Slob....

I feel better now.

I should have cut my hair over a month ago.

After becoming a stay at home dad, one of the things I did that I shouldn't have was that I really let myself go.

The most noticeable sign that I became a slob was not only did I not get a hair for cut for nearly four months, I didn't even bother to comb it.

I would get up in the morning, take my shower, throw on a hat,  and walk out the door to my part time job.  As soon as I got home from work, I took off the hat, ruffled the matted mop on top, and released my inner Einstein.  (my hair, not my brain)

My line of thinking was simple:  "There is no one in the house to impress, so, who cares?"

Then I got to playing around with my hair; taking pomade and sticking my hair up in unorganized spikes.  After a while I thought to myself, "Man, I could totally do the Wayne Static thing.

I hope you don't mind that I borrowed a pic of you Mr. Static.....I really like your music.

But my journey to jacked up hair was simply not meant to be.

My brother, Tony, started giving me a rash about my do.

"Man, Tom, take off your hat."

After I remove my hat, "Damn, Silver back.......you got some gray, boy.....You got that skunk thing going on!!!"

Anyone who knows my brother is well aware that he is a good natured guy that just loves to give people shit.  In fact, I am most certain that Tony has a to do list and "Give People Shit" is at the top of said list.

It's all good.  That's just my family.  If we aren't giving you an earful then something is wrong.

But when Karla spoke up I knew my unkempt days were over.  She had been holding back for a while; but then, in a quiet moment, she looked at me and said.  "Wow, I didn't realize you were so ------ gray."

Ok, I get it......I get it.  Schedule the appointment.


One other slovenly thing I did was, after my workout, I would shower then put on just a pair of shorts and a crappy t-shirt.  Once again, no one is here but me.....who cares?

When I told Karla about this part of my blog she about came unglued.  "You can't tell people you go commando....That is way too much information."

Personally, I didn't see what she was all uncomfortable about.  For one thing, it's not like I'm walking around the house in the buff......to me this just wasn't a big deal.

Another thing is.....I have had a lot of female coworkers in my over twenty five years of full time employment.  You wouldn't believe how many times one of them said to me, "I can't wait to get home, take off my bra, and sit in front of the TV with a box of chocolates."

So I didn't want to hear it.......I wasn't doing anything that outrageous.

What changed my mind about the whole Fruit of the Loom-less affair was one unfortunate public outing.

I always made sure that I met Karla's stay at home dress code before anyone got home.....Sheesh....Whatever.

Then one day, realizing that we were out of milk, I jumped in the car and went to the local grocery store.

I had no idea that Captain Commando went public until the sliding door to the air conditioned grocery store opened up.  As soon as I stepped in I was greeted by a frosty blast of self consciousness.

Ah, shit.......

I temporarily froze and assessed the situation.  I could go back out the door and pretend I left my grocery list at home.....Or I could just forge ahead and just get it over with.

I chose to forge ahead.....As I took my first step I pulled my shirt down over my shorts as far as I could without ripping it.  It felt as if every pair of eyes in the store were staring at.....well....yeah.

To make matters even more uncomfortable I realized that I was wearing a pair of nike shorts that were missing the draw strings.  Not that anyone would, but I feared if someone were to de-pants me, then years of therapy would ensue for all parties involved.

I got in and out of the store in record time.

On that day, Captain Commando ceased to exist.

So now, as I sit here typing, my hair is cut and combed and my underwear is on........the balance has been restored.