My first gardening experience

In my zeal to attain a healthier diet I cleaned out an old flower bed in the hopes of turning it into a small fall garden.  This was also going to be my first father/daughter project; my continuing effort to get Tera out of the house more.

Before:

And:.....................I don't have an after picture because, um, I'm not finished yet.

The project started off great.  Well, aside from the branches of thorns that I didn't know about.  Nothing can get a high pitched, girly scream out of you like four or five undetected thorns digging into your hand.  I did the stupid man dance all across the yard.  If any of the neighbors happened to see my flailing moron imitation, I'm quite certain they were amused. But, I digress.

  Tera and I cut back low, over hanging branches from a nearby tree.  We cleaned out all of the weeds, discovered a freaking huge anthill, and hoed the ground up a little.  It was a wonderful afternoon that I got to spend with my daughter.

Since then, however, Tera and I have been taking oatmeal baths to alleviate the insanely aggravating itching we've been going through due to chigger bites and that patch of poison ivy that I overlooked:

Toby, the former boy scout, would have noticed the poison ivy right away.  He would have pointed and said, "Leaves of three, let it be."  Then, pleased that he had saved his family members from suffering a terrible fate,  he would have proceeded to go back into the house and play on his XBox.

But, most unfortunately for Tera and I, Toby was not there.

Tera got poison ivy all up and down both arms, her face, and her neck.  I got it on my neck, arms, and chest.

I firmly believe that chigger bites and poison ivy are by far the worst combination of itchy nastiness that a human being could possibly have.  Considering how incredibly rotten I feel, I find myself thinking how lucky I am that I didn't get either chiggers bites or poison ivy below my waistline.  That would have been, beyond a shadow of a doubt,  an immediate trip to the doctor and - Karla can vouch for me - I have to be feeling really bad to go to the Dr.

The oatmeal baths aren't all they are cracked up to be.  It does offer some relief, but not nearly enough.  I have found that if I chase my oatmeal bath with a Benadryl it helps to take the edge off.  Although still not nearly as well as I would like. (Karla's Note:  That's not all he wanted to chase the oatmeal bath with!)

One thing an oatmeal bath does do is give you time to lie back and reflect.  I let out a laughing snort as I think about all those home improvement commercials I've seen with the immaculately manicured lawn, the perfectly built raised garden, and all the beautiful, vivacious plants. Then you look at that smiling chowder head, not a hair out of place, no sweat running down his forehead, and no dirt under his fingernails, as he peers into the camera, trying to convince you that their lovely little store is the place for all your gardening needs......Yeah, got anything for poison ivy? You prick....

One other, unrelated thought, had just occurred me as I lay in the tub.  I totally forgot to put out the trash ---- for the last two weeks.  Next Thursday's trash day should smell really nice. (If I remember)

All in all, it's just a minor setback.  I do need to take some roundup to the poison ivy before I can plant.  It wasn't but a few days after Tera and I cleaned out the flower beds that that nasty, three leafed, bastard reappeared.  It would give me great pleasure to stand at a safe distance and hit that patch of itchy crap with a molotov cocktail.  But, I'm fairly certain Karla won't go for it.

So, when am I going to finish planting my garden, you ask?  Hopefully this weekend, but I'm not sure........I'm really in no hurry to acquire more bug bites and rashes at this point.