The Incredible Cramp Man...

There comes a time in every man's life when he has to face up to the fact that he is not the man he used to be.

When you are playing softball and you blow a hamstring running from first to second --- you may not be the young  man you used to be...(I was safe by the way)

When girls no longer talk to you in a flirty, almost giddy tone and address you as "sir" -- you may not be the young man you used to be.  (I'm actually ok with this part.....Being socially challenged, I have no flirting skills and am much more comfortable around older, self assured women who see no need to flirt.)

If you drink two beers, pass out by 9:30, and are sluggish until about 2 PM the next afternoon --- you may not be the young man you used to be,

When you are more excited about your lawn mower than your car.......

But, despite all the obvious clues that perhaps it's time to slow down and adopt a tamer lifestyle, we men just keep desperately trying to hold onto our youth.....

Why?  Well, it's really no secret.....Because we're stupid.

My big man hang up has always been about being in good physical condition.  The thought of having a beer gut or a flat ass  just bothers the hell out of me.  I am very well aware that Father Time will eventually have his way with me; but that's not going to stop me from hanging on for as long as I can.  I just don't think suspenders are a good look for me....

 But every year it gets harder and harder to stay in shape; the injuries are more frequent and takes longer to heal.......I am not the young man I used to be.

This week was week one of my summer workout routine....and boy has it been a struggle.

I have never cramped up so much in my entire life.  I am drinking tons of water and eating right and it doesn't make any difference.

My first bad cramp came on back and shoulders day.  My left shoulder seized up in the middle of a set of lat pulldowns.  It was as if someone savagely twisted my arm; I screamed as the palm of my hand turned outwards and away from my body.  I managed to work the cramp out, but the rest of the workout was shot.  If I even moved my left arm just a little my shoulder would lock up again.  That was two days ago -- and my shoulder is still sore.

That was, I thought at the time, by far the worst cramp I had ever had....So I proceeded to call myself the Incredible Cramp Man.  I didn't ever want to experience anything like that ever again.  Little did I know what dirty little trick life had in store for me the next day.

The next day, while doing a tough ab workout, I was visited by the Incredible Cramp Man's faithful sidekick, the Screaming Roly Poly....

If you have never had an abdominal cramp, let me tell you, it's a real treat. Imagine someone grabbing your stomach, twisting into a tight ball, and then trying to rip it out of your body ......DEEEELIGHTFUL......

 This particular cramp was bad enough that I involuntarily curled up in a tight ball and screamed in agony as I desperately tried to uncurl myself. Roly Poly, roly poly, up up up......

My idiot dog was no help at all.  He just kept sniffing and snorting on me while I screamed. He could have marked me and I would have been helpless to prevent it.

Once again, I got the cramp worked out and, once again, the day's workout was shot.  The Incredible Cramp Man didn't have shit on the Screaming Roly Poly.

And it's not a real festival of cramps until you have had a visit from Captain Hamstring.  "He's working to hard.....let's bring him down."

"Aaaahhhhh!"

My favorite part about the hamstring cramp was that, when I tried to go to bed, it insisted on waking me up every fifteen minutes.  It got bad enough that Karla had to rub down both my legs with BioFreeze....(My new best friend,)

As I lay in bed, worn out but too afraid to fall asleep, I began to wonder if the cramps I was having are the kind of cramps women have to go through every single month.....Shit, no wonder they're crabby.  I lay in bed more appreciative of the ladies.....This sucks.

I wonder if there's any Midol in the house?......I could eat that shit like it's candy right about now.

To add insult to injury I had one final cramp that had nothing to do with a workout.  It was if my body was saying, "Go ahead, just try to work out again.....We can hit you anywhere, anytime we want."

Have you ever gotten a cramp while yawning?  Not only does it hurt like hell as the muscle under your jaw balls up, you look like a freaking idiot to everyone that can see you.

"What in the hell is that idiot doing?"

Have you ever tried to scream with your mouth wide open?  You kind of sound like a whale....EEEERRRRRGGHHH!!!!!!   OOOOooooowwwwuuhhhh!!!!!!

Which, of course,  makes you look even stupider than you did with just your mouth wide open..

So I slowly pull my head back, I'm looking skyward and trying to work the tight knot out from under my jaw.  I'm also stumbling back and forth so I look  and sound like a complete moron just dancing to the sound of his own voice.

"EEEEERRRRRGGGGHHH....."

Yes.....My first week of the new workout regimen has been an absolute hell.  I have never been more discouraged in my entire life.....

But I have the weekend off and next Monday is the start of a new week.....It certainly can't get any worse, can it?

I tell you what....If next week is bad as last week....Shit.......Hand me a beer and get me some suspenders.

Schools Out!!!! Hooray!!!

I was going to post a blog about the crappy birthday I had but changed my mind.

1.  Now that it's over and I've had time to look back on it, DMV withstanding, it wasn't that bad.

2. I really don't like to complain -- ok, I'm lying -- I love to complain.  But only in a way that makes light of a situation.

and 3. Do you really give a shit that I had a bad day?


Actually, the biggest reason for not writing about my ultra mega crappy birthday is that right now I'm simply too giddy and excited to moan and groan about it.

School is out......IT.....IS.....SUMMERTIME!!!!!!!!!

I haven't been this excited about summer since I myself was a kid.  "No more back pack, no more books, no more teacher's dirty looks!!!!"

My first full summer as a stay at home dad has me so amped up that I can't focus on anything.

On a personal note, I'm excited because I now have a chance to take my physical activity to a whole new level.  In the almost year since I walked away from the full time work force I have made good progress in regards to eating right and getting in shape.  I have slimmed down and, although I have fallen off the wagon a few times since ball season began, my diet has steadily improved.

A side note:  I haven't stepped on a scale since I left my job.  I have no idea what I weigh and don't really care to know.  I determine my shape by how my clothes fit and how I feel.  If my clothes fit and I feel good, then I must be doing something right.

In this long journey called life I have learned that beauty comes in all shapes in sizes and a chart/scale is nothing more than a loose guideline -- if even that.  Find what makes you comfortable, find what makes you happy, and enjoy your life.......(and ignore all those glossy pictures in the magazines you read....it's all photo shopped anyway)

Ok....Side note over.....

I have always wanted a six pack...I have always wanted to train my ass off and get in the best shape of my life....Not to show off, but just to say that I did it.......And now, as school gets out, I have the best opportunity that I am ever going to get to make that a reality.

The best part of this is that I will have the kids at home to push me.  Tera has done the 5K runs and will be there to keep me going.  I will definitely need her help --- I'm not really a fan of running distance.  But, as I said, this is my best opportunity ---- gotta do it.

I am no stranger around the gym and have a fairly good plan for my weight training.  But with Toby there to spot me and to give me new exercises to try that he will learn from summer conditioning, I'm confident that he will be just what I need to get me through those tough days when my motivation is waning.

I'm also quite certain that the kids will see this as a wonderful opportunity to turn the tables on their crusty old coach.

A list of "motivational" phrases that I'm fairly positive that I will hear out of my kids mouths:

1. Suck it up!!!!
2. Keep pushing, you're almost there.
3. NUT UP!!!!  (That would be Toby)
4. That was not good effort and attitude (That would be Tera)
5.  Great job!!! Just one more!!!!
6.  On the hop, or hustle up, or GET YOUR ASS MOVING!!!!!

It's now or never......I'm ready.......I have the right mindset.  If I succeed I will hold my head high and, if I fail, I can at least say that I gave it my best shot. (With a beer in one hand and a slice of pizza in the other...Ha ha!!)


As excited as I am about working out, I'm even more excited about all the family things I get to do with the kids.  At first I told Karla nothing "educational" ie - museums and workshops -- it's summer time dammit!!!!  But, after giving it some thought, I will take them to the library.  Toby, whom I will have to drag to the hall of books, needs to find something other than graphic novels (modern day comic books) and video game manuals to be obsessed about.  Tera, on the other hand, will have no problem with it as she reads constantly.

Both kids will do a lot of cooking this summer.  Toby loves to smoke and grill and he is already talking ribs, pork chops, and chicken.....Damn, my mouth just watered.

Tera and I will be going through all the cook books that my friends (Thank Laura and Stephanie!!) have sent me since they heard about my many cooking failures and Tera's "Hall of Butt"......By the end of summer my picky daughter and I will have made a list of meals that we both agree are edible....The Hall of Butt dies this summer!!!!!!

Most importantly, we are going to be OUTSIDE!!!!!  Fishing, swimming, gardening, hiking, biking (if I ever get my bike fixed) and whatever new activity we can think of....

I haven't talked to the kids about any projects yet that they may want to do but I know that I have two in mind for myself.  I going to build my own minnow trap and turn my garden into a worm sanctuary.

OH!!!! AND THE MATINEE!!!!!  I miss the matinee.  I'd go every week if Karla (the budget weenie  goddess) would let me.  I just love the matinee --- but I will have to be careful about the popcorn.  Extra butter and free refills --- I will eat myself sick........All self control goes out the window when you hand me a big tub of butter saturated popcorn.

Man, the possibilities are endless.  I......CAN'T......WAIT.

Oh, look....it's 3:15.  Time to pick up Tera for the last time this school year.....Let the party begin!!!!!

Why can't you relax????

This is how last weekend went.  Tera's tournament started on Friday night at 6; meaning we had to leave the house by 4:15 to get there for pre game warmups.  After the game we got home at around 8:15 and hit the sack early knowing we were in for a long weekend.  We got up on Saturday morning at 6 am and hit the ground running.  With Toby and Tera's tournaments in opposite directions it was divide and conquer day for Karla and I.  Karla would go with Toby and, if Tera's tournament was going well, she and Toby would join up with us that evening.

Well, Tera's day went well; really well.  We ended up going to the championship game ---- at 9:30 that evening.  By the time we had gotten home and in bed by midnight we had been on the run for 18 hours. (I even drove back home for a couple of hours to rest --- it didn't really help)

Luckily for us, Sunday was going to be a light day as Toby's team also did well.  A first round bye meant that we didn't have to leave for the ball park until noon.  I don't think any of us were up before 10 o'clock.

I am very proud to say that Toby's team also made the championship game and at 8:30 we were finally pulling into the drive.  Heck, we were only on the run for a measly 7 1/2 hours on Sunday.

Anyway, I mentioned all this so that I could set up the rest of the story.......

Karla ---- is a workaholic.  Unless the activity is well planned out in advance, she seriously has no idea how to relax.

On our way home from the ball park Karla said, "I am exhausted.  I can't wait to go home and relax."

So we get home and unload the car.  I plop down on the couch and begin to relish what has been a totally awesome weekend.

Karla --- Miss Exhausted --- throws in a load of laundry, loads the dishwasher, starts whipping something up for a late supper, and sits down to balance the check book......

"Um, what are you doing?" I ask.

"What do you mean?"

"You're doing my job." I said, "Just let it go and I'll take care of it tomorrow. We can eat leftovers tonight."

"That's okay....I live here to, you know."

"I thought you said you were tired and needed to relax?"

And, in all seriousness, Karla says, "I AM relaxing."

Really?  That's relaxing?  Perhaps you should look up "relax" in the dictionary. I don't think you understand the true definition of the word.

It's not that I have a problem with her helping out around the house; that's cool.  The problem I have is that I can't relax if she isn't relaxing.  I immediately begin to feel like a lazy toad; especially when she's doing the things around the house that I normally do. (This guilt complex will be the death of me)

It.....drives.....me......crazy.

But that is the way Karla has always been.  It's a family trait that simply defies logic.  She has an uncle who likes to mow his yard because it helps him "relax".....

The day Karla's dad retired I told her that I give him one day before he is at our house helping out on a project.  My prediction was wrong -- it was TWO days before he showed up.  And in a couple of hours we had pulled a stump out of the ground, loaded brush in the back of his pickup and worked on two downspouts.

I thanked him for his help and as he drove away a thought occurred to me.  What will Karla be like when she retires?  I unintentionally (and rather violently) shuddered  at the thought of it.  I'm quite serious when I say this; I fear that I will work more when she is retired than I ever will while she is gainfully employed.

I felt a sense of panic and had visions of my hands being worked down to the bone, my back aching perpetually, and a plethora of bumps and bruises from all those times that Karla will most assuredly accidentally hit me with something.

Two examples of household accidents:

Early into our marriage we were together in the kitchen.  Karla, not aware of her surroundings and always in a hurry, quickly turned around whilst holding a knife pointing outwards.  It managed to find it's way into my right pectoral muscle......Lovely.

We will just stay in the kitchen for the second example.  For some reason I was checking inside the bottom drawer of our old gas stove.  I don't remember if there was a pilot light down there or what.  In fact the only thing I do remember about the incident was that the door was spring loaded.  As I stuck my head inside the stove Karla let go of the door and got to see my head crushed inside the oven.....It is a memory that I will forever cherish.

I started to sweat a little as I began to realize that I may in fact not survive Karla's retirement.

"Coming up on the nightly news....A woman accidentally castrates her husband with a weed whacker.  We'll have all the details at six."

My God.....I need to get some hobbies before she retires.  Maybe that's why all those old men spend every waking moment fishing, or golfing, or at the bar......It's safer than being at home.

Before I get to my tournament free weekend let me give you some examples of the books Karla reads while she is "RELAXING".....

1. The 80/20 Principle.....The secret to success by achieving more with less  -- Richard Koch

2. Smart Money/Smart Kids -- Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze

3. Smart Women Finish Rich -- David Bach

Yeah...Can't you just feel yourself unwinding?

Karla will, on rare occasions, read a smut novel when she feels she needs a "mindless" activity.

Anyway, I found that amusing......On to this upcoming weekend.

It doesn't happen very often, but I actually thought ahead for a change. (Hooray for me!)  With two consecutive weekends without tournaments I have launched a preemptive strike and made my own honey do list.  I know I will have to work, but if I make the list myself there may be a chance that I don't get worked to death.  I may even find some time to go fishing.

Karla has a gift for turning one job into several.  She will start off by saying, "We should probably mow the lawn today."

"Ok, I'll get it done."

As I'm mowing the lawn I see Karla walk out, put her hands on her hips, and survey.

Oh.....Shit.....

A short nod and a smile and she proceeds to go off.  "After the lawn we should probably weed eat, we need to clear out the ditches, pick up all the brush, spray the poison ivy, stir the compost, water the garden, pull all the tables and the swing off the patio so we can sweep it and then do something about the downspouts.  Oh, by the way, I noticed that some of the bricks on the patio are terribly worn.  My uncle says that he has a whole pile of paving stones at his place that we can buy cheap.  He'll even haul it up for us.  We can level with sand and lay the paving stones on top of the old patio and bring the new patio up even with the door."

Hold on....she's not done yet.  "I saw the trim is starting to peel on the house, we should probably scrape all of that and repaint.  Did you see that fire pit that Dave made? We should do that too.  That would look really nice on the patio.......What's wrong?"

"What?" I say....

"Are you all right?  You look tired."

"I do have this sudden urge to take a nap.....I guess I will go inside and brew up a pot of coffee."

It's crazy.  Karla simply cannot spend a weekend at home doing nothing.  For as long as I have been married to her I have never once had a movie day with her or a roll out of bed at noon and walk around in your pajamas day.  No, to Karla the weekend is a complete disaster if she doesn't do something "productive".......a word that I have actually grown to hate.  Almost as much as the phrase, "How bad could it possibly be?"  Whenever Karla asks that question you can take it to the bank ---- this project is going to be an effed up mess.


But, as I said earlier, I have made my own honey do list; and I'm going to stick with it, dammit.  As soon as she starts to suggest some shit job that is not on my list I will run away like an excited dog who's owner had accidentally left the gate open.  She is going to have to catch me if she is going to make me do that job, dammit.....

I have completely given up trying to get Karla to relax.  I am now a firm believer that half of the old men in this country wearing hearing aids aren't truly deaf --- but it's the only good out we men have.  In fact, I may start practicing now.

"What?"

I'm sticking to my list dammit......I'm sticking to my list.......I will not get worked into the ground.....I will drink a beer......I will go fishing.....I will..................most likely end up working more than I wanted to......

Sigh.......When is our next tournament?

Yard Work....

The rain (and my self imposed blog deadline) have cut short today's lawn mowing.  I only managed to get about half of the yard done; which will eat at me until I finish it some time tomorrow morning.  I just hate leaving the yard unfinished; it's like getting only half a haircut.

Actually, I was mowing more weeds and dandelions than grass and I'm not so sure that I didn't see that start of a thistle here and there.

What I find amusing/concerning is that in previous years I didn't care about the appearance of the lawn.  Let nature have it's way, dammit, and I will get to it when I can.  (I even considered getting a couple of goats.  It would be a win/win situation.  The goats get to eat and I get out of mowing........But I'm fairly certain there is an ordinance in place that will prevent that.  Still, it's nice to dream.)

But now that I have time to actually work on my lawn I view it's less than well manicured appearance as a bit of an eyesore.

I must be getting old. I remember when I used to laugh at those old fellas that would water their lawn every day, set out lawn art, and wash their mowers as if they were washing a cadillac.  And now, here I am, standing at the door, coffee cup in hand, watching the rain, and devising plans to make my yard immaculate.

Holy crap......When did I trade my beer and fishing poles for a cup of coffee and a bag of grass seed?  I guess that means I'm only a few steps away from bran muffins and viagra, right? (Wow, that last sentence just planted a rather disturbing visual in my head........"Hold that thought honey, the metamucil just kicked in".......Ugh, God)

I remember when I was a kid my dad would just stand in the driveway and stare at the yard.  He would never say a word, just shake his head in utter disappointment and walk into the house.  You see, my Dad was the father of four boys who all had a knack for destroying everything they touched; and the yard was no exception.

Back in the days before Nintendo all the neighbor kids would get together do this thing called PLAY!!!!  We would all go OUTSIDE and spend hours on end playing games; only coming in to eat, go to the bathroom (optional for boys), or when it was just too dark to see.

My neighborhood had a ton of kids, and they all met at my house to play.  The front yard had bald spots where the pitchers mound and batter's box were.  Of course the bald spots just had to be in the front yard where everyone that drove by could see it.  The reason for our choice of location was that we found a tree root sticking out of the ground that made a perfect pitching rubber.  So not only was there a bald spot but a rut where we kicked out the dirt to get a better push off the root, er, pitching rubber.

Dad tried to get us to move to a different place a couple of times but soon gave up after we did what he asked and promptly shattered two of his garage windows.......Hey, it's not my fault no one could hit my fast ball......

One other thing that my brothers and I did that just drove dad up a wall was cut the heads off of dandelions.  Not the yellow, flowery ones mind you.  No we went after the poofy looking white ones with all the seeds.  We would grab a long, skinny stick and pretend that we were vicious warriors lopping the heads off of our inferior enemies.  To see all the seeds go flying every where after you had savagely separated the head from the stalk was most amusing.  Tim and I could go on all morning cutting the heads off of dandelions.

Then one day Dad came out and saw what we were doing.  Just two little kids in a yard of white, flailing at dandelions; their seeds flying everywhere.

"JESUS CHRIST, STOP THAT!!!!!!  YOU'RE RUINING MY YARD!!!!!"

Yard?  What yard?  I don't see any grass.  All I see are these dandelions.

Somehow, a lesson about cause and effect had gone flying high over our heads.  Dad was kind enough to explain the the situation to us.

"YOU'RE KNOCKING ALL THE SEEDS OFF AND SPREADING SHIT EVERY WHERE DAMMIT........STOP IT!!!"

Oh......well.....okay then.

I shall have to remember to share this story with my kids.  I do not want to suffer the same, sad fate as my poor dad.



The one thing I won't be is that curmudgeon that chases people out of his yard.  I just think that's silly.  But I can totally see Toby being that way when he's old.  I don't know how many times I've seen him look out the window and say, "Who is that?  Why are they walking through our yard?"

The annual town festival, which takes place just downhill at the end of the block, drives Toby particularly nutty.

"Why are they walking through our driveway?  Can't they use the alley or the sidewalk?"

Holy moly....relax, son.....It's not that big a deal.

I can just see it now.  It the future, when Toby has his own home, he will spend his weekends camped out in the front yard like the Black Knight guarding the bridge in Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail.

"None shall pass....."

There were two such black knights in the neighborhood I grew up in.  The little old lady across the street from where I lived claimed she had a twelve gauge filled with rock salt and she would shoot any dog stupid enough to wander into her yard.

Honestly, she was so skinny and frail that none of us took her seriously.  Then one day she planted a round into the ass of one of the neighbors dog and killed it.  That got everyone's (at least all the kids) attention.

I'm sure she wouldn't have shot another human being.....But no kids in the neighborhood were willing to test that theory.

The other black knight had a small yard that was the neighborhoods Bermuda Triangle.  At least with the other lady, she would let us go get our ball if it landed in the yard.  She really was nice.  No, really.  I honestly think she just didn't want any dogs pooping in her yard. (Leash law?  What's that?)

But this old couple, to a kid, were about as mean and scary as they come.  My first encounter with them was when one of our baseballs landed in their yard.  The girl who lived next door warned me about them, but I didn't want to lose my baseball.

I crept to the edge of the black knights yard and tried to peer through their windows.  When I didn't see any one I ran for the ball.  But right before I reached down to get the ball I heard, "Git out!"

I felt a shiver as I turned and looked at the old woman standing behind the screen door. The corners of her mouth were turned down, creating a fearsome grimace. Her glasses were unable to hide a set of eyes that were hard and cold. Through the screen her pale skin gave her an almost ghost like quality.  If someone were tell me that I was staring at an apparition I would have believed them.

"You go on, now." she said.

"Can I....."

"NO.....You git out of this yard or I'll get the pellet gun and put a hole through your hide."

Not another word was said as I hauled ass out of there.  I NEVER went back into that yard again.

I wonder what happened to my baseball?  Probably sitting in a corner with everything else that had the misfortune of landing in that yard.......Man, what a witch.....


But, like I said, that's just silly.  A yard is meant to be admired and enjoyed, dammit.....

Next year......Next year.....

By that time I should have all my plans and finances in order.  It's going to be a great yard. Oh, but with one notable exception......Absolutely no Gnomes.....I can't stand those things.

Yup....Next year.....

Ready for Summer...

Happy May Day!!!!

It's all under control....

It's been a long time since I have looked at a summer calendar and not been filled with a slight sense of dread and fatigue.

The number of days on the calendar that Karla and I have to divide and conquer has been cut down dramatically.  I'm home not just to clean and shop but to shuttle the chuckleheads to all of their summer activities; which saves Karla from eating up her vacation.

These upcoming months -- May, June, July, and part of August --- were the deciding factor as to why I bowed out of the full time work force.  Both Karla and I feel as if we finally have a handle on things.....and it feels AWESOME!!!!

So awesome that I actually feel like I have time to take on some other projects.

Perhaps a slight sense of euphoria has warped my brain, but I can't wait to get started on outdoor projects.  The trim on the house needs painted and the shed that for years has desperately needed a thorough cleaning is about to get tackled here in the next couple of weeks.



One other project on my list is my garden.  Maybe it's too early or perhaps I used enough newspaper in between plants but, at this point, I haven't had to pull any weeds......This pleases me greatly.

Even more pleasing is how Tera has kind of taken over the gardening responsibilities.  She waters every night and will most likely take care of the weeds if and when they finally come along.

And since she is being so good about working on the garden I will let it slide that she has not been sharing any of our strawberries.  Every day after school she comes home and goes straight to the strawberries, picks the ripe ones, and eats them on the spot.  I don't think anyone else in our family has gotten a strawberry yet.

Oh well.....Good for her.



This summer......I won't have to pay anyone to mow my lawn.....WOO HOO!!!!

Life is good.....Life is REAL good..... :)


Toby's Summer...

Now I'm not going to go into great detail about each of my kids' summers....Just highlights.

Toby's summer is going to be a little bit different this year because he has gotten his first job!!!!  I'm excited that Toby had the gumption to go out and inquire about mowing a few lawns for someone we know.  (Thanks Roy and Marsha!!!)

I'm tickled about Toby working because it is going to teach him a lot in regards to responsibility and taking pride in your work.  But I also feel that he is going to appreciate his money a lot more now that he is actually earning it as opposed doing piddly chores around the house for his allowance commission.

Not that I'm really worried.  Toby is just like Karla when it comes to money.  As soon as he got his job he told me that forty percent would go into his savings account, forty percent into checking, and the last twenty he would pull out cash for spending money.

The jury is still out but, by God, I think momma and I may be raising him right.


Another part about this summer that will be different for Toby is this:

Yeah, she's a little worn on the outside, but it's a '95 Honda with only 125K miles on it.....and we got it for $500 dollars......A steal as far as I'm concerned.  There are cars, and then there are Honda's.  Honda's just flat out run.  I have yet to meet anyone has had anything bad to say about them.

Initially I was a little worried about how Toby would react to seeing it.  Adolescent's are so image conscious that I feared he might be embarrassed to drive it.

But, once again, he is just like Karla.  One look at it and he said, "Hey, for five hundred bucks that's pretty awesome.  I bet I can put a good stereo system in it."

Yup....I think we may be raising him right.

The only drawback to the car is that it is a manual transmission.  Toby is getting better at driving the stick and by the end of summer he should have no problems at all......The first couple of times out though.....

VROOOOMMMMM.......squuuueeeeaaalllll.....JERK....JERK.....JERK......JERK......

As I sat in the passenger side getting the hell beat out of me I began to wonder when my next chiropractor appointment was.

"DAD!"  JERK.....JERK....JERK......"WHY IS THIS DOING THIS?!"

"Holy shit, son, what gear do you have it in?"

"It's in first."

"Bullshit......Stop and check."

eeerrrrr.......

"Oh, yeah.  My bad, it's in third."

Vroom..Squeak......Hmmmmmm.

"Wow.....That's much better."

"God, my neck is killing me."


Tera's Summer....

Aside from softball (which she loves) and the mandatory swim lessons (which she detests) Tera is going to start taking guitar lessons.  We are in the process of finding her a 3/4 size guitar and Tera can't wait to get her hands on it.

It's odd......I haven't listened to heavy metal consistently since Toby was born.  Back in the day I was big into Metallica, Megadeth, Ozzy, Tool......Good stuff, good stuff.

But Toby never acquired a taste for it.  He is into rap and hip hop and I have long since mellowed. Nowadays I listen to more country, folk and classical music.  I've also developed a fondness for soundtracks.

Then one day I heard the heavy riffs of a rhythm guitar coming out of the ear phones of my nine year old daughter.  Puzzled, I motioned for Tera to take off her head phones.

"What are you listening to pumpkin?"

"Three Days Grace...."

"Really?"

"Uh, yeah...."

I later found out that Tera also liked Evanescence and Linkin Park.  Excited, I began to pick out groups to see what she thought of them.

Metallica --- awesome!!!!
Megadeth -- I like it.
Red Hot Chili Peppers --- no......(Oh well, can't win 'em all)

I then introduced her to the local rock radio station where she heard Five Finger Death Punch's version of House of the Rising Sun.  Now every time we get into the car she asks to listen to 98.9.

I find it incredibly strange that my little girl, who still watches My Little Pony, totally digs the heavy bass, thundering drums, and crunching guitars of the rock genre.  When I asked if she wanted to learn how to play the guitar she jumped all over it.

Giddy.....Just, giddy.

Toby, on the other hand, can't stand it.

"She seriously likes this stuff?"

I did make the mistake of looking up more Five Finger Death Punch on youtube.  My choice of song started out as a profanity laced tirade within the first five words.  Toby's eyes popped as he sprang to the computer and muted it.

"Oh my God." he said.

Well aren't we sensitive?

At that moment in time Toby was more of a concerned parent then I was.  I was making my way over to the computer, but I wasn't about to hurdle over furniture to get there.

But my accidental bad parenting moment wasn't near as bad, or as funny, as Karla's.

Tera was singing Shaving Cream one day.  I'm not sure what the genre is called but it's basically musical comedy.

Karla thought it would be neat to create a Dr. Demento radio station on Pandora for Tera.  What Karla forgot to consider is 1)  This type of music can get a little racy....and 2) Pandora does not filter it's music (maybe I have that option somewhere but I never bothered to look)

At first all was going well.......Then the song Enormous Penis began to play.

Suddenly a man was singing about how viewing his large member made all of his troubles go away.

"I take look at my enormous penis.....and all my troubles start melting away......."

Karla looked as if she was shot out of a cannon as she bolted for the computer.

Tera was rolling on the floor.

"Hahahahahahahahaha..........What did he say?  Hahahahahaha....."

"Tera, let's change stations, ok?"

"Hahahahahaha.......That is so funny."


Sigh......We try to be good parents.....No, seriously....



Anyway....Now that we are more conscious about music filtering,  it should be a good summer.

Life is good.....Life is REALLY good.....  :)