I really should look into my family history; you know, find my roots. I know that my granddad is German and that my Mom is Filipino. But I don't really know where my grandmothers' roots lie.
I wonder if there could possibly be some Scottish ancestry flowing through my grandma's veins. I mean how else can I explain my odd attachment to the bagpipes? Every once in a while I will pull up Pandora and play the station "Scottish National Pipes and Drum Corps" --- and it drives everyone else in the house stark raving nuts.
Seriously, I could listen to "Scotland the Brave" over and over and over again......It fascinates me. Upon hearing the thundering drums and the shrill pipes I have this incredible urge to march about the house; visions of Mel Gibson and his painted face dancing inside my head.
THEY MAY TAKE OUR LIVES, BUT THEY WILL NEVER TAKE OUR......FRREEEEEDDDOOOMMM!!!!
"How can you not like this, kid?"
Tera: "It sounds like a dying flamingo."
"What? How would you know? Do you even know what a flamingo sounds like?"
Out of curiosity, I looked up flamingoes on youtube and gave a listen.
"Huh.....I'll be damned."
I have to admit, with a little imagination, I can make the connection between a pain stricken, dying flamingo and a bagpipe. Tera wasn't too far off.
Yeah, whatever.....Don't ruin it for me kid.
Tera: "Dad, can I watch TV now?"
"You know, I have always wanted to try haggis. Do you want to see what it's made out of?"
Tera: "No, not really."
"Hold on, I'll find it on youtube."
Tera: (Sigh) "You're such a dork."
Haggis, it turns out, is sheep lungs, kidneys, heart, liver, among other things, cooked inside a sheep stomach. Yummo.......
When the man in the video cut open the stomach and pulled out what bore some resemblance to a rather unappetizing form of stove top stuffing, Tera's nose curled.
Tera: "That's just gross."
"You never know....It might actually taste really good."
Tera: "Yeah, get back with me on that."
I want to try haggis, dammit.....Just to say that I did.
And what better way to try haggis then after spending the day at the Highland Games watching burly men prove their manliness by heaving logs into the air for no apparent reason whatsoever.
Actually, I would love to try the caber toss. But, at 180 lbs., I am all too aware that I do not have the muscle to pick up a 175 lb. caber. Add a slight lack of coordination and the end result is one flat Filipino. I will have to be content with just watching the event.
One last attempt to convince my daughter of the awesomeness of the pipes......
I pull up a video of seven hundred pipes and drums, marching across an open field and playing "Scotland the Brave".
The first time I watched it the hair on my neck stood up. The pipes blared, the drums thundered, and seven hundred strong marched on. What I would have given to have been there in person. I can't imagine any Scotsman not seeing that and puffing out his chest, heart filled with pride. It was a magnificent sight to behold.
So I played the video for Tera. As soon as the pipes began to play I was already in another world. My kilt, my sword, my shield, my fellow countryman at my side.....I was ready for battle.
And then Tera began to laugh......
Tera: "WAIT.....GO BACK!!!"
"What for?"
Tera: "Just go back to the beginning...."
I just knew that this was not going to end well....But I did as I was told.
I restarted the video....Twenty seconds in Tera pointed to a man a couple of rows in. She could hardly stop laughing.
Tera: "LOOK!!!!! HE HAS TOILET PAPER STUCK TO THE BOTTOM OF HIS SHOE!!!!"
There was no denying it. My beautiful video.....seven hundred strong playing "Scotland the Brave" had just been ruined by two feet of shit paper stuck to the bottom of one man's shoe.
I sunk back in my seat; totally dismayed. One simply cannot go into battle with toilet paper affixed to his boot. Tera ---- my precocious daughter -- had found the turd in the punch bowl; and she continued to laugh hysterically...... My beautiful video was now completely ruined......
"Shit...."
Tera: "Yep, that's what it's....."
"Don't you have a cartoon to watch?"
Tera: "Hooray!!!! Thanks, dad...."
Yeah.....Whatever.....
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