When I grow up.......

So, what do you want to be when you grow up?

I'm forty two years old and, ever since the very first time I heard that question in grade school, I never had a clue.  I've spent nearly my entire adult life searching for the answer to that question; a question that has brought on a lot of frustration and a sense that I have sold myself way short, that I am nowhere near the person I should be.

But I have recently stopped searching for that Holy Grail of questions......and I am happy as Hell that I did.

Karla's family is incredible; a huge group of individuals with a long list of accomplishments.  I could probably write an entire book on her family.....Well, if I had the attention span for it.

For the purpose of this blog, Karla's immediate family will more than suffice.

Karla has a degree in business from the University of Kansas.  What I find remarkable about her degree is that she graduated in just three years while holding down a job to boot.  She is now climbing the corporate ladder in her company with titles and responsibilities I have long since given up trying to keep straight.

Karla's sister is a Dr. and, no, I can't remember what kind specifically....Something about old people.  I guess I should pay closer attention.

The Doc's husband is a former Officer on a nuclear submarine and, coincidentally, has a degree in nuclear engineering.  Once again, I don't have a good enough idea of what he does to accurately explain his occupation.  He engineers the building of shit ---- how's that for descriptive?

Listening to him talk about his job is fascinating; even though he tends to lose me about a third of the way into the conversation.  I don't bother asking him for explanations that will most likely just confuse me more.  I just drink my beer and take it all in.

Karla's brother is --- I think I have this right -- an IT Systems Engineer who possesses the rare gift of being exceptional in both the white collar and blue collar fields.  Hands or Brains --- he is very adept at both.

His wife is a physical therapist and, once again, I really don't know what all that entails --- but it sounds cool.  She is a Cornhusker fan, but we'll forgive her..   :)


Then........there's me. A high school diploma and, for the most part, a career factory worker.

A majority of the time, when someone on Karla's side of the family asked me how work was going the answer was, "Oh, you know, same old shit." and then, if I'm lucky, I let the conversation die.  No one would find it interesting that I accidentally knocked over a pallet of product with my lift truck.

It's not that I didn't make an honest attempt at self improvement...Well, ok, I didn't the first time I went to college.  That was a horrible and expensive mistake.  Thank God I paid for it and not my parents.

But the second time I went to college I maintained a 3.6 GPA before bailing out because I really couldn't find anything that I was passionate about.  I had thought about something in the medical field, but when all you can think about is that it's going to take forever to graduate as opposed the accepting the challenge and enjoying the ride, well, then perhaps you are getting into it for the wrong reasons.  That's how I felt about it, anyway.

I then went to vocational school where I earned a diploma in computer networking.  It was a real sense of accomplishment as I graduated with a 4.0 GPA.  But, I should have thought it out a little better.  For an individual that finds social interaction with strangers difficult, this was the wrong field to be in....I should have chosen programming instead --- at least there I could have zoned out and immersed myself into my code for hours on end without anyone around me giving it a second thought.

After graduating I did manage to find a part time job in my field where I learned that the term "Help desk" should have had the P removed and replace with an L.

My phone skills sucked,  I felt chained to my desk ----- and I absolutely loathed wearing dress clothes.

A year into my job, I decided that this was not my thing.  I didn't like being bored to tears on the factory floor, but I did like the idea that I could basically work alone ---- just me and my machine.

I do feel bad for some of the people that worked beside me.  A friend told me once that there was an individual who didn't like working with me.  He asked her, "Why, you don't like him?"

"No, it's not that.....He just doesn't talk."

Sorry......

I will say that by the time I left my most recent position my communication skills had improved dramatically.  But I was never entirely comfortable with it.....I just learned how to become a fairly decent actor.

Anyway.....So when I decided to become a stay at home parent I was once again confronted with the thought of being an under achiever; that I wasn't ambitious enough. In retrospect, it was completely asinine of me to have thought that way.

Being a stay at home parent in our society, especially if you're a man, is not viewed as a worthy profession.  In fact, by many individuals, it's not considered a job at all.

Being a stay at home parent is a lot like being an NFL linemen.  Most people don't really know or care what it is that you do; they only know when you're not doing it.

"Delay of Supper --- fifteen yards and loss of down."  (What did you do all day?)

Growing up, it was drilled into my head about how it's "The Man's" place in life was to be the bread winner (And that's not all my Dad, just society in general).  So it was completely understandable every time I heard one of my male counterparts say that he wouldn't feel like a man if he were at home and not working.

Well, rest assured my male friends, I didn't swap my blue jeans for a skirt......


Wait..............I just had an off the wall thought.........  So since there is a family role reversal going on, does that mean Karla gets to play the "traditional" male role?

Can you imagine that?

She walks in the door, tracks her muddy shoes though the house, throws her shit everywhere but where it's supposed to go, smacks her husband on the ass while he's washing dishes, belches and says, "Hey, babe, I'm home.  What's for supper? I'm taking Toby outside to throw the ball around,  can you get me a beer?"

Out comes the frying pan........

Sorry....I got sidetracked.

It just amazes me how it is perceived that if you are a stay at home parent then you are not working.  I simply don't get that.

In fact, my advice to all stay at home parents reading this is the next time your spouse or kids asks you that wonderful question "What did you do all day?", don't get pissed and list off everything you did in an effort to defend yourself.  Furthermore, don't yell at them and tell them how unappreciative they are.

Just....Stop....Working.  For one day.  Then, when they complain that they have no clean underwear and that there is nothing in the fridge to eat, or that they can't find their things because it's buried under a pile of crap on the floor or table --- you can smile and ask "Now, what was it your were asking me?  Oh, yes, what did I do all day?  Well, I saved some of what I do, just for you."

Then put their lazy, unappreciative asses to work.

This stay at home dad gig has been an eye opening experience and, quite honestly, I feel I have found the answer to that life long question that's been nagging at me all these years.


 "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I want to be a good parent. I want to be the individual that does his part to bring balance in his family's life.  The guy that works behind the scenes to help keep the ship afloat.

No, I'm not going to make any money doing it.  It won't cure any diseases or make me famous.  But it will make me happy.

Does that mean I've officially grown up?

Oh, hell no......Grown ups suck.   :)