Hives.....

Noun

1.

hives - an itchy skin eruption characterized by weals with pale interiors and well-defined red margins; usually the result of an allergic response to insect bites or food or drugs

Thank you  ----  http://www.thefreedictionary.com/ ---- for the description....

As a somewhat health conscious (paranoid) individual I have always preached to Karla that you should voluntarily adopt a healthy lifestyle and not wait for a doctor to tell you that you have to.

I have continued to preach this as Karla would make what used to be her daily ritual of going to the gas station every morning for a big 20 oz. Diet Dr. Pepper and a pack of Nutty Bars.

I continued to preach this as I worked out four days a week and Karla, well, didn't.

I really started preaching when we recently hit our forties.....

And I really, really, started preaching when friends started coming down with medical conditions that I thought we wouldn't have to deal with for at least another ten or fifteen years.

But trying to get someone to adopt and appreciate a healthy lifestyle that doesn't really have an interest in doing so is kind of like trying to nail Jell-O to a wall.

Karla feels the same way about me when we talk about money.  I have no interest in reading her T. Rowe Price magazine and pouring over charts and projections.  I think I would almost rather run a rusty nail through my foot than talk about the power of compound interest and the value of a Roth IRA.

So, while frustrating, I do understand that a lifestyle choice really has to be something that you are passionate about.  Karla, to put it mildly, is not passionate about eating healthy and working out.

But I can't help but preach......because I worry.

Enter Mr. Food Allergy......My new (albeit really strange) best friend.

Last fall, Karla started breaking out into hives.  At first she thought that it was job/stress related and was confident that once everything settled down the hives would clear up and everything would be ok.

Things at work settled down ---- the hives, however, in all their itchy, red glory, didn't go away.

To watch your dog itch and writhe and grunt is bothersome......To watch your wife itch, writhe and grunt will drive you absolutely crazy.

"You know what, dear, I think I'll sleep on the couch tonight."

So once it was confirmed that occupational stress had nothing to do with Karla's hives the only thing left to do was to tackle her eating habits.  This pleased me greatly.....  (I only smiled behind her back)

I asked her if she was going to see a doctor.  Her response?  "No, he'll just tell me to eliminate all processed food and work them back in gradually....I got this."

Oh.....well, ok then.

Long story short; we have discovered that processed foods (duh), bread, and pasta are a no-no.

Sadly, that means no more Piasano's......I really love that place.  :(

Really super sadly...Pizza is the king of all no's......Dammit man.

Mexican food is okay as long as Karla eats corn and not flour tortillas.

She can eat a hamburger as long as she removes the bun. (Kind of pointless, I feel)

Still haven't quite figured out the Chinese food....That's been hit and miss.

Of course, the best option is to not eat out at all and, to be honest, when going out to eat starts to feel like dietary Russian roulette it's simply not worth it.

When Karla started revamping our menu at home the end result was a healthy dose of beans.....Lots and lots and (sigh) lots of beans.

Home made bean and cheese burritos.  Black bean soup. Chili (never thought I would get sick of chili). Red beans and rice. Beans, beans, beans, and more mother effing beans......

Why?  Hell, I have no idea.....Maybe it was on sale........

Please, for the love of Pete, no more beans for awhile.....When your teenage son says that he is tired of farting that should tell you that we need to lay off the freaking beans.

But, beans aside, Karla's new diet, coupled with a Zumba routine five day a week, has been paying out some nice dividends.  In less than two months Karla has lost weight and, most importantly, she has not had any issues with hives.

Now that everything seems to be back under control I find it amusing/somewhat aggravating that an itchy rash can make a bigger impression on Karla than anything I have been saying for years about adopting a healthy lifestyle could.

But, that's ok.....What important is that she's eating healthier.  Life is good.

Now if Toby could somehow break out into hives every time he misses the toilet....That would be awesome..  :)