I thought about writing a book about the small town I grew up in, but decided against it. I, quite simply, have no desire to do the legwork required to get a book published and it would be a cruel punishment indeed to put some poor editor through the grammatical and punctuation hell that I am sure that anything I write would put him/her through.
So I have decided to add my "Tales from the Valley" to this blog. These short stories will be written to the best of my memory, however faulty it may be. I assure you that absolutely no research will go into these tales and I will make no effort to vouch for it's accuracy.......Enjoy.
My grandparents have been gone for a good many years now, but I still think about them often; especially during the holidays. Being Thanksgiving, I'm thinking about my grandma; and I'm thinking about all that wonderful food that she used to cook.
Thanksgiving, as defined by George Washington (thanks wikipedia) is: "a day of public thanksgiving and prayer to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favours of Almighty God."
Gluttony, as defined by Merriam-Webster's online dictionary, is: "The act or habit of eating or drinking too much.
So I've always found it odd that we give Thanks while simultaneously, and unabashedly, reveling in one of the seven deadly sins.....Oh well, pass me the mashed potatoes.
Walt and Dorothy lived on a corner lot, on a quiet street, in a very quiet little town. One could sit on a rocking chair out on the front porch of their modest two story home and rock quietly, feeling the gentle summer breeze upon your face and hearing or seeing very little of anything in the way of traffic, people, or animals. If you ever needed a quiet place to think or to read a book, Walt and Dorothy's front porch would be the place to go.
But there were those few occasions when Walt and Dorothy's house would come alive with activity. On Thanksgiving day, Grandma and Granddad's five children would come to the house, bringing with them their spouses and children, to partake in a grand feast.
Oh, my mouth waters just thinking about it. I can still see Grandma working her magic in the kitchen as I stepped through the door of a house already packed with family.
In regards to beefy midwestern fare there was, in my opinion, no finer cook than Grandma. Of course that could be perhaps due to the fact that I did not eat it all the time. Having a Filipino mother, I grew up on a steady diet of rice, vegetables, and a variety of odd meats. Well, odd to anyone else who lived in town. But to me pig's feet, tripe, cow tongue, whole dried fish (little fish, about as long as your pinky, head attached), chicken heart, squid (really stinks up the house) and spam were all just a part of the normal routine.
Well, unless you took after Dad. There were a lot of times I remember dad skipping out on a meal and eating bologna sandwiches or boiling up hot dogs. I wish I could have done that every time mom boiled okra......Blech. But, aside from the okra, I was quite happy with my meals.
So it wasn't often that I got to eat Grandma's cooking.....But, man, when I did there was no holding back. There were a few times when Mom went back home to the Philippines to visit family and my brothers and I would spend time at the grandparents'. In those few short weeks, my brothers and I would vacuum down everything grandma had to offer; her beef and noodles, made from scratch, were my absolute favorite.
But it wasn't just Grandma who filled our bellies. I remember Granddad used to wake us all up, turn the tv on, and let us watch Underdog and Mighty Mouse cartoons while he made breakfast. Pancakes, sausage, eggs, toast, orange juice, milk -- the little Filipino boys waddled to school every morning while mom was away. We simply weren't accustomed to eating food that was so heavy.
It was during these breakfasts that I saw Granddad do a couple of things for the first time that I found rather odd. It was only when I got older that I understood these strange habits of his.
The first thing he did was take a piece of bread and swab all of the grease out of the pan and wolf it down. I thought it was gross, but years later I would learn about Granddad growing up during the Great Depression, about not wasting anything that could be used or consumed.
The second thing he did that I found odd was he would brew a hot pot of coffee, pour a cup, and then throw an ice cube in it. What was the point in that?
Well, I found out years later that Granddad was in World War II. He served in the Pacific theatre of operations and while there never got to enjoy a hot cup of joe. By the time the war was over he had acquired a taste for cold coffee, a habit that he never really gave up.
Fond memories. It's crazy, every time I think about that house I think of food. Food leads to Thanksgiving, and when I think of Thanksgiving I can almost smell it, nearly taste it, almost feel the warmth of the house from all the heat created by the stove in that little kitchen.
And what an awesome spread it was. Of course there was the turkey, but Grandma always cooked a giant ham, too, for those people like me who are not big turkey eaters. Then there was all the side dishes. Mashed potatoes that Grandma went through the trouble of peeling, mashing, whipping, filling with all that wonderful butter and salt......Hold on, I need to get a glass of milk.
Okay, I'm back. Then there was the corn, green beans, deviled eggs that tasted so good but made you smell so bad for the next week. There was the stuffing and gravy and lots and lots of dinner rolls.
The only thing that Grandma made that I couldn't stomach were beets. I have no idea how Grandma made those nasty purple bastards and I don't want to know. To me, beets are proof that people in the days of yore were starving and couldn't be picky. I'm almost willing to bet some Native American with a warped sense of humor dug up a basket of these nasty boogers and then laughed as he told his friends, "Let's see if we can get these pilgrims to eat this crap."
Until I brought Karla to her first Thanksgiving on my side of the family, I had no idea that we were a bunch of barbarians. :)
Karla is organized in everything she does; there is a place and a purpose for everything, and eating is no exception.
When Karla brought her plate to the table and sat down, she did a quick glance around the room and was slightly flabbergasted at what she saw.
You see, Karla's food was neatly separated in clear, well defined borders, Her turkey was neatly stacked in a small corner of her plate, same with her corn and green beans, and dinner roll. At the center of her mashed potatoes was a well dug out crater for her small lake of gravy. The gravy did not come near the edge of her crater; Heaven's no...... for it would be an atrocious and unforgivable dining foul should the gravy over flow and touch another food.....I mean, my goodness.
I don't know if my uncle said anything to her, but I could see the look on his face and could only guess what he was thinking......"Well, ain't that cute."
I did my plate up the way I had always known to do it. First you lay your ham down in the center of the plate, throw the mashed potatoes and a pad of butter on top of it. You then pile on the corn, green beans, and stuffing and top it all off with a big ladle full of gravy. There you have it, a well layered masterpiece!!!!
My Uncle Dio (Dale, I have no idea where the nickname Dio came from) went a step further and placed his dessert on top of his Thanksgiving mountain and then proceeded to stir it all together. His logic was that it was all going to the same place anyway....He was a true eating master. (I think it still gives Karla nightmares)
Karla, to this day, still shakes her head whenever she talks about my family's dining habits. She may never get over it, but she has accepted it. Which is good, because this barbarian isn't about to change.
"Conan, what is best in life?"
"To crush you enemy, see them flee before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women."
RRAAAHHRR!!!!
"Oh, and to pile my food together, high upon my plate."
RRAAAHHRRR!!!!
It almost never fails with me. I eat way too much and completely forget about dessert.
"Shit, I can't"......I feel like a blood filled tick and I'm almost certain that if anyone were to poke my belly I would explode.
But then the desserts come out....Pumpkin pie, cherry cheesecake.....Oh.....my......goodness.
I groan as I rise out of my chair, "Okay, just one piece of each pie and I'm done...I swear."
After dinner, I honestly don't know what happens because by that point I am well into my mashed potato coma. I struggle to watch the football game on the television through half closed eyes.
I really miss watching Barry Sanders play on Thanksgiving day although, now that I think of it, I really don't know why. The man was amazing, the human pinball dodging, bobbing, weaving, shaking, baking, and breaking ankles. But for every highlight film play he made, I simply didn't have the energy to cheer. All I could manage was, "Uh, Barry." ZZZZZ.
That was several years ago; an eternity, it seems......and Thanksgiving just hasn't been the same without Grandma and Granddad. In fact, the family doesn't even get together since they have both passed. But that's the way of things, it's normal, nothing to be sad about.
It's just like every family in life; Grandma and Granddad's kids now have kids and grandkids of their own, they have their own big family get togethers. They are the grandparents now and it's their houses that someday will be talked about when their little grandkids get older.
I just hope that their memories of their grandparents are as fond as my memories are of mine.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.......Peace, and God Bless.....
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Field Trip....
I held out as long as I could.
I knew that, eventually, I would have to go on a field trip with my daughter and her classmates. But that didn't stop me from trying to get out of them. It was just another social event that I really wanted to avoid.
But after Karla took time off of work to do some body works display at the elementary school (I think she played the part of the intestinal tract....Confirming my belief that she's full of shit.... :).....) I knew there was no way I was getting out of going to the Natural History Museum with Tera and the rest of her third grade class mates.
I guess if I had to choose a fictional character that would best describe me socially, it would be a hobbit.
"Bother burgling socializing and everything to do with it! I wish I was at home in my nice hole by the fire, with the kettle just beginning to sing!" It was not the last time that he wished that!"
A hobbit "never had any adventures or did anything unexpected"
I don't know why I can't get a grasp on small talk, but I have always struggled with it.... In all social outings I am very rarely the one to initiate conversation.
Well, unless I'm at the baseball/softball diamonds; as long as we are talking about the game I can ramble all day.
I will say this though; at least now when someone initiates a conversation with me I can now respond in more than short mono syllabic words. As opposed to letting the conversation die like I used to, I really try to keep it going, no matter how awkward or difficult I find it. I am proud to say that I feel that I am no longer seen by strangers as a stuck up prick, just a bit of an odd fellow......Hell, I'll take that.
But, now that the field trip is history, I have to admit that I was pleasantly surprised; that I really had nothing to worry about.
For starters, I didn't have to ride the bus to the museum; I just met Tera and her class mates there after I got off work. That was awesome. As I was standing inside the museum and watching everyone step out of the bus I was fairly certain that I saw a few parents already looking a little frazzled. Perhaps all the noise produce by the short and hyperactive people on the bus ruptured a few adult ear drums.
The very moment the doors opened and let the little people in; the tranquility and peacefulness of the museum was unceremoniously destroyed with all the subtlety of a blunt object crashing down on an unsuspecting cranium. Squeals and shrill laughter boomed and reverberated off of the walls. A museum, I discovered, can take a small child's voice and amplify it to such point that you can almost feel the bones inside your body rattle with every giggle and yell........I began to wish it were legal to carry a flask of whiskey with me.
Then, materializing out of nowhere, Tera's teacher came up to me and said, "Your group is....."
My heart almost stopped when I heard those three words....Oh, Lord, what fresh new Hell has life brought me today? It never occurred to me that when I volunteered to go on the field trip that I would actually be RESPONSIBLE for something. What was I thinking? I'm fairly certain that I broke out in a small sweat.
But then Tera's teacher said, "Your group is Tera and Sierra."
Oh.....That's it? Okay, I can handle that.
Even better, Tera and her little friend were given a checklist of things to find in the museum. I breathed a sigh of great relief when I realized that I would not have to entertain anyone. I just followed them around the museum and helped them look for things on their list --- and, turns out, it was really fun!!!!
Of course, it helps when the adult is at about the same level of maturity as the kids he is supervising.. :)
Tera: "It says on here that scat is another word for poop."
Sierra: "Hooray!!!! Let's look for poop!!!!"
Tera: "We found the poop!!!"
Me: "Touch the poop."
Tera and Sierra: "No way, you touch the poop."
Me: "Fine, I'll touch the poop."
Sierra: "Hey, how many different bears have we seen?"
Me: "I don't know, a lot?"
Sierra: "Three?"
Me: "Oh yeah....I'm sure."
Sierra: "Good enough, I marking them off."
When we broke for lunch I got to show off my peanut butter and Miracle Whip sandwich to the girls.....Of course, they concurred that it was "GROSS!!!"
I acquired a taste for this odd sandwich when I was just a little guy....My uncle was making them for work and when my dad said that it looked disgusting (an odd statement coming from the mayonnaise king himself) my uncle responded, "Actually, they are quite edible....Here, Tommy, try it."
I did, and the rest is history. It's even better with a banana in it....But, I digress....
After lunch we went to the art museum where we were immediately given ground rules about not touching anything or leaning on walls, perhaps breathing....I'm not sure, I kind of spaced out.
One parent just looked at his wife and said...."Maybe I'll just levitate."
But the reason for the speech became apparent once we exited the elevator and entered the fourth floor. Almost immediately all the air was sucked out of the room and into the asses of some very, VERY concerned parents.
In the room were several statues and vases ---- all looking very delicate and vulnerable.
"This could be potentially expensive," I said to myself,
A security guard over heard me and snickered, and then began to follow us around the gallery.
"I don't think the school has the kind of insurance they need to cover this." a parent whispered.....and I wholeheartedly agreed with a quick, tight necked nod. The aisles could have been ten foot wide and it still would not have been good enough for the parents supervising this bunch of high energy third graders.
But, as it would turn out, nudity came to the rescue.....None of the kids wanted to get close to the scantily clad statues. They just stood there and pointed with one hand covering their mouths...."Look, that's disgusting."
"These artists sure like to make naked people.......I find that very odd." said a student as he diverted his eyes away from the naked statue.
Of course, you couldn't escape the nakedness without one giggling minion pointing and saying, "Butt."
The only real danger of breakage came right at the end of the tour. There was one piece of art that the kids were allowed to touch. Unfortunately, it was sitting right next to a work of art that the kids were most definitely not allowed to touch.
We tried to keep them in a single file line, but that's like trying to herd cats. My hat goes off to teachers and day care providers.....I bet they have a fairly nice sized liquor cabinet at their respective houses.
It was crazy, I tried to stand next to the very breakable looking piece of art and shoo away any kid that got near it. I would no sooner tell one kid to get back and another kid would immediately fill the void that I just created. I did this over and over and, eventually, one kid shot through the gap and got within inches of the art piece. He was getting ready to touch it when our tag-a-long security guard boomed in an authoritative voice. "I need you to step away from that."
Yes, ma'am.
The day ended with the kids making their own kaleidoscopes. While watching them a parent came up to me and started talking......It took awhile for the conversation to gain traction, but I'm proud to say that I think I did alright.
I guess now would be a good time to make a confession. It's basketball season now and everyone wants to talk about the Jayhawks. Part of the reason that I struggle with conversing with people, particularly in this area during this time of year is....I....um....don't watch basketball.
There! I said it......Man, that felt good to get that off my chest.
Hmm....What do ya know....I didn't get struck by lightning for uttering such blasphemy, as a lot of rabid Jayhawk faithful would see it.
I just can't bring myself to admit to people that I don't participate in watching a sport that is loved and adored by so many in this area with such fanaticism that you would swear that all life and death hangs in the balance with every game the Jayhawks play. If basketball had it's own pilgrimage to Mecca, that Mecca would be Lawrence, Kansas.
I'm just not prepared for the odd looks that I am sure to get when I admit to someone I couldn't give two shits about basketball.
But, anyway....I'm getting off track here.
All in all, I had a good time at the field trip and I think I can go on another one.........As long as I don't have to get on the bus.
I knew that, eventually, I would have to go on a field trip with my daughter and her classmates. But that didn't stop me from trying to get out of them. It was just another social event that I really wanted to avoid.
But after Karla took time off of work to do some body works display at the elementary school (I think she played the part of the intestinal tract....Confirming my belief that she's full of shit.... :).....) I knew there was no way I was getting out of going to the Natural History Museum with Tera and the rest of her third grade class mates.
I guess if I had to choose a fictional character that would best describe me socially, it would be a hobbit.
"Bother
A hobbit "never had any adventures or did anything unexpected"
I don't know why I can't get a grasp on small talk, but I have always struggled with it.... In all social outings I am very rarely the one to initiate conversation.
Well, unless I'm at the baseball/softball diamonds; as long as we are talking about the game I can ramble all day.
I will say this though; at least now when someone initiates a conversation with me I can now respond in more than short mono syllabic words. As opposed to letting the conversation die like I used to, I really try to keep it going, no matter how awkward or difficult I find it. I am proud to say that I feel that I am no longer seen by strangers as a stuck up prick, just a bit of an odd fellow......Hell, I'll take that.
But, now that the field trip is history, I have to admit that I was pleasantly surprised; that I really had nothing to worry about.
For starters, I didn't have to ride the bus to the museum; I just met Tera and her class mates there after I got off work. That was awesome. As I was standing inside the museum and watching everyone step out of the bus I was fairly certain that I saw a few parents already looking a little frazzled. Perhaps all the noise produce by the short and hyperactive people on the bus ruptured a few adult ear drums.
The very moment the doors opened and let the little people in; the tranquility and peacefulness of the museum was unceremoniously destroyed with all the subtlety of a blunt object crashing down on an unsuspecting cranium. Squeals and shrill laughter boomed and reverberated off of the walls. A museum, I discovered, can take a small child's voice and amplify it to such point that you can almost feel the bones inside your body rattle with every giggle and yell........I began to wish it were legal to carry a flask of whiskey with me.
Then, materializing out of nowhere, Tera's teacher came up to me and said, "Your group is....."
My heart almost stopped when I heard those three words....Oh, Lord, what fresh new Hell has life brought me today? It never occurred to me that when I volunteered to go on the field trip that I would actually be RESPONSIBLE for something. What was I thinking? I'm fairly certain that I broke out in a small sweat.
But then Tera's teacher said, "Your group is Tera and Sierra."
Oh.....That's it? Okay, I can handle that.
Even better, Tera and her little friend were given a checklist of things to find in the museum. I breathed a sigh of great relief when I realized that I would not have to entertain anyone. I just followed them around the museum and helped them look for things on their list --- and, turns out, it was really fun!!!!
Of course, it helps when the adult is at about the same level of maturity as the kids he is supervising.. :)
Tera: "It says on here that scat is another word for poop."
Sierra: "Hooray!!!! Let's look for poop!!!!"
Tera: "We found the poop!!!"
Me: "Touch the poop."
Tera and Sierra: "No way, you touch the poop."
Me: "Fine, I'll touch the poop."
Sierra: "Hey, how many different bears have we seen?"
Me: "I don't know, a lot?"
Sierra: "Three?"
Me: "Oh yeah....I'm sure."
Sierra: "Good enough, I marking them off."
When we broke for lunch I got to show off my peanut butter and Miracle Whip sandwich to the girls.....Of course, they concurred that it was "GROSS!!!"
I acquired a taste for this odd sandwich when I was just a little guy....My uncle was making them for work and when my dad said that it looked disgusting (an odd statement coming from the mayonnaise king himself) my uncle responded, "Actually, they are quite edible....Here, Tommy, try it."
I did, and the rest is history. It's even better with a banana in it....But, I digress....
After lunch we went to the art museum where we were immediately given ground rules about not touching anything or leaning on walls, perhaps breathing....I'm not sure, I kind of spaced out.
One parent just looked at his wife and said...."Maybe I'll just levitate."
But the reason for the speech became apparent once we exited the elevator and entered the fourth floor. Almost immediately all the air was sucked out of the room and into the asses of some very, VERY concerned parents.
In the room were several statues and vases ---- all looking very delicate and vulnerable.
"This could be potentially expensive," I said to myself,
A security guard over heard me and snickered, and then began to follow us around the gallery.
"I don't think the school has the kind of insurance they need to cover this." a parent whispered.....and I wholeheartedly agreed with a quick, tight necked nod. The aisles could have been ten foot wide and it still would not have been good enough for the parents supervising this bunch of high energy third graders.
But, as it would turn out, nudity came to the rescue.....None of the kids wanted to get close to the scantily clad statues. They just stood there and pointed with one hand covering their mouths...."Look, that's disgusting."
"These artists sure like to make naked people.......I find that very odd." said a student as he diverted his eyes away from the naked statue.
Of course, you couldn't escape the nakedness without one giggling minion pointing and saying, "Butt."
The only real danger of breakage came right at the end of the tour. There was one piece of art that the kids were allowed to touch. Unfortunately, it was sitting right next to a work of art that the kids were most definitely not allowed to touch.
We tried to keep them in a single file line, but that's like trying to herd cats. My hat goes off to teachers and day care providers.....I bet they have a fairly nice sized liquor cabinet at their respective houses.
It was crazy, I tried to stand next to the very breakable looking piece of art and shoo away any kid that got near it. I would no sooner tell one kid to get back and another kid would immediately fill the void that I just created. I did this over and over and, eventually, one kid shot through the gap and got within inches of the art piece. He was getting ready to touch it when our tag-a-long security guard boomed in an authoritative voice. "I need you to step away from that."
Yes, ma'am.
The day ended with the kids making their own kaleidoscopes. While watching them a parent came up to me and started talking......It took awhile for the conversation to gain traction, but I'm proud to say that I think I did alright.
I guess now would be a good time to make a confession. It's basketball season now and everyone wants to talk about the Jayhawks. Part of the reason that I struggle with conversing with people, particularly in this area during this time of year is....I....um....don't watch basketball.
There! I said it......Man, that felt good to get that off my chest.
Hmm....What do ya know....I didn't get struck by lightning for uttering such blasphemy, as a lot of rabid Jayhawk faithful would see it.
I just can't bring myself to admit to people that I don't participate in watching a sport that is loved and adored by so many in this area with such fanaticism that you would swear that all life and death hangs in the balance with every game the Jayhawks play. If basketball had it's own pilgrimage to Mecca, that Mecca would be Lawrence, Kansas.
I'm just not prepared for the odd looks that I am sure to get when I admit to someone I couldn't give two shits about basketball.
But, anyway....I'm getting off track here.
All in all, I had a good time at the field trip and I think I can go on another one.........As long as I don't have to get on the bus.
Friday, November 22, 2013
Chiefs vs. Broncos.....The aftermath.....
Broncos 27
Chiefs 17
Part 1:
You know, honestly, this has to be the best game the Chiefs have ever lost. Don't get me wrong, any time you lose it's disappointing. But the repercussions of this loss weren't nearly as bad as I feared it would be.
From a respect standpoint I feel that we have earned it from the people that really matter. Tony Dungy, Chris Collinsworth, and Phil Simms had a lot of good things to say about the Chiefs after the game.
Then there is this guy: "The Chiefs are the worst 9-0 team EVER." --- Pete Prisco
In his power rankings the Chiefs dropped to third and he had this to say about them:
"They did some good things at Denver, but that offense is too limited. At some point, it has to improve in the passing game."
I'll take that because, after all, he's absolutely right.
Sure, there are still plenty of naysayers out there. My favorite so far is Mr. Mark Kiszla of the Denver Post. In his article he calls the Chiefs the Kansas City Frauds, compares Alex Smith to Ambien, and tells his readers to "forget" Kansas City; that the real threat to Denver's run at AFC supremacy are the Patriots.
Well, to the victor go the spoils. We will see what Mr. Kiszla has to say two weeks from now after the donkeys visit Arrowhead.
Part 2:
I guess it's a fair question to ask me how I could possibly be happy after what I saw in Denver. Okay, let's review.
The offense was horrible. I said that Jamaal Charles needed at least twenty carries if the Chiefs were going to have a chance at winning; he got 16. But, in all fairness, it wouldn't have mattered if he had gotten twenty carries anyway. He got 35 yards on one carry; but only 43 yards on the other 15. The Denver D did a good job bottling him up.
Alex Smith was never comfortable in the pocket....To say that the offensive line struggled would be a huge understatement. On top of the line struggles our receivers couldn't get any separation from their defenders, fumbled the ball deep in Bronco territory, and dropped at least two passes that I can recall.
(I do find it funny that fans are already calling for Alex Smith to be replaced......The mob is fickle, brother. Get this guy some help and see what he does....Let's not talk about running him out of town just yet.)
The defense played well enough, but our pass rush has me a little concerned. With only one sack in the last three games something has gone horribly wrong; even more unsettling is the fact that the Broncos never had to bring in a tight end to help the tackles. Peyton better be buying some damn good Christmas gifts for his hogs on the line, they did a fine job.
Speaking of Peyton, I also voiced concern about how the whole ankle injury thing put the Chiefs in a catch .22; how the media would play it up and use it as an excuse should the Broncos lose.....
Well, shit, so much for that.......I will say this though. As much as the media wanted to hype the bum ankle, I loved the answer Peyton gave when asked about his injury after the game: "Not doing the weekly check ups and updates."
Yeah, he wears orange, but you can't help but like the guy.
So....back to the question. How can I possibly be happy after what I saw in Denver? Here's why:
2012 Kansas City Chiefs
GM -- Scott Pioli
Head Coach -- Romeo Crennel
Record 2-14
1st overall pick in the draft.
Need I say more?
The turn around has been remarkable and after suffering through the Scott Pioli regime I couldn't be happier with my beloved Chiefs. And it's perfectly okay to be happy --- as long as you're not satisfied. I firmly believe that Andy Reid and John Dorsey are very happy; but nowhere near satisfied.
Fear not, Chiefs fans, all the pieces to the puzzle have yet to be put in place. As the old saying goes; Rome wasn't built in a day.
Can this years team win a Super Bowl? Honestly, I seriously doubt it. But they can win a playoff game, and when was the last time that happened? (Uh -- 1994 -- Joe Montana)
But, hey, who knows? Maybe the Chiefs CAN win a Super Bowl. The average football fan's emotions are no different than that oblong pigskin when is hit's the ground; unpredictably bouncing this way and that......Should the Chiefs win their next two games, coupled with a Denver loss in New England, then the talk of the town will be about home field advantage and a serious shot at the Lombardi Trophy. All the anxiety and doubting from that loss in Denver will be wiped away; nothing but a distant memory.
Hell, I honestly would have been happy with seven wins this year. We were supposed to be rebuilding, remember?
So say what you will about the Chiefs --- call them flawed, call them frauds, call them whatever you like..... I'm happy as hell with them.
GO CHIEFS!!!!!
Chiefs 17
Part 1:
You know, honestly, this has to be the best game the Chiefs have ever lost. Don't get me wrong, any time you lose it's disappointing. But the repercussions of this loss weren't nearly as bad as I feared it would be.
From a respect standpoint I feel that we have earned it from the people that really matter. Tony Dungy, Chris Collinsworth, and Phil Simms had a lot of good things to say about the Chiefs after the game.
Then there is this guy: "The Chiefs are the worst 9-0 team EVER." --- Pete Prisco
In his power rankings the Chiefs dropped to third and he had this to say about them:
"They did some good things at Denver, but that offense is too limited. At some point, it has to improve in the passing game."
I'll take that because, after all, he's absolutely right.
Sure, there are still plenty of naysayers out there. My favorite so far is Mr. Mark Kiszla of the Denver Post. In his article he calls the Chiefs the Kansas City Frauds, compares Alex Smith to Ambien, and tells his readers to "forget" Kansas City; that the real threat to Denver's run at AFC supremacy are the Patriots.
Well, to the victor go the spoils. We will see what Mr. Kiszla has to say two weeks from now after the donkeys visit Arrowhead.
Part 2:
I guess it's a fair question to ask me how I could possibly be happy after what I saw in Denver. Okay, let's review.
The offense was horrible. I said that Jamaal Charles needed at least twenty carries if the Chiefs were going to have a chance at winning; he got 16. But, in all fairness, it wouldn't have mattered if he had gotten twenty carries anyway. He got 35 yards on one carry; but only 43 yards on the other 15. The Denver D did a good job bottling him up.
Alex Smith was never comfortable in the pocket....To say that the offensive line struggled would be a huge understatement. On top of the line struggles our receivers couldn't get any separation from their defenders, fumbled the ball deep in Bronco territory, and dropped at least two passes that I can recall.
(I do find it funny that fans are already calling for Alex Smith to be replaced......The mob is fickle, brother. Get this guy some help and see what he does....Let's not talk about running him out of town just yet.)
The defense played well enough, but our pass rush has me a little concerned. With only one sack in the last three games something has gone horribly wrong; even more unsettling is the fact that the Broncos never had to bring in a tight end to help the tackles. Peyton better be buying some damn good Christmas gifts for his hogs on the line, they did a fine job.
Speaking of Peyton, I also voiced concern about how the whole ankle injury thing put the Chiefs in a catch .22; how the media would play it up and use it as an excuse should the Broncos lose.....
Well, shit, so much for that.......I will say this though. As much as the media wanted to hype the bum ankle, I loved the answer Peyton gave when asked about his injury after the game: "Not doing the weekly check ups and updates."
Yeah, he wears orange, but you can't help but like the guy.
So....back to the question. How can I possibly be happy after what I saw in Denver? Here's why:
2012 Kansas City Chiefs
GM -- Scott Pioli
Head Coach -- Romeo Crennel
Record 2-14
1st overall pick in the draft.
Need I say more?
The turn around has been remarkable and after suffering through the Scott Pioli regime I couldn't be happier with my beloved Chiefs. And it's perfectly okay to be happy --- as long as you're not satisfied. I firmly believe that Andy Reid and John Dorsey are very happy; but nowhere near satisfied.
Fear not, Chiefs fans, all the pieces to the puzzle have yet to be put in place. As the old saying goes; Rome wasn't built in a day.
Can this years team win a Super Bowl? Honestly, I seriously doubt it. But they can win a playoff game, and when was the last time that happened? (Uh -- 1994 -- Joe Montana)
But, hey, who knows? Maybe the Chiefs CAN win a Super Bowl. The average football fan's emotions are no different than that oblong pigskin when is hit's the ground; unpredictably bouncing this way and that......Should the Chiefs win their next two games, coupled with a Denver loss in New England, then the talk of the town will be about home field advantage and a serious shot at the Lombardi Trophy. All the anxiety and doubting from that loss in Denver will be wiped away; nothing but a distant memory.
Hell, I honestly would have been happy with seven wins this year. We were supposed to be rebuilding, remember?
So say what you will about the Chiefs --- call them flawed, call them frauds, call them whatever you like..... I'm happy as hell with them.
GO CHIEFS!!!!!
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Girl can run......
First off, I know that I had just written a piece on the Chiefs/Broncos game; and I'm sure there are those of you that would like to know my reactions/thoughts on the game. Fear not, I will get to it on my next post. I promise. Now, onto this post........
The day had finally come; all that training and getting ready for the Girls on the Run event at the Truman Sports Complex in Kansas City was, on this Saturday morning, November 16th, coming to fruition.
As I've stated before, GOTR is about much more than just running, and, as I also said before, trying to explain it in my own words would do the event no justice. If you would like to learn more about Girls on The Run, check out their site:
http://www.girlsontherun.org/
The weather for the day's run was cold, wet, and very windy -- not you're ideal running conditions. But it most certainly did not dampen the spirits of the more than three thousand participants in this years event; Tera most definitely included:
The day had finally come; all that training and getting ready for the Girls on the Run event at the Truman Sports Complex in Kansas City was, on this Saturday morning, November 16th, coming to fruition.
As I've stated before, GOTR is about much more than just running, and, as I also said before, trying to explain it in my own words would do the event no justice. If you would like to learn more about Girls on The Run, check out their site:
http://www.girlsontherun.org/
The weather for the day's run was cold, wet, and very windy -- not you're ideal running conditions. But it most certainly did not dampen the spirits of the more than three thousand participants in this years event; Tera most definitely included:
Goofy kid..... :) ..... I've pretty much given up trying to take serious pictures of her. It's almost automatic, as soon as Tera see's a camera she starts making faces; and it drives Karla up a wall.
Karla: "Tera, can you just make a normal face? I want to get a nice picture of you."
Tera: "What?"
Karla: "Tera, can you just make a normal face? I want to get a nice picture of you."
Tera: "What?"
I think Tera takes after her old man in that she would rather not be in front of a camera. When Karla finally gets her to smile and act "normal" (whatever in the Hell that means) she almost appears to be in pain. Family photos for, say Christmas, is an admittedly excruciating process thanks to Tera and myself. In fact, I don't even remember the last family photo we've taken......It's been a while, so I guess I better start bracing myself for one.
For this day, however, photographs were not going to be an issue although, in retrospect, I kind of wish it was.
Nope, Saturday morning was divide and conquer day for Karla and I. Karla would be taking Toby to his wrestling meet and I would be taking Tera, in the opposite direction, to her run. So not very many pictures would be taken of this event. (In fact, most of the photos I took on my phone look like crap and have since been deleted....sorry.)
Before the race, a DJ was playing hip hop (?) music and a large group of kids an adults were, I don't know, line dancing? I've been out of the game for quite a while and not up on the current lingo, what is the proper term for line dancing now?
Anyway, even though Tera and I didn't participate (I don't dance unless I'm really sauced), it was really cool to watch. Or is cool the right word? Narly? Awesome? Fantabulous?
I don't know....I'll admit, I'm a dork... (Nerd? Geek? Square?.....Hell, I don't know)
We had gotten there almost an hour before the race, and in that time I had gone to the bathroom three times; it's a little pre game ritual that I had not done in years. I actually found myself getting excited, nervous, about the run. I was getting keyed up the way I used to before every ball game I ever played. It felt awesome.....Well, at least to me it did....(And I really don't know why I was getting keyed up, it wasn't like I was actually competing)
Me: "Are you sure you don't have to go to the bathroom pumpkin?"
Tera: "Dad, I'm fine."
Me: "Why don't we try, just to make sure."
Tera wrinkled her nose as she took a long look at the Johnny on the job and shook her head...."I'm not going in there; those things are gross."
Me: "Tera, you haven't gone to the bathroom in almost two hours. Do you want to have an accident in the middle of the race."
Tera actually stood there silently and pondered the situation; as if contemplating whether or not wetting her pants while running was preferable to using a big plastic and somewhat off smelling toilet.
Me: "Tera, will you just go? For my own piece of mind?"
Tera: (Sigh) "Geez...fine, you're such a dork."
No argument there....But I prefer to view my strange little idiosyncrasy as a valuable precautionary measure. You never want to find yourself needing to void your bladder in the midst of heated competition. :)
The last five minutes, standing at the starting line and waiting for the run to commence, seemed to last for an eternity. I paced, I bounced, I fidgeted and grew increasingly impatient.....C'mon, let's go already!!!!
Tera stood there, calm and showing no real emotion. I wondered if I should check for a pulse.
The wondering didn't last long....The count down to start the race began....
5....4......3....2....1!!!!!!
I had ran a few times with Tera before this 5K and had a real good feel for her pace. Every time we ran together she consistently averaged a pace of a little over fourteen minutes a mile which, for an eight year old, I was quite pleased with.
But Tera started the run much faster than that, and I immediately began to worry that she may flame out before the end of the run.
"Pumpkin, are you sure this is the pace you want to keep?"
"Yep."
Well, ok....I hope.
You know, it's really bizarre now that I look back on the run. Between worrying about my daughter and taking in all the things happening around me, I don't ever recall feeling tired. Even better I never once felt my shins or my left knee.
It was just an awesome place to be that day. People were cheering for all the girls, holding up signs and rattling their cow bells; camera flashes were going off constantly. It felt more like a celebration than it did a run....If only all my runs felt this way.
It turns out that Tera knew exactly what she was doing. We had to stop once because her shoe came untied. Then we stopped again so she could get a cup of water. At first I started to worry because she drank her water and then, empty cup in hand, proceeded to stand there and stare. Maybe she needed to walk for a while?
"Tera, how ya' feel, kid?"
"I can't find the trash can."
"What?"
"I don't have anywhere to throw this cup away."
Tera does not like littering...The race is now on the back burner until we can find a receptacle for her garbage.
"Dad, what am I supposed to do with this?" asked Tera as she started to get a little agitated.
I looked and found, on the other side of the table, a pile of cups.
"There, throw your cup on the pile."
"Are you sure? I can do that?"
"Yes, pumpkin. Someone will come along to pick it up."
Tera did as she was told, but you could tell it really bothered her. She felt much better at the second watering hole when she found a woman there holding a trash bag.
The last half mile, whether she needed it or not, I became Tera's cheerleader. Her face was flush and her breathing labored, but she showed no signs of quitting. I did manage to irritate her a little when I mistakenly thought the finish line was just around a corner. When we got to the corner and saw a long straight away to the finish line Tera just huffed and glared at me.
"You lied to me."
"Sorry, but look, there's the finish line."
Tera saw the finish, set her jaw, and kept running.
I don't know if Tera felt a sense of accomplishment when she crossed that finish line, but I know I did. I've never been prouder of her. When she got her medal, I think, is when it hit home for her.
Of course, I had to wake her up when we got there........ :)
Nope, Saturday morning was divide and conquer day for Karla and I. Karla would be taking Toby to his wrestling meet and I would be taking Tera, in the opposite direction, to her run. So not very many pictures would be taken of this event. (In fact, most of the photos I took on my phone look like crap and have since been deleted....sorry.)
Before the race, a DJ was playing hip hop (?) music and a large group of kids an adults were, I don't know, line dancing? I've been out of the game for quite a while and not up on the current lingo, what is the proper term for line dancing now?
Anyway, even though Tera and I didn't participate (I don't dance unless I'm really sauced), it was really cool to watch. Or is cool the right word? Narly? Awesome? Fantabulous?
I don't know....I'll admit, I'm a dork... (Nerd? Geek? Square?.....Hell, I don't know)
We had gotten there almost an hour before the race, and in that time I had gone to the bathroom three times; it's a little pre game ritual that I had not done in years. I actually found myself getting excited, nervous, about the run. I was getting keyed up the way I used to before every ball game I ever played. It felt awesome.....Well, at least to me it did....(And I really don't know why I was getting keyed up, it wasn't like I was actually competing)
Me: "Are you sure you don't have to go to the bathroom pumpkin?"
Tera: "Dad, I'm fine."
Me: "Why don't we try, just to make sure."
Tera wrinkled her nose as she took a long look at the Johnny on the job and shook her head...."I'm not going in there; those things are gross."
Me: "Tera, you haven't gone to the bathroom in almost two hours. Do you want to have an accident in the middle of the race."
Tera actually stood there silently and pondered the situation; as if contemplating whether or not wetting her pants while running was preferable to using a big plastic and somewhat off smelling toilet.
Me: "Tera, will you just go? For my own piece of mind?"
Tera: (Sigh) "Geez...fine, you're such a dork."
No argument there....But I prefer to view my strange little idiosyncrasy as a valuable precautionary measure. You never want to find yourself needing to void your bladder in the midst of heated competition. :)
The last five minutes, standing at the starting line and waiting for the run to commence, seemed to last for an eternity. I paced, I bounced, I fidgeted and grew increasingly impatient.....C'mon, let's go already!!!!
Tera stood there, calm and showing no real emotion. I wondered if I should check for a pulse.
The wondering didn't last long....The count down to start the race began....
I had ran a few times with Tera before this 5K and had a real good feel for her pace. Every time we ran together she consistently averaged a pace of a little over fourteen minutes a mile which, for an eight year old, I was quite pleased with.
But Tera started the run much faster than that, and I immediately began to worry that she may flame out before the end of the run.
"Pumpkin, are you sure this is the pace you want to keep?"
"Yep."
Well, ok....I hope.
You know, it's really bizarre now that I look back on the run. Between worrying about my daughter and taking in all the things happening around me, I don't ever recall feeling tired. Even better I never once felt my shins or my left knee.
It was just an awesome place to be that day. People were cheering for all the girls, holding up signs and rattling their cow bells; camera flashes were going off constantly. It felt more like a celebration than it did a run....If only all my runs felt this way.
It turns out that Tera knew exactly what she was doing. We had to stop once because her shoe came untied. Then we stopped again so she could get a cup of water. At first I started to worry because she drank her water and then, empty cup in hand, proceeded to stand there and stare. Maybe she needed to walk for a while?
"Tera, how ya' feel, kid?"
"I can't find the trash can."
"What?"
"I don't have anywhere to throw this cup away."
Tera does not like littering...The race is now on the back burner until we can find a receptacle for her garbage.
"Dad, what am I supposed to do with this?" asked Tera as she started to get a little agitated.
I looked and found, on the other side of the table, a pile of cups.
"There, throw your cup on the pile."
"Are you sure? I can do that?"
"Yes, pumpkin. Someone will come along to pick it up."
Tera did as she was told, but you could tell it really bothered her. She felt much better at the second watering hole when she found a woman there holding a trash bag.
The last half mile, whether she needed it or not, I became Tera's cheerleader. Her face was flush and her breathing labored, but she showed no signs of quitting. I did manage to irritate her a little when I mistakenly thought the finish line was just around a corner. When we got to the corner and saw a long straight away to the finish line Tera just huffed and glared at me.
"You lied to me."
"Sorry, but look, there's the finish line."
Tera saw the finish, set her jaw, and kept running.
I don't know if Tera felt a sense of accomplishment when she crossed that finish line, but I know I did. I've never been prouder of her. When she got her medal, I think, is when it hit home for her.
I don't know if Tera had been sandbagging on our runs together or if she just turned out a great run, but she ran the 5K at an average of 11min 01sec per mile (Unofficially). I've looked at the app on my phone more than a few times just to see if maybe I did the math wrong, but each time I came up with the same time. If it's true then, at least with me running with her, she had cut almost 10 minutes off of her 5K time.
Wow.....Just.....Wow. :)
After the run was over we skipped out on the free pizza that was being offered, Tera's choice. Instead she asked if we could go to On the Border to celebrate; which I found kind of odd. It's a Mexican restaurant and Tera never order's Mexican food. She always gets a burger and fries there. But, hey, it's all good. Let's go celebrate!!!!
Wow.....Just.....Wow. :)
After the run was over we skipped out on the free pizza that was being offered, Tera's choice. Instead she asked if we could go to On the Border to celebrate; which I found kind of odd. It's a Mexican restaurant and Tera never order's Mexican food. She always gets a burger and fries there. But, hey, it's all good. Let's go celebrate!!!!
Of course, I had to wake her up when we got there........ :)
I had a great time with a great kid ---- and I can't wait to do it again.
PROUD OF YA', PUNK!!!!!
PROUD OF YA', PUNK!!!!!
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Chiefs vs. Broncos....
"The Chiefs are the worst 9-0 team EVER."
---- Pete Prisco, CBS Sports
I'm willing to bet that that quote is hanging on a bulletin board somewhere in the Kansas City locker room right now.
I have been looking forward to this game since the Chiefs were 6-0; I really thought that this would be a titanic battle between two undefeated teams. Unfortunately, the Colts blew that scenario out of the water when they handed Peyton and the ugly orange donkeys their first loss in week seven.
Still, it's going to be a great game. This is the game where I am hoping the Chiefs gain some respect from the media. (And Vegas as well, who have the Chiefs as an 8.5 point underdog) I'm tired of hearing that Kansas City is 9-0 but plays a weak schedule.
The Chiefs SOS (strength of schedule) at the beginning of the season sits at .473, or tied for the 26th weakest schedule in football. No one cares to mention that the Broncos SOS is .430 -- the worst in the NFL. After all, the Broncos are legitimate contenders according to the experts. (And with Manning, they are)
I'm also tired of hearing how the Chiefs defense is great, but has only played against a couple of good quarterbacks.
Or that the Chiefs offense ranks (or reeks, depending on who you talk to) 24th in the league.
It seems, in this day and age, a good defense cannot overshadow a weak offense. But a good offense, er, ahem, a great quarterback, can overshadow a weak defense. The Bronco D ranks -- what do you know -- 24th, giving up an average of 26.2 points per game.
Yes, I have been so looking forward to this game ---- then came the ugly news about Manning's MRI on his ankle. I suddenly find myself disappointed that Kansas City cannot go up against a healthy future hall of fame QB.
Why? Because I feel this situation puts the Chiefs in an almost no win situation, a catch 22. The media has been hyping up the Manning ankle injury almost as soon as he got sacked in the waning moments of last week's game against San Diego.
So, should the Chiefs win a squeaker, I'm sure Mr. Prisco and his cronies will shout to the Heavens that it may have been a different game if Peyton's ankle wasn't holding him back. After all, you can't drop back as fast on a blown tread; and it's harder to plant and throw, harder to move around in the pocket under pressure.....Blah, blah, blah. The Chiefs get lucky again....Blah, blah, blah.....
And if the Chiefs should lose? I get nauseous just thinking about it,
"What a gutty performance by Peyton Manning tonight."
"Big players show up in big games."
"Peyton, hobbled by a bad ankle, exposed the Chiefs and their many flaws tonight."
"The Chiefs are the worst 9-1 team EVER." ---- Pete Prisco.
The only thing that could make this nightmare situation even more unbearable is if somehow Dick Vitale called the game......
"UH-OH....ANDEEEEEE.........YOU NEED A T.O., BABY!!!!"
"LOOK AT PEYTON GO, BABY......HE'S A PTP'ER!!!!"
"UH-OH!!! UNBELIEVABLE.....CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!!"
"HE'S AWESOME BABY!!!! WITH A CAPITAL "A""
Uh....I think I just threw up a little....
Even worse, should the Chiefs, God forbid, get blown out, there will be a few people that I know that I will be hiding from.......
In the end, given the injury situation to Manning, I feel the only way the Chiefs will gain any respect is for them to come out and dominate on both sides of the ball; a balanced attack that leaves absolutely no doubt to this teams legitimacy. (Armchair QB moment: Charles needs to tote the rock at least 20 times for the Chiefs to have a chance to win....It's all about ball control, eating up the clock, and keeping Manning off the field)
Will it happen? We will just have to wait and see. Mile High as a tough place to play (I will always call it Mile High -- not, whatever in the Hell it's called now) and I still have nightmares about that place from the days of Marty.
I just can't make a prediction....I'm too much of a homer......I will sit in my rocking chair, cheer my team on (well, okay, scream at the television), keep my fingers crossed, and pray for a win and some hard earned respect.
By the way, D. Bowe, I hope you have a monster game....That would, like, you know, in a very, very, small way, make up for that little bone headed move you made this week.
GO CHIEFS!!!!
---- Pete Prisco, CBS Sports
I'm willing to bet that that quote is hanging on a bulletin board somewhere in the Kansas City locker room right now.
I have been looking forward to this game since the Chiefs were 6-0; I really thought that this would be a titanic battle between two undefeated teams. Unfortunately, the Colts blew that scenario out of the water when they handed Peyton and the ugly orange donkeys their first loss in week seven.
Still, it's going to be a great game. This is the game where I am hoping the Chiefs gain some respect from the media. (And Vegas as well, who have the Chiefs as an 8.5 point underdog) I'm tired of hearing that Kansas City is 9-0 but plays a weak schedule.
The Chiefs SOS (strength of schedule) at the beginning of the season sits at .473, or tied for the 26th weakest schedule in football. No one cares to mention that the Broncos SOS is .430 -- the worst in the NFL. After all, the Broncos are legitimate contenders according to the experts. (And with Manning, they are)
I'm also tired of hearing how the Chiefs defense is great, but has only played against a couple of good quarterbacks.
Or that the Chiefs offense ranks (or reeks, depending on who you talk to) 24th in the league.
It seems, in this day and age, a good defense cannot overshadow a weak offense. But a good offense, er, ahem, a great quarterback, can overshadow a weak defense. The Bronco D ranks -- what do you know -- 24th, giving up an average of 26.2 points per game.
Yes, I have been so looking forward to this game ---- then came the ugly news about Manning's MRI on his ankle. I suddenly find myself disappointed that Kansas City cannot go up against a healthy future hall of fame QB.
Why? Because I feel this situation puts the Chiefs in an almost no win situation, a catch 22. The media has been hyping up the Manning ankle injury almost as soon as he got sacked in the waning moments of last week's game against San Diego.
So, should the Chiefs win a squeaker, I'm sure Mr. Prisco and his cronies will shout to the Heavens that it may have been a different game if Peyton's ankle wasn't holding him back. After all, you can't drop back as fast on a blown tread; and it's harder to plant and throw, harder to move around in the pocket under pressure.....Blah, blah, blah. The Chiefs get lucky again....Blah, blah, blah.....
And if the Chiefs should lose? I get nauseous just thinking about it,
"What a gutty performance by Peyton Manning tonight."
"Big players show up in big games."
"Peyton, hobbled by a bad ankle, exposed the Chiefs and their many flaws tonight."
"The Chiefs are the worst 9-1 team EVER." ---- Pete Prisco.
The only thing that could make this nightmare situation even more unbearable is if somehow Dick Vitale called the game......
"UH-OH....ANDEEEEEE.........YOU NEED A T.O., BABY!!!!"
"LOOK AT PEYTON GO, BABY......HE'S A PTP'ER!!!!"
"UH-OH!!! UNBELIEVABLE.....CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!!"
"HE'S AWESOME BABY!!!! WITH A CAPITAL "A""
Uh....I think I just threw up a little....
Even worse, should the Chiefs, God forbid, get blown out, there will be a few people that I know that I will be hiding from.......
In the end, given the injury situation to Manning, I feel the only way the Chiefs will gain any respect is for them to come out and dominate on both sides of the ball; a balanced attack that leaves absolutely no doubt to this teams legitimacy. (Armchair QB moment: Charles needs to tote the rock at least 20 times for the Chiefs to have a chance to win....It's all about ball control, eating up the clock, and keeping Manning off the field)
Will it happen? We will just have to wait and see. Mile High as a tough place to play (I will always call it Mile High -- not, whatever in the Hell it's called now) and I still have nightmares about that place from the days of Marty.
I just can't make a prediction....I'm too much of a homer......I will sit in my rocking chair, cheer my team on (well, okay, scream at the television), keep my fingers crossed, and pray for a win and some hard earned respect.
By the way, D. Bowe, I hope you have a monster game....That would, like, you know, in a very, very, small way, make up for that little bone headed move you made this week.
GO CHIEFS!!!!
Monday, November 11, 2013
Decaffeinated...
I have completely forgotten how many days I've gone without coffee; but, for the love of Pete, I've got to be getting to the end of these withdrawal symptoms. This flat out sucks.
The headaches are always the worst.....What do I mean by always? I mean I've been through this before ---- several times. And, so far, every attempt at getting off the coffee has ended in miserable failure.
But the fatigue has been a lot worse this time around. Every day last week I literally dozed off in the middle of my household chores. You know you're having problems when you fall asleep standing up in front of the clothes dryer.
And my lack of focus has been absolutely horrible. I haven't been able to watch a movie or a football game straight through without wandering off to do something else. That is, of course, if I haven't fallen asleep first.
And reading books and writing? Forget it. For those that need an example of how scatter brained I've been just refer back to my last post.....I have no idea where that crazy bat shit came from.
For certain, I haven't been able to hold a decent conversation at all lately. Any social interaction with me in the last week has started out with me listening attentively only to deteriorate into me hearing nothing but the voice of Charlie Brown's school teacher...."Wah, wah-wah, wa, wah?
Irritable? Oh, hell yes!!! Pass the Midol and leave me alone.
Actually, throughout all of this, I've done a fairly decent job of keeping my short fuse from getting lit. As I've gotten older I have learned how to keep my mouth shut when I'm not in a good mood. There is no doubt in my mind that some of the stupidest things I've ever said were as the result of me popping off when I'm angry.....No sir, lip... is..... zipped.
My confirmation that I'm handling my temper in satisfactory fashion is that Karla hasn't shoved a steaming hot cup of joe into my hand and told me, "Here, drink this before you become a missing person."
I don't know what it is about coffee that's so difficult. I once gave up beer and pizza for over a year and didn't have any problems with it at all. And when I went back to the suds and pepperoni it was at nowhere near the frequency that it used to be.
Now chocolate is another story......
One year, I thought I would be a good husband and support my Catholic wife. For Lent, I decided that Karla would not abstain alone; I resolved to give up chocolate. For those of you that know me, this is a huge commitment; a commitment that turned out to be a really rough ride.
Six weeks with no Snickers bars or Reese's peanut butter cups; no Russell Stover's, no truffles. I literally looked at the calendar every day and counted down the days until this self induced torture was over.
At week five I looked at Karla, shook my head, and huffed. "Only one more week to go."
"For what?" Karla asked.
"One more week until Lent is over," I said, quite certain that I was shaking, "Then I can eat some chocolate."
"You gave up chocolate?" she asked.
My chest puffed out with pride as I exclaimed, "Yes, dear, I did. I didn't want you to go through Lent alone."
"Well, that's sweet," said Karla, "But I didn't give anything up for Lent."
??????????
She then smiled and whispered, "I guess I'm not a very good Catholic."
Then she left me standing there, shaking and a little bit pissed.
I sucked it up and made through the last week of Lent.....Then I fell off the wagon in a big way.
Yes, giving up chocolate was rough; but it still doesn't hold a candle to coffee. The only thing about the chocolate that was rough was the cravings. I didn't have headaches or the extreme fatigue like I dealing with now. (I was a little grumpy, though)
So why am I doing this? Quite simply, I don't like the idea that I am so dependent on coffee. While it is true that we all have things that we depend on; I would rather it be my family or a chocolate bar as opposed to coffee. Because neither one of those things mess with me the way coffee does.
I honestly thought my coffee addiction would be better now that I'm not working full time. The reality of it is that it's gotten a lot worse. I doubled my coffee consumption since I started staying home, and it really needed to stop. Coffee when I get up, coffee when I write, coffee when I'm working around the house, coffee just because.
I have found that drinking too much coffee gives me heartburn and heart palpitations, which has me a little bit concerned.
So the coffee drinking has to stop. Sure, I could cut back, but I would rather just go cold turkey and kick Mr. Juan Valdez and his stupid ass clean out of my house. I've fallen off the wagon too many times when I try to simply cut back. No, this time I am giving it up for good.
The one good thing about not guzzling the java is that I am now downing a butt load of water.
(By the way, what is the exact measurement of a butt load? Is it different here than it is in Europe? Kind of like the meter and the yard? I would guess, being in the land of excess, that a butt load is a lot more here than it is in Europe.....But that's just a guess)
The bad things is that I'm going to the bathroom constantly....I'm waiting for my bladder to rebel.
But, I have also been sleeping a lot better at night. So, who knows, once I get through the withdrawals maybe I won't ever be tired enough to want a cup of joe.
I guess I will find out soon enough.....I'm not going to fail this time. I simply won't allow it to happen.....
The headaches are always the worst.....What do I mean by always? I mean I've been through this before ---- several times. And, so far, every attempt at getting off the coffee has ended in miserable failure.
But the fatigue has been a lot worse this time around. Every day last week I literally dozed off in the middle of my household chores. You know you're having problems when you fall asleep standing up in front of the clothes dryer.
And my lack of focus has been absolutely horrible. I haven't been able to watch a movie or a football game straight through without wandering off to do something else. That is, of course, if I haven't fallen asleep first.
And reading books and writing? Forget it. For those that need an example of how scatter brained I've been just refer back to my last post.....I have no idea where that crazy bat shit came from.
For certain, I haven't been able to hold a decent conversation at all lately. Any social interaction with me in the last week has started out with me listening attentively only to deteriorate into me hearing nothing but the voice of Charlie Brown's school teacher...."Wah, wah-wah, wa, wah?
Irritable? Oh, hell yes!!! Pass the Midol and leave me alone.
Actually, throughout all of this, I've done a fairly decent job of keeping my short fuse from getting lit. As I've gotten older I have learned how to keep my mouth shut when I'm not in a good mood. There is no doubt in my mind that some of the stupidest things I've ever said were as the result of me popping off when I'm angry.....No sir, lip... is..... zipped.
My confirmation that I'm handling my temper in satisfactory fashion is that Karla hasn't shoved a steaming hot cup of joe into my hand and told me, "Here, drink this before you become a missing person."
I don't know what it is about coffee that's so difficult. I once gave up beer and pizza for over a year and didn't have any problems with it at all. And when I went back to the suds and pepperoni it was at nowhere near the frequency that it used to be.
Now chocolate is another story......
One year, I thought I would be a good husband and support my Catholic wife. For Lent, I decided that Karla would not abstain alone; I resolved to give up chocolate. For those of you that know me, this is a huge commitment; a commitment that turned out to be a really rough ride.
Six weeks with no Snickers bars or Reese's peanut butter cups; no Russell Stover's, no truffles. I literally looked at the calendar every day and counted down the days until this self induced torture was over.
At week five I looked at Karla, shook my head, and huffed. "Only one more week to go."
"For what?" Karla asked.
"One more week until Lent is over," I said, quite certain that I was shaking, "Then I can eat some chocolate."
"You gave up chocolate?" she asked.
My chest puffed out with pride as I exclaimed, "Yes, dear, I did. I didn't want you to go through Lent alone."
"Well, that's sweet," said Karla, "But I didn't give anything up for Lent."
??????????
She then smiled and whispered, "I guess I'm not a very good Catholic."
Then she left me standing there, shaking and a little bit pissed.
I sucked it up and made through the last week of Lent.....Then I fell off the wagon in a big way.
Yes, giving up chocolate was rough; but it still doesn't hold a candle to coffee. The only thing about the chocolate that was rough was the cravings. I didn't have headaches or the extreme fatigue like I dealing with now. (I was a little grumpy, though)
So why am I doing this? Quite simply, I don't like the idea that I am so dependent on coffee. While it is true that we all have things that we depend on; I would rather it be my family or a chocolate bar as opposed to coffee. Because neither one of those things mess with me the way coffee does.
I honestly thought my coffee addiction would be better now that I'm not working full time. The reality of it is that it's gotten a lot worse. I doubled my coffee consumption since I started staying home, and it really needed to stop. Coffee when I get up, coffee when I write, coffee when I'm working around the house, coffee just because.
I have found that drinking too much coffee gives me heartburn and heart palpitations, which has me a little bit concerned.
So the coffee drinking has to stop. Sure, I could cut back, but I would rather just go cold turkey and kick Mr. Juan Valdez and his stupid ass clean out of my house. I've fallen off the wagon too many times when I try to simply cut back. No, this time I am giving it up for good.
The one good thing about not guzzling the java is that I am now downing a butt load of water.
(By the way, what is the exact measurement of a butt load? Is it different here than it is in Europe? Kind of like the meter and the yard? I would guess, being in the land of excess, that a butt load is a lot more here than it is in Europe.....But that's just a guess)
The bad things is that I'm going to the bathroom constantly....I'm waiting for my bladder to rebel.
But, I have also been sleeping a lot better at night. So, who knows, once I get through the withdrawals maybe I won't ever be tired enough to want a cup of joe.
I guess I will find out soon enough.....I'm not going to fail this time. I simply won't allow it to happen.....
Thursday, November 7, 2013
A most foul stench....
Apologies up front.....I am not myself today. This is day....Crap..... what day is this?
This is day whatever without coffee. In my attempt to be caffeine free I am suffering through some nasty withdrawals. I was well aware of the headaches and irritability but had no clue my body could actually ache. Today's writing has been a struggle.
Read at your own risk......
This is day whatever without coffee. In my attempt to be caffeine free I am suffering through some nasty withdrawals. I was well aware of the headaches and irritability but had no clue my body could actually ache. Today's writing has been a struggle.
Read at your own risk......
A Most Foul Stench
Cast: King D, Peasant T, and Teralyn the graceful (Tera: "You guys are weird, leave me alone")
KD: (staring at PT) "Good God!!! What foul stench bestinketh thee? Oh, wretched son, what foul demon hast crawled up thine hind quarters and died?"
PT: (shaking his head vehemently in denial) "Nay, tis not I. I sweareth, I passeth naught. Methinks said stink emanates from yonder ice box."
KD: "Hmm.....Art thou certain?"
PT: "Nay, but me caughteth a most unpleasant whiff whence Teralyn openeth the door."
KD: "What say you, Teralyn? What putrid demon lurks behind yonder ice box door?"
Tera: "You're both weird....I'm going to my room."
KD: "Wait, I beg of you!!!! Whilst thou not come to mine aid?"
(Tera enters her room and slams the door.)
KD: "Ungrateful wench.....You make me sad."
PT: "It appeareth that thou art screwed.....Methinks I, too, shall retire to mine quarters."
KD: "NAY!!!! Thine King needeth thou."
PT: "Nay, worthy, methinks am not."
?????? (Me: What the hell, are you Yoda now? Toby: I dunno)
KD: "Yay, thou art most worthy. Thy time for a quest hath cometh."
PT: "Quest?"
KD: "Yay....Thou shalt ride to the land of GE (general electric) and rid mine castle of this malodorous beast. What say you?"
PT: "Doth I have to?"
KD: "Yeah, verily......and a peasant no more, shalt thou be. I dub thee, Sir Tobin."
(Toby: "Yeah, I've got something for you to dub.")
KD: "What?"
PT ST: "I speaketh naught. (sighing, and walking with slumped shoulders) To yonder fridge doth thine ride."
(The King makes his exit.......I don't want to be anywhere near the fridge when Toby opens it. After much sniffing around and a full on gag, the culprit has been found.)
ST: (GAG) "Come hither and see what I hath found!!!"
KD: "Nay, my good man. Mine nose smelleth thine discovery from whence I sit."
ST: "Thou must see!!!!"
KD: "Nay!!!!! Stay ba......AAAHH, (gag) Holy bat crap, rat man.....What.....is.....it?"
ST: "It be cabbage, my lord."
KD: (eyes watering, nose buried under shirt) "Cabbage? Whence did we last partake of cabbage?"
ST: "Me does not recalleth the last time we partook of cabbage. Me fear it has been a goodly length in times past."
KD: "Blech!!!! By my troth, it be most foul......I bid you, take it away!!!!"
ST: "Right!!!! To the trash!!!"
KD: "Nay, Sir Tobin!! This moldy monstrosity cannot be disposeth within these beautious castle walls.....It must be taken and cast into the pit of compostium!! Therein, it can rot with all the other foul beasts!!!!
ST: "The pit of compostium? Nay, thou art truly unworthy of such a quest. Thou must doeth this, my lord."
KD: "May I asketh why thou aren't worthy?"
ST: "Oneth: the last quest hath sickened me. Twoeth: I am in dire need to go thither to yonder privy. Thee,um, eth: I am but in me stocking'd feet, thou art wearing boots and, therefore, prepared for thy journey beyond the castle and to the pit of compostium."
KD: "Right!!!! Thou art an observant shit head. Very well, passeth the cabbage."
ST: "Right!"
KD: "Now, openeth the gate so that I my rideth to the pit!!!!"
ST: "Fare thee well, my Lord!! Ride fast; come back with your shield, or come back on it!!!"
????????
KD: "Um, isn't that a line out of the movie 300?"
ST: "Well, yeah......But it sounds cool, doesn't it?"
KD: "RIGHT!"
ST: "RIGHT!"
KD: "TO THE PIT!!!!"
ST: "AY!!!! TO THE PIT, MY LORD!!!!"
Once again, I apologize. I'm not sure if this no coffee thing is going to work. Now, if you would kindly excuse me, I'm going to take a nap. My head is killing me.
KD: (staring at PT) "Good God!!! What foul stench bestinketh thee? Oh, wretched son, what foul demon hast crawled up thine hind quarters and died?"
PT: (shaking his head vehemently in denial) "Nay, tis not I. I sweareth, I passeth naught. Methinks said stink emanates from yonder ice box."
KD: "Hmm.....Art thou certain?"
PT: "Nay, but me caughteth a most unpleasant whiff whence Teralyn openeth the door."
KD: "What say you, Teralyn? What putrid demon lurks behind yonder ice box door?"
Tera: "You're both weird....I'm going to my room."
KD: "Wait, I beg of you!!!! Whilst thou not come to mine aid?"
(Tera enters her room and slams the door.)
KD: "Ungrateful wench.....You make me sad."
PT: "It appeareth that thou art screwed.....Methinks I, too, shall retire to mine quarters."
KD: "NAY!!!! Thine King needeth thou."
PT: "Nay, worthy, methinks am not."
?????? (Me: What the hell, are you Yoda now? Toby: I dunno)
KD: "Yay, thou art most worthy. Thy time for a quest hath cometh."
PT: "Quest?"
KD: "Yay....Thou shalt ride to the land of GE (general electric) and rid mine castle of this malodorous beast. What say you?"
PT: "Doth I have to?"
KD: "Yeah, verily......and a peasant no more, shalt thou be. I dub thee, Sir Tobin."
(Toby: "Yeah, I've got something for you to dub.")
KD: "What?"
(The King makes his exit.......I don't want to be anywhere near the fridge when Toby opens it. After much sniffing around and a full on gag, the culprit has been found.)
ST: (GAG) "Come hither and see what I hath found!!!"
KD: "Nay, my good man. Mine nose smelleth thine discovery from whence I sit."
ST: "Thou must see!!!!"
KD: "Nay!!!!! Stay ba......AAAHH, (gag) Holy bat crap, rat man.....What.....is.....it?"
ST: "It be cabbage, my lord."
KD: (eyes watering, nose buried under shirt) "Cabbage? Whence did we last partake of cabbage?"
ST: "Me does not recalleth the last time we partook of cabbage. Me fear it has been a goodly length in times past."
KD: "Blech!!!! By my troth, it be most foul......I bid you, take it away!!!!"
ST: "Right!!!! To the trash!!!"
KD: "Nay, Sir Tobin!! This moldy monstrosity cannot be disposeth within these beautious castle walls.....It must be taken and cast into the pit of compostium!! Therein, it can rot with all the other foul beasts!!!!
ST: "The pit of compostium? Nay, thou art truly unworthy of such a quest. Thou must doeth this, my lord."
KD: "May I asketh why thou aren't worthy?"
ST: "Oneth: the last quest hath sickened me. Twoeth: I am in dire need to go thither to yonder privy. Thee,um, eth: I am but in me stocking'd feet, thou art wearing boots and, therefore, prepared for thy journey beyond the castle and to the pit of compostium."
KD: "Right!!!! Thou art an observant shit head. Very well, passeth the cabbage."
ST: "Right!"
KD: "Now, openeth the gate so that I my rideth to the pit!!!!"
ST: "Fare thee well, my Lord!! Ride fast; come back with your shield, or come back on it!!!"
????????
KD: "Um, isn't that a line out of the movie 300?"
ST: "Well, yeah......But it sounds cool, doesn't it?"
KD: "RIGHT!"
ST: "RIGHT!"
KD: "TO THE PIT!!!!"
ST: "AY!!!! TO THE PIT, MY LORD!!!!"
Once again, I apologize. I'm not sure if this no coffee thing is going to work. Now, if you would kindly excuse me, I'm going to take a nap. My head is killing me.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
The nickel and dime project....
When I first set out on this little money saving adventure I had plans to break everything down to the penny and then write a blog about how much money my do-it-myself projects were saving my family. But then I realized that I would just be one of 100 mega bazillion people blogging about the same thing; and since I'm not one to beat a dead horse........
I will say this about making my own cleaning supplies; I truly enjoy doing it and, unlike cooking - at which I unfortunately suck, it's easy to do.
Without getting into the money part of it, here is what I have done so far:
1. http://www.womenio.com/2663/natural-solutions-7-easy-and-affordable-homemade-dishwasher-detergents
I learned how to mix dishwasher detergent through this site. So far, the only one that I have tried off of this site is the powdered dishwasher detergent and, I have to admit, the jury is still out on this one.
The first time I made the detergent it worked splendidly.....Well, as long as I remembered to put vinegar in the rinse compartment. Forget to do that and all of my glasses come out cloudy.
However, the second batch I made molded into one semi-hard clump. I don't know what happened....Humidity, maybe? Whatever the culprit, it took a mortar and pestle to grind out enough detergent to put in the dishwasher. Once in the washer the detergent didn't break down as well as it did the first time and afterwards I ended up washing a lot of the dishes by hand.
So with the third batch, to keep it from clumping up, I have placed the detergent in what I hope to be an air tight container. Wait and see.....
I may have to go with a plan B on this one....As soon as I figure out what plan B is.
2. http://www.budget101.com/myo-household-items/whipped-cream-super-laundry-soap-3993.html
I really, REALLY like this stuff. It's been over four months and I've only made this laundry soap up twice. Once you make it, it lasts for a long, long time.
The nice thing about this laundry soap is that it works well in HE (high efficiency) washers. I never realized that you couldn't buy just any laundry soap when using HE washers. I didn't make that connection until I took over dirty underwear duty.
(**Note from Karla: "This laundry soap rocks!**)
3. http://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com/2012/11/make-your-own-endless-supply-of-swiffer-refills.html
Sometimes you come across an idea that makes you kick yourself and wonder, "Now why in the Hell didn't I think of that?"
I haven't bought Swiffer refills since I invested in a cheap pair of chenille socks. Ugly socks, but they clean your floor really well.
4. http://radio.foxnews.com/toddstarnes/todds-friends/citrus-vinegar-cleaner.html
Now you don't have to get too fancy with your citrus cleaner. All I have ever used so far is just orange peels and vinegar, and it works just fine. Well, unless you ask Toby, who absolutely detests the smell of vinegar.
But I use this knowledge to my advantage. If Toby forgets something, oh, like his football girdle, I just give it a few liberal sprays of citrus vinegar before I run it to the school. I consider it payment/punishment for inconveniencing me. It's been a quite a while since Toby has forgotten anything.
I've also told him if he ever gets in trouble, he will be wiping down his room with my wonderful concoction.....He hasn't gotten in trouble yet. Life is good. :)
As far as the smell goes, it lasts a short while. I promise, your house won't "reek" (Toby's word) of vinegar after you've finished cleaning with it.
Here is another vinegar link for you to check out:
http://www.vinegartips.com/scripts/pageViewSec.asp?id=7
Vinegar, quite simply, is freaking awesome. I would say that, hands down, I use this temporarily smelly, fermented liquid more than any other cleaning supply I have. I have also found out that it's great for killing weeds and keeping ants out of the house. (Apparently, Toby and ants have something in common.)
There are still some things on my list that I haven't tried yet:
1. Homemade dryer sheets
2. Homemade lysol wipes
3. Carpet cleaner for the throw rug at the front door that the dogs like to lay/scratch their butts on.
4. Dusting spray and wood polish....which has vodka in it......Oh, boy!!!! I now have an excuse..... :)
As I scribbled at the beginning of this blog; I was really going to nickel and dime all of this just to show/justify that it was worth going through all the trouble of making your own cleaning supplies.
But, in the end, it's not the money I save that gives me any kind of satisfaction at all. It's the thought that I'm doing something different, something unique that not a lot of people do. That I am, in some small way, doing something that's just a little bit more environmentally friendly.
Yeah, it makes me feel good.
Now if I could just cook......dammit.
I will say this about making my own cleaning supplies; I truly enjoy doing it and, unlike cooking - at which I unfortunately suck, it's easy to do.
Without getting into the money part of it, here is what I have done so far:
1. http://www.womenio.com/2663/natural-solutions-7-easy-and-affordable-homemade-dishwasher-detergents
I learned how to mix dishwasher detergent through this site. So far, the only one that I have tried off of this site is the powdered dishwasher detergent and, I have to admit, the jury is still out on this one.
The first time I made the detergent it worked splendidly.....Well, as long as I remembered to put vinegar in the rinse compartment. Forget to do that and all of my glasses come out cloudy.
However, the second batch I made molded into one semi-hard clump. I don't know what happened....Humidity, maybe? Whatever the culprit, it took a mortar and pestle to grind out enough detergent to put in the dishwasher. Once in the washer the detergent didn't break down as well as it did the first time and afterwards I ended up washing a lot of the dishes by hand.
So with the third batch, to keep it from clumping up, I have placed the detergent in what I hope to be an air tight container. Wait and see.....
I may have to go with a plan B on this one....As soon as I figure out what plan B is.
2. http://www.budget101.com/myo-household-items/whipped-cream-super-laundry-soap-3993.html
I really, REALLY like this stuff. It's been over four months and I've only made this laundry soap up twice. Once you make it, it lasts for a long, long time.
The nice thing about this laundry soap is that it works well in HE (high efficiency) washers. I never realized that you couldn't buy just any laundry soap when using HE washers. I didn't make that connection until I took over dirty underwear duty.
(**Note from Karla: "This laundry soap rocks!**)
3. http://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com/2012/11/make-your-own-endless-supply-of-swiffer-refills.html
Sometimes you come across an idea that makes you kick yourself and wonder, "Now why in the Hell didn't I think of that?"
I haven't bought Swiffer refills since I invested in a cheap pair of chenille socks. Ugly socks, but they clean your floor really well.
4. http://radio.foxnews.com/toddstarnes/todds-friends/citrus-vinegar-cleaner.html
Now you don't have to get too fancy with your citrus cleaner. All I have ever used so far is just orange peels and vinegar, and it works just fine. Well, unless you ask Toby, who absolutely detests the smell of vinegar.
But I use this knowledge to my advantage. If Toby forgets something, oh, like his football girdle, I just give it a few liberal sprays of citrus vinegar before I run it to the school. I consider it payment/punishment for inconveniencing me. It's been a quite a while since Toby has forgotten anything.
I've also told him if he ever gets in trouble, he will be wiping down his room with my wonderful concoction.....He hasn't gotten in trouble yet. Life is good. :)
As far as the smell goes, it lasts a short while. I promise, your house won't "reek" (Toby's word) of vinegar after you've finished cleaning with it.
Here is another vinegar link for you to check out:
http://www.vinegartips.com/scripts/pageViewSec.asp?id=7
Vinegar, quite simply, is freaking awesome. I would say that, hands down, I use this temporarily smelly, fermented liquid more than any other cleaning supply I have. I have also found out that it's great for killing weeds and keeping ants out of the house. (Apparently, Toby and ants have something in common.)
There are still some things on my list that I haven't tried yet:
1. Homemade dryer sheets
2. Homemade lysol wipes
3. Carpet cleaner for the throw rug at the front door that the dogs like to lay/scratch their butts on.
4. Dusting spray and wood polish....which has vodka in it......Oh, boy!!!! I now have an excuse..... :)
As I scribbled at the beginning of this blog; I was really going to nickel and dime all of this just to show/justify that it was worth going through all the trouble of making your own cleaning supplies.
But, in the end, it's not the money I save that gives me any kind of satisfaction at all. It's the thought that I'm doing something different, something unique that not a lot of people do. That I am, in some small way, doing something that's just a little bit more environmentally friendly.
Yeah, it makes me feel good.
Now if I could just cook......dammit.
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