Am I doing the right thing?

What's it been, ten, eleven months since I left the full time work force?  Wow.....Time flies.

To be completely honest I don't miss it that much.  I can honestly say that cleaning the house, shopping, putting food on the table (well, ok, dumping stuff in the crock pot) and running my kids all over hell and high water has been the most satisfying job I have ever had --- even if my boss says I clean like a man..... (I still think the toothbrush in the corners of the baseboards is a little excessive ---- which is why I haven't done it....Yeah, I'm a rebel......I'd burn my bra if I had one.)

I feel like the stress level for both Karla and I has gone down dramatically.  I feel like I get to spend quality time with the kids; that I can actually take the time to enjoy watching them grow up.

But there is still a small part of me that wonders if I'm doing the right thing.

Now as far as the stigma of being a stay at home dad is concerned; I don't wonder about that at all. It really doesn't bother me and it has never been a problem as far as how I have been viewed by others.

Growing up in a household where the line of thinking was "Be a man" and  "Provide for your family" I was actually kind of expecting to catch a little bit of a rash from my dad.  He was the bread winner and mom stayed home....That is the way things should be as the old school line of thinking goes.

  But he has actually been really cool about it.  If he does have any reservations about me staying home he has done a marvelous job of keeping it to himself.

I find it absolutely incredible that there are still men in this world that firmly believe that a woman's place is in the home.  I've asked this question before and I will ask it again -- well, what if the woman is smarter than you?  Is it fair to keep your best player on the bench?

Make no doubt about it, Karla is the bread winner in this family.  While she graduated from KU in three years I bombed out of college after two semesters.  (It was bad enough that when I went back I had to take an academic fresh start......I'm proud to say that when I left college the second time, though I didn't finish, I left with a 3.6 GPA)

Karla has since used her degree to move up the corporate ladder......I took a factory job.

It's not hard to see who has the most potential for growth in the job market.

No, a woman's place is not in the home.....A woman's place is where she feels she needs to be in order to be happy.

And, no, I don't feel like any less of a man because I wash dishes and fold laundry.

But, in all fairness, given the way that I along with other men have been raised, I understand the logic.  I have to admit that at first I kind of felt like a free loader.....Men are supposed to making money, dammit.

Ok....I kind of veered off course a little....Sorry.


I mentioned that I worked in a factory......That is the main concern that I have, so let's go back to that.

I realize that the longer I am out of the job market the tougher it will be to get back in should the need arise.  I'm middle aged and have no skill set and it would be a tough task indeed to find anything that pays barely above minimum wage.

By giving up on college and happily taking a factory job I had, unknowingly at the time, did myself a huge disservice. No, worse than that....I totally screwed myself.

  Without a degree or some type of skill set my resume wasn't even worth cheap toilet paper. (I do have a DIPLOMA in computer networking.....A source of extreme aggravation.  I was told at the time that this fledgling program  the tech school offered  should be an associates degree by the time I finished and that I could transfer my credits to a four year university. The paper work had been submitted and was waiting for approval.

Yeah, that never happened.  To rub salt in the wound I had to have the honest recruiter who told me that the switch from diploma to associates degree hadn't been approved yet and there was a possibility that it wouldn't happen.  Another recruiter flat out lied and told everyone he recruited that it was a done deal.  Those people sued and got their money back.......All I have to show for whole rotten endeavor is my diploma, and I'm not so sure that I didn't throw it away.....GRRRRR....)


My next job after I left the factory barely covered half of my old wages.  That, was an eye opener.  It made me glad that I wasn't a guy in my late 50's, suddenly cut loose and having to find a job that would pay all his bills.  For an experienced, long in the tooth, factory worker, his chances of finding a job comparable to what he had are very, very, slim.  Sure he could get on at another factory but he will most likely have to come in at entry level.  Good bye house, good bye car, good bye former life.

That just sucks.

Fortunately, we are in a very good place financially.  Thanks to ten painful years of Dave Ramsey's financial peace I don't have to get a high paying job should something happen and Karla suddenly finds herself unemployed.  But the ugly truth is that, financially, I simply won't be able to provide for the kids the way Karla can; not even close.  Should the family have to rely on me to bring home the bacon, we would have to drastically change our lifestyle.  No more competitive sports, no more big vacations, no more frivolous purchases.

Plus Karla and I really want to help pay for their college expenses so they can graduate and not start off life with a mountain of debt.

Yeah, minimum wage ain't gonna cut it.

There are very few things about my life that I would want to go back and change.....But college, or at least a legitimate vo tech, is definitely one thing I would tackle should I ever be given a do over.  (I wouldn't do it....But the thought of burning down the tech school where I got my diploma did cross my mind.  I was temporarily filled with mirth.)

Sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake leaving the work force in the first place.

I occasionally will sit on the couch and think about all the money I gave up by staying home.  Lord, the house could be completely fixed up.  We could be going on vacations/road trips every few months.  The kids college funds would be looking good and, who knows, I might even be driving that Cadillac that I have always wanted.

Am I doing the right thing?

But then I remember the house being an absolute disaster because no one was home long enough to clean it.  I can still hear Toby yelling, "Dang it, I'm out of clean underwear."

I remember eating a lot of really bad food because we didn't have time to cook a good meal. We were dependent on fast food and the microwave.

As a result of eating like crap Karla and I, in turn, felt like crap.....and my waistline got a little larger.

And most of all I remember being dead tired as I would run frantically from one kids activity to another.  Get off work, run home and get the kids, run back out the door, come home after dark.  I remember getting to bed late and struggling to get out of bed the next morning......I remember sitting on the edge of the bed, grimacing when I thought about the days schedule......Shit, I'll be lucky to get home by ten tonight.

I remember our poor dogs having accidents in the house because we didn't get home in time to let them out.

I remember when Monster drinks were just a regular part of the routine......and I still fell asleep at work.

You know what?....I'm an idiot.  No, really.....I am....

I can't believe I actually just sat here and wondered about making a choice between money and my family.  That's incredible....

Money isn't everything, dammit........Family is.

I am never, EVER, going to sit here and think about this ever again.....I will not second guess myself.

I.... am.... doing..... the right thing.