he would hate for me to pay money to watch Toby ride the pine. It wasn't hard to read between the lines.
That is just the way competitive ball is, and I accept it for what it is. It's a painful lesson but also a valuable one that I feel came at the right time. Life isn't always easy or fair....It's not necessarily a bad thing to learn that lesson early.
For a kid who had never once tasted the bitter pill of rejection, this was a really tough one for Toby to swallow. For the first time in his life he was ready to do the unthinkable --- quit.......But out of sheer stubbornness I would not allow it. "If you're going out" I told him, "You're going out on your own terms. Not some one else's"
We managed to get on another team last season but Toby was not the same. He didn't play the same, he didn't act the same. The little workhorse that I had grown so accustomed to seeing just wasn't there. And a two win season certainly didn't help matters.
But this year is a new season, with a new team and a new attitude. This is the year, I can just feel it.
"I don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hit's bottom." -- George S. Patton
Last year and that unfortunate November day isn't quite a distant memory, but we are getting there. For the first time in a very long time Toby is talking about baseball without me bringing it up. The sting of failure and rejection is starting to wear off........The confidence is returning and, the best part of all, he is no longer the "little guy". Compared to last season he has grown seven inches and packed on thirty five pounds. The little bulldog is now just the bulldog; pissed off and with a big chip on his shoulder. Toby is set to bounce back high.
This is our year........
Sports have been a great teacher for Toby. He has learned about the value of hard work and the need to used your head. He has learned about confidence and, though painful, humility. Most importantly, he has learned that life does not provide you with opportunities. Opportunities, are created through one's own grit and determination.
I would say that football and baseball have prepared him well for life. And in high school, he is sure to learn more lessons to better prepare him for the future.
Will he succeed? Well, that remains to be seen. But I like his chances.
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