Coaching withdrawal.....

Toby has his first football game as a high school freshman next Monday and, even though it's going to take me some time to adjust, I can't wait.....

Sort of.

This year I will not coach Toby in any sport --- None....At....All...

This year, his freshman year in high school, will be the first time since kindergarten that I will not be involved as a coach in any of Toby's athletic endeavors; and I can already feel the withdrawals.

It feels -- strange. Not scary, just.....strange.

Perhaps it's the same sensation I got when Karla threw away my favorite flannel shirt because it was "grody".  Whatever, it was broke in.

I guess coaching Toby and my old flannel shirt are the same in that, yes, all good things must come to an end.  It's not the end of the world and it's not like I can't keep coaching/get another flannel shirt.

But it just won't be the same....I love coaching my son....and I loved that flannel shirt ---- DAMMIT!!!

Why in the hell did you have to throw that away?  I know it was once green.....It's not grody, it's faded for Pete's sake.....Aaahhhh!!!

 Ok...letting go......letting go.....

Anyway.....


 No more coaching football and, in the spring, no baseball.  I'm just not sure how I'm going to handle this.  I've always been able to walk the sidelines (Toby played arena football in Jr. High, outside of school) or pace around in the dug out.  The bleachers, despite the fact that I have sat in them from time to time, are a foreign place to me.

I wonder if I will be able to just sit back and enjoy the game?  I certainly hope so.  The one thing I do not want to be is THAT parent that thinks he knows a better way to run a team.  That parent that thinks this kid should be playing this position and that this scheme is a crock of shit.....Blah, blah, blah.

I've been coaching long enough to know just how thankless a job it can be.  When you win you're great....Lose and you're an idiot.  So I will make a concentrated effort to be what I am supposed to be -- a fan.

Coaches coach, players play, refs --- well, they try (LOL), and parents cheer.  At least that's how it's supposed to be.  Rarely does it ever work out that way.

It just doesn't matter what a coach does, there are those fans/parents that will just never be happy.  The grass is always greener........

Having said that, in my own personal experience I have found that a majority of the criticism over the years has come from a minority of parents.  I have been very blessed to have been able to be around a really solid group of level headed parents in all the sports that both of my children have participated in.

Also,  I have had parents that have taken their kids to other teams but were very gracious about it.  I have no problem with a parent moving their child because they feel like the coaching staff's philosophy of the game doesn't fit their own.  As long as we can part amicably then all is right with the world.

This by no means indicates that I am sympathetically exonerating all coaches for their actions....They are human, they make mistakes....Lord knows I have made more than my fair share of mistakes.

But if I ever have a problem with a coach you can take it to the bank that you will NEVER see me confront one in public; and I will NEVER contact that coach until after I have emerged from my self imposed twenty four hour rule.

I firmly believe in the twenty four hour rule.  Simply stated, if you see something that upsets you then you need to go home and sit on it for twenty four hours.  Usually during that time,  logic and a well prepared case that you can POLITELY present to the coach emerges.  There's no yelling, no flying off the handle, no accusations or name calling that you will surely regret later.

Plus....I don't ever recall an instance where a parent berating a coach, especially in public, has ever earned his or her child more playing time.

Anyway, it's a good rule of thumb to live by.  The tongue is the sharpest weapon that you will ever possess.  Make sure that when you cut some one down with it that they actually deserved it.



So far I have found a couple of things to help me deal with my coaching withdrawal.  One is an awesome website that gives me access (once Toby logs me on, of course) to all of Toby's teams game film.

The first time Toby logged on it felt as if I had won the lottery.  It was Christmas in August, it was a childish euphoria that had me so giddy I nearly wet myself. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!!!

I have never had the opportunity to just sit on the couch and break down film.  Play, stop, rewind, slow motion ---- draw up the play the way all the NFL analysts do during games.  My God, where has this truly amazing creature been all my life?  Add a six pack of beer and nachos and my life is complete.  :)

I can already tell that every Saturday morning until football season is over,  Karla is going to have to come by, shut down the site, and force the honey do list into my hands.

C'mon honey.....The trim doesn't need to be painted THAT bad.....

No....I haven't showered yet.  I meant to and then there was this play that I wanted to look at.....

Kids?  What kids?  Where was I supposed to take them?


The other thing that is helping me through this mess is that I can still coach Tera; and she is getting to that age where it's really starting to become fun.

At nine years of age it's safe to say that Tera knows just as much about softball than I ever did about baseball as a high school player.  Competitive sports, with more games and practices, has done a lot in regards to accelerating what kids can learn.  I'm willing to bet that Tera played more games last year then I did in three when I was around her age.

I still worry about the commitment and the possibility of burn out but, for now, Tera has bought into it.  So much so that she has already quit playing other sports.  She gave up basketball this year and wants to spend her time shagging flies in the outfield --- and her old man couldn't be happier.

We did agree that she still needs other things to do.  So we signed her up for Girls On The Run --- (Can't say enough good things about GOTR -- every school should have it) and we are looking to get her into something non sports related.  We have 4-H and there could possibly be a guitar in her future.

Okay....Veering off course here.  Allow me to right the ship.

Still having Tera around to coach has definitely made becoming Toby's biggest fan a little easier for me to deal with. However, I have no idea what I'm going to do when I'm done coaching Tera.  I fear that day...I REALLY fear that day.

I guess I could buy a metal detector, Birkenstocks, and knee high black socks.

"Hey, look what I found!!!"

Ugh.....

I've put so much time into my kids that I have given up a lot of my own hobbies along the way.  I don't fish or hunt anymore.  (Not a big deal....I suck at both)  I haven't been on my bicycle in years (I'm sure the tires are flat, chain dry) and I haven't been hiking since before Toby was born.

But honestly, while those are fun activities, it doesn't hold a candle to coaching my kids......Man, I am going to miss coaching Toby.....But, life goes on, right?

I may have to take a couple of shots of whiskey before the first few games that Toby plays just to calm my nerves.....Otherwise, I may end up being that guy that's sitting by himself in the stands because he is rocking back and forth and talking to himself........Who knows, perhaps I'm doing that already......

"Hello, my name is Tom."

"Hi, Tom"

"Ugh, thanks.  Anyway, my name is Tom, and I haven't coached my son in six weeks.  I'm really struggling with it --- I can't get the voices out of my head.  Just go down there Tom......Tell him what he's doing wrong Tom.....The other coaches won't notice that you have stolen a pair of head sets......Just act like you're one of  them and maybe they won't notice......"

I'll get through this.....I will.....But this may not be graceful.....


I wonder what Karla thinks about adoption?