A ten minute tidy, for those not in the know, is when the entire family spends ten minutes picking up the house. It doesn't sound like a big deal but, if you haven't tried it, you may want to consider giving it a go. It's amazing how much clutter disappears when a family of four knuckles down and works together for just ten minutes; and you come away with a little brighter outlook on your day.
During one particular ten minute tidy, Tera had picked up a pair of my shoes and put them away in my closet. When she came back she said, "Dad, you have sixteen pairs of shoes in your closet."
"What?" I ask, "No way....Are you sure you didn't count some of your Mom's shoes by mistake?"
"Nope." said Tera with an air of confidence, "They are all yours."
I stopped what I was doing and went to have a look for myself and, wouldn't you know it, I did have sixteen pairs of shoes.
Back in 1986, revolution had hit the Philippines, leading to the exile of Ferdinand Marcos and his wife Imelda. When the revolting masses stormed the Marcos palace they found a room holding over 1, 220 pairs of Imelda's shoes.
Either Karla had a real strong grasp of current events at thirteen years of age or my Mom had told her stories about the revolution after we started dating. Whatever the case may be, every time I talk about getting a new pair of shoes Karla smirks and says, "It must be a Filipino thing."
She knows all too well that the Philippines is a poor country; she just loves to give me shit about my love for shoes.
I stared at my collection...Damn, I don't even wear most of these shoes.
Then I went over to Karla's side of the closet and counted how many pairs of shoes she had. She had fifteen.....Fifteen? What in the hell is she giving me shit about? We will have to discuss this when she gets home. (And discuss we did......Apparently being a woman is all the excuse you need to own several pair of shoes. Whatever)
Anyway, as I stood there staring at my shoes I began to realize just how spoiled I am. I have had a good job since I was nineteen years old and never once struggled to make ends meet. I did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and never once had to worry about the repercussions.
Now, as I stated in an earlier post, Karla and I went through the excruciating process known as Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. (It's worth it).....But, by most American standards, we didn't have to. We were doing just fine. Granted, with the birth of our first child, things got tight. But we were never in any danger of losing our house or going bankrupt, Karla was only working part time, and I was moving up the seniority ladder at work; it was just a matter of time before I got a higher paying job.
But I had it in my mind that I was going to retire at fifty; and that wasn't going to happen living the way we were. So that's how financial peace came to be.
After ten years of Dave Ramsey we finally broke through. We made our last payment on the house and we were FREE!!! Things got better......A whole lot better.
Some of the excess we have enjoyed post-Ramsey:
1. Not every guy can say that he has a three hundred dollar a month gear budget.....And I spent it as soon as I got it. If you need proof, all you have to do is come over to my house and look at all the gear I have packed away in our spare bedroom. I used to give equipment away just so I could make room for the new gear I was preparing to buy...
Someone would always ask me, "How much do you want for it?"
And my response was always the same, "It's free; I just want to see a kid get some good use out of it."
2. I had an eighty dollar a month clothing allowance. As a result I have a pair of jeans, shorts, and shoes for every day of the week....And don't even get me started on t-shirts.
3. Every Tuesday, without fail, was pizza night. The local pizza joint would have their specials that we would order and enjoy to the tune of about one hundred and twenty dollars a month
Now, picture going to sporting events year round --- and going out to eat at almost all of them. Buying tournament paraphernalia --- and eating out some more.
I kid you not, in the month of June this family spent eight hundred dollars, in cash, on sports and eating out.
You know that old saying, "You can't see the forest through the trees"? Well, that was Karla and I. For months we would run from place to place, complaining about how tired we were, complaining that the house was a wreck, complaining that it feels like all we ever do is run.
Then we sat down and looked at our expenses and how insanely frivolous they were. Exhausted and with bags under our eyes with finally asked ourselves, "Why are we doing this?"
I set aside five pairs of shoes to either be thrown away or donated. I then set about tackling the mountain of clothes that I own. I pulled each shirt out of the closet one by one and made a pile of the shirts I wear and the shirts I don't wear. I'm surprised to discover how many shirts I found that I would have worn had I known they were there. I do the same with my sweatshirts.
When I finish rummaging through the closet I find that I have twenty t-shirts, five sweatshirts, and a pair of shorts ready to go out the door. Some are ratty, but a lot of them are still wearable. What's funny is my closet is still full.....and I haven't even gone through my ball caps yet.
Man, I've been out of control.
The scary part about spending money is, whether you have money or not, you get so used to going out and just buying whatever you want that you lose focus on what is a necessity and what is a splurge. It all becomes a necessity after a while.
In a previous blog I complained about how Mr. Ramsey gave me a guilt complex about purchasing anything for my self.....and that is very true. I agonize over every thing I buy......But, staring at the mountain of clothes before me, I have realized that as long as it's "on sale" or I have Karla's blessing' then I don't have as much of a problem spending money as I thought.
I stare, in some degree of disbelief, at the clothes I'm about to get rid of as proof of that.
The decision for me to give up my full time job was made with great trepidation on my part. I really, really, REALLY, didn't want to give up all that discretionary cash. I thought about all the big vacations that we would have to actually save for as opposed to spending on a whim. Likewise with all that beautiful ball gear that I had yet to purchase.
But then a thought occurred to me.....When was the last time you did something with your kids that wasn't sports related?
Another thought -- When was the last time you had a Saturday afternoon to go for a walk with your wife or sit down to a cup of coffee on the patio, as opposed to taking those few hours running around trying to get the house picked back up?
When was the last time you had a few hours to just kick back and relax because you wanted to, not because exhaustion forced you to?
I gaze at my now clean and rearranged closet and wonder how I could have been so blind.....How could the discussion of choosing between family and money be anything but a no brainer? Family always trumps money.
I leave my bedroom, grab a cup of coffee, and reflect. The money I gave up was money that I never needed in the first place.
A friend of mine once told me. "You know, Tom....I got a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food on the table, and a family that loves me......What more does a guy really need?"
I take a sip of my coffee and look around the house.; it's the cleanest it's been in months. The fridge and freezer are stocked full of food, no one in the house is wanting for material things, the bills are paid.
My friend is absolutely right. What more does a guy really need?
Life is good.
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