You clean like a man....

Every now and then I will ask Karla if the house passes inspection.  Karla immediately responds "The house looks great.  It's nice to come home from work and not have to worry about cooking and cleaning. My stress level is way down.  I love having you home."

Then she gives a sly grin and says, "But you clean like a man...."

What in the hell does that mean?

Knowing that asking Miss Workaholic what she meant by that would surely result in me performing some undesirable shit work, I blew it off......

But after hearing how I clean like a man a few more times I couldn't take it anymore.

"Ok, I need a list telling me exactly what you mean when you say that I clean like a man."

Karla kind of back tracked a little, "No.  I'll feel like I'm being ungrateful.  You really are doing a good job."

"No....I need to know."  The thought of my male cleaning skills being inferior and, I suppose, lacking a feminine touch, bothered me.

For a couple of days Karla put it off and let it be known that she really regretted ever jabbing me the way she did.  She meant it in good fun.....But I could sense a grain of truth in the jabs and just had to know what it was that makes me "Clean like a man."

So after some coaxing I finally got a list from her.  As she set it on the table she told me, "I really feel like a B, I appreciate what you're doing."

"It's fine, dear....I need to know.  You're not going to hurt my feelings, I promise."

"Ok."

So....Let's have a look here, shall we?

First and foremost one the list....

1.  You clean "around" things......

Ok...I will readily admit that I am the round-a-bout king.  But I do move stuff occasionally.....I just can't remember the last time I did.

So I went over to the kitchen counter and moved the four canisters back away from the wall.  Behind it I found some old rice and some smears of things that I didn't recognize....All covered by a thin coat of sugar.

Shit.....Ok.....So I'm going to have to pull everything away from the wall at least once a week.

I noticed, too, that the canister were a little sticky....Eww....Guess I be wiping that down more often too.

The other part of my round-a-bout habit has to deal with the furniture.  I never move the furniture when I sweep and mop.  I just get under it as far as I can and call it good.  I mean, it's not like we are ever going to move the furniture....

Well, I'm not anyway.  It seems like about every six months Karla has a tendency to go apeshit and just rearrange the entire house and when I come home I walk around as if I'd been drinking all day.  I'm running in to all sorts of shit, cussing and acquiring bruises all along the way.

"Why are you messing with my feng shui??????  I have lost all feeling of joy and harmony!!!!......AAAAAHHHH!!!!  Dammit, that's going to leave a mark....."



2.  Dusting.

What dusting?  I have to admit that I never even had it my list of things to do.  I don't know why, but every time Karla mentions dusting I immediately think of a French maid outfit and a large feather duster.

Yeah, my hairy legs would so make that work.........I really have no explanation for why I think the way I do.

Fine.....Dusting will be added to the list.  But not without some compromise.

There really isn't a whole lot of furniture to dust.  The problem is that it seems as if all tables and desks become a dumping ground for mail, backpacks, laptops, magazines....etc. etc. etc.

It's actually kind of aggravating getting the house in order only to see it cluttered within minutes of everyone coming home......That will have to change if any dusting is going to be done.



3.  Use a toothbrush for the hard to reach places.

I knew.....I just knew it.  There was no way I was going to get through a list written by Karla without running into some big pile of shit.......and it is big.

In my opinion, a toothbrush should be used for just what it's intended for --- good oral care.

But to Karla, a toothbrush is what puts the finishing touches on a properly cleaned house.  A toothbrush can be used on the bottom of all baseboards and in the corners of each room that a mop simply can't get into.

A toothbrush is a fine instrument for cleaning in between all of your tiles and a great way to scrub all the places on the tub surround that a wash cloth won't reach.

Yes, sir.  Nothing says you've done a fine days work quite like sore knees, back, neck, elbows, and a dirty toothbrush.....

For Pete's sake.....why did I have to know?

I have grown to hate the toothbrush. I hate it even more than scrubbing the toilet.....that's saying something....

  I have actually found myself thinking as I'm scrubbing the tub surround:  "If I used Karla's toothbrush and rinsed it off real good, would she know?"

Karla:  "Does the new toothpaste seem gritty to you?"

Me:  "I have no idea what your talking about......"

GRRRRRRR.........I knew better than to ask....I'm an idiot.  Never, never, NEVER, ask a workaholic how to do a job better......Dammit.

Still.....the tub does look better.....

I really miss cleaning like a man......