It's a dreary, rainy day; Toby's track meet has been canceled (oh well, he was sick anyway) and Mario, my scatterbrained Shih Tzu, is totally freaking out and won't stray more than a couple of steps away from me.
"Dude, relax....There's nothing I can do for you."
I felt bad for the little flea bag. For about two hours he would occasionally go to the door, asking to go to the bathroom -- and when I opened the door he would see the rain, stick his tail in between his legs, and slink back to his doggie bed.
"You know what, I can hold it."
Finally the pressure in his tiny canine bladder became too much. He was literally shaking as he gingerly made his way to the front door. I opened it and had my foot ready to boot him out in case he started to change his mind. It's not that I wanted to boot him; I just had no burning desire to clean an ammonia scented yellow puddle off the floor. I told myself that if I had to give him the boot then it was for his own good....Tough love, if you will.
But I'm proud to say that I didn't have to give Mario the inspirational Nike.....Looking back on it, it was probably a good thing too.....I may have ended up with a shoe saturated with pee.....Blech....
Mario bolted out the door and as soon as his paws hit grass he squatted. He was shaking and totally scared out of his gourd the whole time he was going to the bathroom.
"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!!!!! For the love of Pete, why can't I pee faster?!"
As soon as he finished he ran as if he had been caught out in the middle of a firing range; he couldn't get back inside fast enough. He jumped into the house, made for his doggy bed, and promptly passed out.
I'm thinking he's been asleep for about an hour now. It's been a trying day for him.
But, my mutt's ombrophobia wasn't really going to be the point of this blog. I have, once again, succeeded in getting distracted and veering way off topic.....Well, no.....That's not true. I can't veer off topic if I never mentioned what I was going to write about in the first place.
No, today's topic was supposed to start with rain and end with my garden......So, let's go there now, shall we?
Normally when it rains I find myself disappointed because rain means no baseball/softball. But since I planted my garden last weekend I suddenly find myself almost giddy at the thought of watching my garden grow......I must be getting old.
I had been talking a lot lately about how I couldn't wait to get out this spring and plant my first ever garden. But then, just recently, I remembered that I had, in fact, tried this once before when Toby was about two or three. I don't really remember if the garden turned out a success or not. But I do remember Toby hitting me in the back of the head with a hoe. Yes sir, it was an awesome father/son bonding experience.
Little Toby had gotten a little garden tool set and was eager to use it. The hoe was shaped like a heart; the bottom of the heart was pointed and just sharp enough to break the skin but just dull enough as to not bury itself deep into an adult cranium.
Toby and I had just thrown a seed into a hole. I bent over to cover it; Toby took a mighty swing with his hoe. His logic behind such a move still escapes me.....
I didn't know a toddler could swing that hard. The little shit brought the hoe down on the back of my head and nearly drove my face into the ground. I shot to my feet, held my head, and screamed as I did the stupid man dance across the yard. I think the only thing that kept me from getting stitches was my ball cap.
After the dance was over I turned to face my son. I was so mad that I had every intent of yanking that little hoe out of his chubby little hands and breaking it in half over my knee.
But before I even started to reach over, Toby looked up at me with those bright blue eyes and smiled with those chubby little cheeks and said sweetly........"I sorry...."
Sigh........Rage gone.....Annihilated by cuteness.
"It's okay....Just be a little more careful, ok?"
"Ok, Dad...."
How in the world did I manage to forget something as traumatic as that? Toby will grow stronger and hit harder but I seriously doubt that anything outside of running me over with his car will ever hurt as bad as that damn toddler sized hoe......Cripes.
Hmm. I still haven't gotten to my garden yet, have I?
OK, I promise.....Garden talk, from here on out. I will abbreviate it since I've already written a bunch.....(Editing? What's that?)
First off, the ground in my yard isn't all that great; rocks and clay mainly. As a result I have gone through three quarters of my compost for a garden roughly eight square feet in size.
Speaking of compost, I am about to show how much of a gardening neophyte I am. I don't know why but the thought never occurred to me that I would find bugs in my compost....Well, duh, dumb ass. Take a moment to think about what you are throwing in there.
As soon as I saw the first roach I knew that I could never ask Tera to get compost out of the bin. She is a tomboy about everything EXCEPT bugs.
Spiders are the worst. It goes something like this: Tera sees spider, Tera screams, Tera kills it.....I swear she puts so much fear and malice into her stomp that I'm thoroughly convinced that someday she is going to break her foot.
"Oh my God, that's so gross!!!!"
Once Tera screamed on our walk home from school; a spider was crawling across the sidewalk. I placed my hand upon her shoulder and stopped her.
"You know," I said, "Spiders are our friends. They eat other bugs."
Tera: "NOT IF THEY'RE DEAD!!!!"
STOMP......"THAT IS SO GROSS!!!!"
Yeah, okay.....Never mind.
Dammit....Garden.....I'm supposed to be writing about my garden......
Aw, crap, I give up. I'm just too distracted today......I have a garden.....You're just going to have to take my word for it. Maybe I'll write another blog along with photographic evidence later this summer.
I have a garden....Seriously, I do....
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