Social Atrophy

I haven't quite reached Rocketman stage yet......But I may someday.  :)


My communication skills, from a social interaction standpoint, have never been that strong.  It takes me a very long time to get comfortable around people who aren't my family or who I haven't grown up with.  So never in my wildest dreams did I think I would find myself occasionally sitting at home and craving a good conversation. Very odd, considering my best conversations are usually with myself.  :)

I only work for two hours at my part time job and, most of the time, my conversation with the tech's are little more than, "Hey, how's it going?" as they are hurrying to load their trucks in the last half hour of my shift.  I'm ok with that.

After work I head straight home, work out, and then get on to cleaning the house, writing my blog, or whatever other assorted duties I have planned out for that particular day.  Nowhere on my list is there a note that says "attempt to be sociable".

I am just not capable of going out of my way and starting up a conversation with people I don't know.....My brain just isn't wired for small talk. Even with people that I do know, if I don't talk to them on a regular basis, I find myself shying away from a possible conversation.

Makes you wonder how I got married, doesn't it?  Well, it went something like this; Karla and I are sitting in a restaurant when she asks, "So, do you want to get married?"

Cue Butt-head voice now:  "Um, Okay."

So there you have it.......By the way, that was probably the most romantic thing I've ever written. Nicholas Sparks doesn't have shit on me.



 When employed, I absolutely loathed company parties and did everything I could to avoid them.  There is no more uncomfortable place for me to be than at a dinner table or bar with people I don't really know.  I only speak when spoken to and, usually, my answers are no more than a few words in length.

I know exactly how I'm coming off to these people who are failing miserably in their attempts to get to know me -- stuck up prick.  And, don't get me wrong, I feel horrible about it.  But at that point and time all I can think about is getting the hell out of there.  I just want to hide in my hotel room or go home and get out of those horribly ill fitting dress clothes.  Get settled in to where I feel at ease.

At one of my jobs I never once went to any kind of work related social gatherings; even if it was just the department going out for a few beers after work.  I wanted no part of it.

I did manage to loosen up a little bit and go to a couple of luncheons at my most recent full time job.  But I went knowing it was only for a short period of time.....I could get through that.

As far as Karla goes, for years I got dragged to all of her company dinners.....and I mean dragged.  For about a month before the dreaded gathering I would start complaining that I didn't want to go.  Karla, a social butterfly of the highest degree, just couldn't fathom why I acted the way I did.  After all, there was an open bar and free food; what more could a person ask for?

Silence.....That's what a person could ask for.  A table for two, no speech from company big wigs, and most of all, no ----- absolutely NO -- having to talk with people that I don't know.

As soon as Karla walks in the door she's shaking hands and getting to know the people from other facilities that she only gets to talk with on the phone.  Almost instantaneously I feel isolated and lost amongst the crowd......Only a few more hours to go.

Now other social events aren't too bad.  Weddings are just fine because there is always someone there that I know....A few drinks in the system and I'm ok.

Concerts are okay because everyone is there to see the show, not mingle and hobnob.

Any sporting event is usually fine.  Most of the people there are talking about the game, not struggling to find a common ground with which to converse.

Well, unless your wife's co-worker has a suite at the stadium.  The one time I went to a game with suite passes I thought it was the coolest thing in the world --- until I realized that hardly anyone in the suite was even watching the game, let alone talking about it.  I grabbed a beer and found a seat outside the suite so I could actually WATCH the game.  For God sake, it was Chiefs vs. Raiders......How could anyone not watch that?  (They didn't suck back then, by the way.)

I am proud to say that, while still not great,  I've gotten a lot better about talking in public.  A friend of mine at my former place of employment talked me into putting in for a data assurance manager position.  Initially, I was scared shitless and wondered why in the world was I leaving the comforts of my warehouse position and crashing head long into the very thing I feared most......Communicating.

At the time I took the position I couldn't stand phones.  Whenever it rang at home I would never answer it for fear it would be someone I didn't know.  I practically begged Karla for caller ID, but she wouldn't bite......I'm not so sure she didn't make reference to me as being a part of a woman's anatomy...I don't know, maybe she did. I don't remember.

Then there was the part where I actually had to be responsible for the people on the work crews I set up, getting with case managers, supervisors, nurses and the off site personnel of the companies we would be working for.  That is a whole helluva lot of social interaction.

But, one year later, I settled in nicely and was proud of some of the fears that I conquered.  It seems silly to be giddy about being able to pick up a phone but, hey, at one point it was a real problem for me.  Now I can talk to anyone that calls me; no more letting the call go to voice mail where I may, or may not, respond in kind.

And, once again, while still not great, I can at least make attempts at striking up a conversation with people I'm not familiar with.  Taking my last full time job was, socially, the best thing that ever happened to me.

But, I still found myself experiencing a real sense of relief (mixed with sorrow about leaving) when I walked out the door for last time......I smiled at the thought, "I can finally go home and be a hermit."

Yet, not even two months later, I find myself wondering if I should make some effort to try to establish some social connections.  While a large part of me doesn't really care, a small part fears that I could possibly regress back into my old, almost standoffish, habits.

I have realized that I simply cannot let that happen.  For one thing, Karla has worked too hard to get me out of my shell.  If it wasn't for her I wouldn't have seen any of the places that we have traveled to. I would have never gotten on a plane voluntarily or made the effort to go on excursions.  I would have been more than happy to spend my vacations sitting at home with the door closed, drapes pulled, coffee pot on, and a book in my hands.

Yeah, I've come a long way.....I can't go back now.

So I guess I will need to figure out where to start.

I do talk occasionally with my neighbor, Marsha , when I go on my walks.  So that's a good thing.  My biggest problem is I don't want to commit to anything.....I really do like my life as it is......Quiet.

Texts are just as good as talking for me.....I get excited when I get a text.  It's like getting mail, just without the crappy bills.

Speaking of texts....Since I'm not socially quick on the draw, I think texting should be the way I deal with a heated discussion with someone.  I'm the kind of guy that has a witty retort two hours after the conversation has died.  So, the next time I get into an argument I'm going to say..."Stop.....This social format does not work for me.....I will have to text you."

Yeah.....if only.  No, I can't rely on texts.

Perhaps it will take a wizard and a pack of rowdy dwarves busting into my house and dragging me along on an adventure to get me going.

No....I'm going to have to do this myself.


I used to think book clubs were ignorant, didn't care about meeting at the old coffee shop for a bull session, and, due to the grind that is known as raising children, was only mildly interested in weekend fishing trips or Friday nights out with the boys.

Now they all seem like a viable option.

I just don't know right now.....I really, REALLY, like my schedule as it is......But part of me, deep down, knows that it's important for me to start being a little more outgoing.  I can't rely on sporting events as my main form of social interaction.

I'm sure I'll think of something........eventually.....