I want you to be better than me.....

I have told both of my kids on numerous occasions that my goal as a parent is too raise them to be a better person than I am.

 I'm not worried about whether or not they have a high paying profession or the perfect spouse.  I worry even less about what material things they will own.

No.....When I tell my kids that I want them to grow up being a better person than I am, that has nothing to do with professional or financial success.  I'm focused more on the WHO they become not WHAT they become.

I worry about whether or not they will be happy.  I worry about whether they grow up appreciating what life is really about......If they learn anything from me -- I want them to learn two things.


HUMILITY ---- IT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE......

Before the Dave Ramsey revolution I correlated happiness with material possessions.  Given our lifestyle as Americans that last little statement shouldn't surprise anyone.

It's borderline insane when you think about how the list of wants in our society has somehow morphed into needs.  Gotta have that big house -- gotta have that new car -- gotta have dish network and a television in at least four rooms --- got have the best cell phone --- gotta have internet.  (ok, yeah, I GOTTA have internet -- we all have our vices.)

Our society, generally speaking of course, has become so obsessed with having the biggest and the best the we have really forgotten that the best things in life are the simplest. As a society we have also successfully turned everything we do into an almost cut throat competition.

The United States once had it's arms race with Russia, in comparison American society had, and is still having, it's "keeping up with the Jones's" race.  This race, thanks to shameless advertising, has gotten an almost lethal adrenaline injection as the brain washed masses compete for the nicest material possessions, massive amounts of debt be damned.

I remember as a kid my dad once told me to never get a credit card.  "It's a rip off, son, stay away from it."  (I don't know if he has one now.....Not going to ask)

I remember my dad saved for years ----YEARS ---- to buy his beloved '85 Jeep Cherokee.

That mindset of scrimping and pinching has long since given way to a society that feels that it is in dire need of instant gratification.  

When, in reality, what society really needs is to check itself into retail detox......

The lifestyle that Karla and I choose to live is one that we hope makes a lasting impression on our children. The lesson is that simple and debt free is good.

When once owned an old two and a half story farm house, stone foundation, wood floors, about twenty four hundred square feet. The kind of home that, if fixed up right, could end up in a better homes and gardens magazine.  It took us a while to figure out that it was way more house than we really needed.

When we downsized we bought a berm home that had barely nine hundred square feet.  In fact, the purchase went something like this:  We walked in and are immediately back handed by the over powering stench of cat urine. We find a broken window in one bedroom with a blanket stuffed in it. (We would later find termites as well)

The place was like a dark, smelly cave --- and I'm not so sure that I didn't back pedal a few steps after I first walked in the door.

But, the house was in a small town, in a quiet neighborhood, with a small school that had a good reputation.  That trumped the condition of the house.

"Wow, what a shit hole," I said,  "We'll take it."

We aren't anywhere close to being done with our renovations but we have fixed it up quite a bit since that first day we moved in.  I'm quite certain there were family members that thought we had gotten ourselves into trouble financially, but we didn't ---- this was a calculated move to assure that our financial instability would never happen.

Plus, I liked the small size --- easy to maintain.  The money we dumped into our old house was outrageous.  So much so that when we bought the house for 97,000 and then sold it for 148,000 we actually broke even.  A young couple walked away learning a valuable lesson about old houses.  I will never own a big old house ever again.

Anyway, our current house fit's the lifestyle that I hope my kids adopt.  Simple....simple...simple.

We don't have cable; logic being that we won't want anything if we don't know it exists, and not one piece of furniture inside our house has ever been bought new.  A lot of our home improvement projects were done on the cheap or, if we got lucky -- like the patio for instance --- for free.

It is not a beautiful house by any stretch of the imagination.  But the roof keeps the rain out, the kitchen has food, there's a place to sleep, and a place to take a bath.  That's good enough.

(Well, I kind of wish the bathroom had a fart fan......Burning candles doesn't mask shit....literally)

Now if Toby and Tera go out on their own and end up buying a huge mansion and have two brand new vehicles sitting in their driveway I'm fine with that --- if that's what truly makes them happy.

I just want them to grow up knowing that they have the option of living simple....That they don't have to keep up with the Jones's if they don't want to.


COMPASSION ---  HELP OUT WHEN YOU CAN.....

I used to donate to the Red Cross.  I used to give to the Salvation Army.  I used to adopt a child for Christmas........And I used to feel really good every time I did it.

Shortly after children I stopped -- and I can't explain why.

Why would I stop giving?  Why would I stop helping?  Especially when it made me feel good?

Because life with kids gets expensive.....It's not a very good excuse, but it's all that I have.

I have not been good about teaching my kids about helping those who have less.  I have failed to teach them to look beyond their own needs and to look after the needs others.

I have, quite simply, neglected to teach compassion on a consistent basis.

That.....Ends.....Now......

I want my kids to understand that the best way to show thanks for having a good life is to do their part to help those in need.

This year, we will adopt a family, or perhaps each kid will adopt a child.

I remember the first time I adopted a child -- a pregnant teenager.  Her list contained kid things like glow pens and nail polish.  Here was a child getting ready to have a child, a young girl who probably had no idea how much tougher her life was about to get.  It kinda tore me up.

I did what I could to get everything on her list.  I knew, in the big picture, that my contribution wouldn't really amount to squat.  But if I could at least give her a decent Christmas then, at least for one day, all would be right with the world.

Once again, why have I stopped helping?

I believe that there are a few charity 5K's that Tera and I can run -- we can do that too.

These two things will be a good way to get my kids started in what I hope will turn out to be a life long endeavor.

Eventually, I would like to have the kids come face to face with the people that they are helping.  An example of that would be to work in a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving day --- but I'm not sure I will do that this year.

My family stopped celebrating Thanksgiving years ago, and so, helping serve meals to the homeless wouldn't be a big deal.  But Karla's family does celebrate Thanksgiving, and I don't want to do anything to disrupt that.  After all, it is all about family, and that's a good thing.

But I'm sure there will be other opportunities to help out....I will just have to keep my eyes open.


Only time will tell how my kids will choose to live their lives.  If their take on the world ends up being different than mine it won't mean that I failed as a parent ---- people have to live their lives how they see fit --- it just means that my kids felt that they have found a better way to navigate through this mess that is the world today.

I can at least take solace in knowing that I tried  ---- and as long as they're happy, I'm happy......